my partner changed his mind

[sharkie]

I am just over two months pregnant with a pregnancy that both my partner and I planned. The problem is, as soon as I found out I was actually pregnant (1 month ago) my partner said he had changed his mind and it was too soon for a baby. We have only been together for 6 months but have a house and are financially stable, are a good age (late 20's) and love each other very much. We were planning to get married soon anyway and he has already bought a ring. Anyway since we found out we were pregnant all we have done is argue and cry. I am so sick of being this miserable that I have agreed to have an abortion tommorrow morning that he has booked. Please, i know it is unlikely but if anyone can think of anything else that might convince him he is wrong then I would really appreciate it. This is my last hope. Thanks

[Panic Button]

Be strong.

Just say no.

[Nosha123]

Do you think he may come round if you DID have the baby? 6 months is not long to have been together... so if you go ahead and have the baby you may well end up without him.. Could you cope with that?
What an awful position to be in.... How can he change his mind like that when you were both actually TRYING for the baby.... that's not fair on you.
Dont be forced into the abortion by him.... you will resent him forever.

[B00]

You're having a termination because he wants it??

If you're only doing this to please him, then your relationship together is doomed anyway. Eventually you'll resent him for making you do this and it'll come between you.

As blunt as this seems you have ot do whatever is right for you, not him. If you want ot keep the baby- then do so.

I also have to say that he sounds an arse, to change his mind once you're pregnant is utterly callous, and on that basis alone he'd be long gone if he was my boyfriend.

Good luck whatever you decide- but please, do this for you...not him.

[Sasperilla]

You obviously want the baby, whilst he says he doesn't. Whatever you do, don't go ahead with the termination if you feel this way -you will regret it for the rest of your life.
I had a termination whilst young and although it was the right thing to do at the time, now have many regrets about it.
Also, my husband was upset every time I told him I was pregnant, (we have 3 children) and also said it was too soon (even though we were both 31 when our first child was born). He got progressively worse with each pregnancy and with the last one, refused to speak to me for 24 hours (as if it was all my fault, which it wasn't). However, as soon as each baby was born, he changed his mind and loves all of our children deeply. He now regrets what he put me through each time I announced a pregnancy. I am not saying that your partner will react in the same way once you have the baby, but reading between the lines, I think that you really want it, so therefore do not have the termination. If he truly loves you he will respect your decision and come to terms with it. if not, it may be time to go your separate ways, however painful this may be, but above all, you must do what you feel is right for you in your heart of hearts.

[Nosha123]

See. there is hope out there eh Sasperilla!!!
In any case - if he doesn't come round once the baby arrives.. he shouldn't have agreed to try for one so soon should he! What kind of man does that.. give with one hand.. then taketh away with the other.

[Sasperilla]

Sounds like he suddenly got "cold feet", as realised that he won't be the sole centre of your world, once the baby is born. This seems to be quite a common phenomenon among men, but doesn't give him an excuse for acting like this at a time that should be happy and stress free for you, tell him to grow up and accept his responsibilities, after all it takes two to tango!

[redcrx]

do not have an abortion just because HE wants one! You need to do it for you and you only.

Pregnancy is not easy for anyone, it can be the most stressfull and scary time for the most settled of couples.

It may be that hes scared of what being a parent involves, but only you and he can discuss this and make that decision.

I cant tell you what (if anything) would change his mind, but dont go having an abortion just because thats what he has decided for you both. What if he did this again and again. At what point would you trust him enough to have children?

[earsugar]

These ladies have given sage advice, think really hard about how you will feel afterwards, can you deal with these feelings?, do you need to make the decision right now?, do not be forced into something that feels wrong.

Follow your heart as well as your head.

[monkeyeyes]

I've always said that a man only has the right to take umbridge at a pregnancy if he wasn't there for the conception......

Please take the good advice on offer and do NOT go ahead with your appointment tomorrow.

I cannot see that any good can come of it. You will feel dreadful with yourself afterwards and there is little doubt that you WILL come to resent him. Your grief at having undergone this medical procedure will only stoke the fires of his guilt and unless he is an exceptional man he will start to resent YOU for making him feel guilty.

It is heart-breaking that there is such a small window in time to make these fundamental decisions but I would suggest that you two still need to talk longer.

I wish you well whatever the outcome.

[terambulan]

If ur partner can withdraw the semen he planted in you 2months ago then he can have his wish

[sharkie]

thank you all so much. I got confused and re-posted the same question because I thought no-one had answered! anyway, Appanrently they can't do it tomorrow now anyway so he has booked for Monday. I really need to think about this more over the weekend but your answers have really helped. thanks

[Rtaxron]

Why is he doing all the bookings for the termination, he sounds a bit of a bully to me..

[smudge]

Hi sharkie - I answered on your other thread:

http://www.theanswerbank.co.uk/Family/Question 630304.html

Good luck. -x-

[redcrx]

"he has booked"?
how kind and considerate of him.

Honestly, if you dont want to terminate this pregnancy then get rid of him. How dare he make such decisions and bookings, hes not the pregnant one.

[sharkie]

sorry ive got two threads going as I did it wrong! i must just say tho that although he is being really bad, he is not a bully. The only reason he is booking it is because I told him I wanted nothing to do with it!

[zzxxee]

well it sounds to me that your not ready yourself because if you want to go ahead with a termination because he wants it, then it does not sound as if you are strong enough to be a parent yet , you really need t both be 100 percent certain or be strong enough to be lone parent xx

[eltelioni]

I totally agree with BOO. That is appalling behaviour. And he has the cheek to book abortion appointments for you! Unbelievable. Abort him now and do whatever YOU want to do about the baby.

[lil75]

I did answer your other thread.....I just wanted to say, there are plenty of women and men that bring up there kids alone, dont be afraid!!!!

Someone else said on here, that if your partner really loved and respected you, he would respect your wishes too, but all I can see at the moment is him thinking of himself, does he not think of the consequences, of how your going to feel about it, after all your going to be the one doing it. If you go ahead with the way you are feeling now, you will end up feeling lost and end up hating your partner. I know someone that had an abortion and it still haunts her now, they made her walk into the operating room and all the equipment was there to see.....can you really face doing that??? I dont think you can.

I cant believe your man is forcing this onto you, whatever you decide I wish you all the best xxx

[naflharrison]

please dont go ahead with the abortion if you dont want to. my sister is 19 now and her gorgeous little girl is 8mths old, her boyfriend freaked when she found out she was pregnant and both him and his parents tried to book an abortion for my sister. she kept agreeing because she thought she would loose him if she didnt, in the end i got it out of her at 12wks pregnant that she wanted her baby and she told them so. it was a rocky road but he stuck by her and is the most dotty dad i know for his age(24). also his parents love her little girl so much its unreal. please dont feel like you will loose your boyfriend, its fear and he will get over it when he starts to see scans etc. if you want your baby which you obviously do or you wouldnt have planned it and refused to organise the ab yourself you must think positive and be strong, tell him you want to have your baby and give him time and space to get him head round it. to anyone it soulds like hes being selfish but its just as hard for men to handle the emotions that come with it. he will come round. theres proof that it happens with my sis and my gorgeous neice whos daddy loves her soo much. take care x

[onlyme26]

please think about this, if you dont want to do this then it WILL have a long term affect on you, you will feel regret and anger and at the end of the day probabilly resentment towards your partner.

This sounds awful but if you want him to change his mind then look up abortion on the internet/youtube and even google images
i did and it left me in bits :o( xx