Stepdaughter crisis!

[Pippa68]

I recently posted regarding my 14 year old stepdaugher wishing to enter into a shared residency situation rather than the current contact order (made 12 years ago) which entitles her to contact with her father every other weekend. Mr Pippa mentioned this to his ex wife at the weekend ~ and to put it mildly she went ballistic..stating that no court in the land would agree to it. We received a phone call from stepdaughter half an hour later saying that her mum had gone out. It transpired she was at her mothers house seeking advice. Maternal grandmother phoned stepdaughter and told her she was 'severely hurting her mum' and stepdaughter has intimated she no longer wants to proceed as grandmother and mother have vowed to annihilate us in court. After another phone call, stepdaughter changed her mind again and said she did want to proceed as it was what she wanted to do. My question is: Will the court be able to see if my stepdaughter is being emotionally blackmailed, and will her real wishes be taken into account as she is 14 years old? she has often told us she wants to spend more time with us, and she is deeply unhappy living with her mother full time. She is a sweet natured girl and the animosity her mother displays is stressing her out no end :o(

PS: this is also in law, but thought there might be parents out there who have been in similar situations!

[mrs_overall]

In matters such as this which go before the Family Court, it is usual for all parties involved to be interviewed separately by someone from CAFCASS. This will allow your stepdaughter to say what she wants without her rmother or anyone else being present to intimidate/blackmail her.
As the law now stands, (in a straighforward case where there are no allegations of mistreatment/abuse etc) if the child is age 9 years or over, they can have the final say in these matters.
I'd also recommend you see a solicitor who deals with family law.
Good luck.

[Pippa68]

Thanks for your reply, mrs_overall :o)

We have been though all this before. We spent thousands on going to court 12 years ago, only to achieve what we could have done representing ourselves..which is what we have done ever since then..when something ex wife doesn't like means we recieve a solicitors letter!

I agree an initial consultation would probably do us good.

It doesn't help that we just found out that stepdaughters mum split with her husband 4 months ago and is due to receive court papers relating to contact with her youngest child. The dad isn't pleased with contact rules she has laid out for him. Ho hum ;o)

[Octavius]

Hi Pippa,

Probably not much of an answer, but this link provides some useful help and support.
http://www.spig.clara.net/

I think that in general terms, courts can be sympathetic to the emotional tensions of such cases. Joint orders are not particularly common as the courts view a child needs the stability of a single home, but at the age of 14 and at the request of your stepdaughter, it is quite likely that it may well be granted if it is seen as a benefit to her � even if her mother is hostile to the idea. A child her age will be given her own representation.

Mr P, and the S/D need to demonstrate that an order would be in the interest of the child in accordance with the requirements of s1 Children Act 1989 which makes the interests of the child the first and paramount concern. It is unlikely that a �rebuttable presumption� can be disputed as the S/D is old enough to cope with home sharing. If the mother is particularly hostile, then the Local Authority will make an investigation under s37 Children Act 1989 and make their report to the court.

With a joint order comes joint responsibility � which I presume Mr P is well aware and doing anyway � which can be financial etc.

Good luck.

[Octavius]

I would not suggest Mr P dons a batman suit and climbs Big Ben � perhaps he might save the role playing just for you and the bedroom � but some guidance here on self representation, which may be of use:

http://www.fnf.org.uk/litigant.htm

[Pippa68]

Thanks Octavius! you have pointed out some things that we had already thought of, but it is great to have confirmation :o)

Stepdaughter lives 12 miles away. She goes to school in our town, rather than the town she lives in. All her school friends live where we are, as her old friends are going to school nearer home. Her mother made the excuse that 'her life is here' (at her mothers) which is rather feeble as it is cancelling out her life with us, and her school friends (which stepdaughter told her mum). She isn't allowed much contact with her schoolfriends and sleepovers are a no-no.

I have told stepdaughter that even though her mum feels hurt, this is what life is like sometimes. She will have to make decisions in life which will ultimately upset others, but in the end it is for the greater good. Luckily she is a mature girl and understands this.

Financial ~ yes. Mr P has paid maintenance since the split and to be honest it is such a huge amount that we probably won't notice much difference in the expenses. stepdaughter will have her own room and space...and as I already have four children I doubt one more will matter!

[Pippa68]

Just taken a look through the link you provided, Octavius and it is VERY helpful, thank you.

I have saved it to favourites so that Mr P can peruse later!