13 weeks pregnant & abortion

[Frozenpeas]

Hi.

I'm currently 13 weeks pregnant. It wasn't planned and to start with we were planning on having an abortion. Neither of us wanted a baby. Then as time went on we changed our minds. My partner said he thought we should keep it and I began to accept the idea of being a mum. I spent time looking up info on the net and have become really excited. I've had a couple of scans too and saw it move and it's tiny feet!! My family all know and are excited too - looking forward to having 4 generations in the same room.

A couple of weeks ago my partner turned round after spending a day or 2 being very silent and told me he'd changed his mind and he didn't think we should have a baby but he still wasn't sure. I thought this was just a moment as I occasionally have them too where I wonder if I'm doing the right thing and I think I don't want it but it normally passes.

He said no more about it so I assumed Iwas right - he was just having a moment of doubt. Then 2 nights ago he told me again that this time he is 99% sure he doesn't want a baby and in fact doesn't ever want kids. He's worried they'll take away his freedom.

Now I don't know what to do. I can't have it without him. I just couldn't cope. He'd probably try to stick by me for a while but he'd get cold feet and leave. I've got so far with this pregnany and become so excited as have my family. I don't know if I can cope with an abortion at this stage.

[MatydaLover]

I thought the arguments for abortion were about the health of the mother. This is just a discussion of convenience here.

My thoughts are with the kid.

[Pippa68]

No, this isn't a discussion about convenience and has everything to do with the mental health of the mother.

This child was conceived by TWO people and the majority of couples get pregnant and go ahead with the pregnancy thinking that it is a joint decision and that both will be there to support each other and the child.

Sometimes one of them decides they cannot do it ~ especially in the case of an unplanned pregnancy. If the woman believes that she will be unable to cope with the pregnancy or the child then a termination is an option. Some women don't have the support of family or friends to go through with it..and a child being raised in such circumstances wouldn't neccessarily have a decent standard of life.

Frozenpeas ~ as the others have said this is about you. What is your gut instinct? you could have all the money and support in the world and still not want a child. Reach inside your heart and ask yourself what you really want.

This guy seems to be able to change his mind quite often ~ which is his perogative, of course. You can carry on your relationship with him knowing that he is free to change his mind later on in the pregnancy..or even worse, when the child is 1, 2, 3, 4 years old etc.

Only when you can decide what is more important to you ~ the child or your partner, can you reach a decision.

I wish you all the luck in the world x

[MatydaLover]

There are millions of people without enough to eat, withour enough water, without enough of anything. Many millions more who are oppressed from cradle to grave.

This is not about the mental health of the mother. It is about her fellow who doesn't want the baggage. People with mental health problems have far worse lives to contend with.

Am I the only one to speak about the child?

[4getmenot]

Ok you were on pill but if he doesnt want children he should wear a condom, its not just up to you

[Pippa68]

I think everyone is thinking about the child.

Why should Frozenpeas want to bring a child into the world when the father cannot make his mind up about whether he wants the child or not...actually, if the mother doesn't know either?

Countless children are brought into the world as unwanted and/or unloved, regardless of status or wealth.

[B00]

I'm probably not the best person to talk about this at the moment, but I have to agree with MatydaLover. You've seen your child, please don't give up on it because of some cretin of a man.

Don't get me wrong im all for the right to have an abortion if the child is unwanted by BOTH parties, but from what i've read you do want the baby. It's beyond me how you or anyone can suddenly go to unwanting it, especially after a scan just because of a whim of their partner.

Just please think yourself lucky that you've got a healthy baby, and a supportive family, and tell your partner to go and get stuffed.

[Pippa68]

I am basically saying the same thing, BOO ~ however when it comes to this incredibly emotive issue I find it best to tell the poster to do what THEY think is important.

Who knows, the partner may be more important than the pregnancy..after all, both were in agreement about a termination at the beginning and ended up agreeing not to go ahead with it.

I think it is probably best for Frozenpeas to talk to a professional advisor PDQ ~ and talk to her family too..as you say, taking the partner out of the equation if need be.

[4getmenot]

I;m agreeing too, you want a child, what are you going to do if you do have an abortion? stick with a man that doesnt want children anyway

[dragonrain05]

do you have any other support besides him? cause he really doesnt sound reliable, which is stupid cause he got you pregnant so he should be supportive. but about abortion... if you really REALLY dont have anyone else that would help you like your parents or a good friend then unfortunately abortion may have to be an option. but you may be able to do it on your own. im a 16 year old mother and i was faced with this same situation... i decided to have my baby... and omg, you wouldnt believe how thankful i am that i didnt choose otherwise.... she's beautiful and even though its tough, its definitely worth it.

[yobanfa]

i hope you kept your baby as i have just had lost mine at 8 weeks and would do anything to have it back, i never got to see it on a scan nothing, so how could you even think about getting rid of it after you have seen it move, my baby wasnt planned didnt mean i loved it any less and in fact i wasnt planned and my mother gave me up for adoption, so have you thought of going down that road?