Is there anything I can do to fix the biggest mistake I've ever made?

[JLCooper]

I'm going to try to explain this in the best way I can, but I'm not entirely sure anyone will understand.

Basically I was with my partner for over 2 years, up until recently (the past few months) things were perfect. A few months ago we started having some problems, he was depressed due to work/money issues and I didn't know how to help him so the relationship became strained. We weren't having sex, talking like we used to or even kissing properly, and I was beginning to think he didn't love me or find me attractive anymore. Around the time this was all happening I met a guy at my work, he invited me in for a cup of tea one day after work and kissed me. I fell for all his charms, I was feeling unwanted and unloved at the time and he made me feel that again.

Anyway, my partner ends up finding out and I had no idea how much pain I would be putting myself through for doing something so selfish. I am completely in love with my partner, I know it sounds ridiculous because I cheated on him but I can't quite put it into words. The thought of him not being in my future makes me feel like I'm dying, being without him makes it hard to breathe. I just want him to understand how much I'm sorry from the bottom of my heart, and that it took me making this mistake to realize just how much I love him. I don't know what I need to do for him to forgive me, I just know that if he goes there will be nothing to look forward to in the future.

Please help.

[sara3]

"I had no idea how much pain I would be putting myself through"

still putting your feelings first then?

[grasscarp]

The only thing you can do is to tell your partner why it happened. If you explain and apologise what happens next is up to him. Life will go on for you with or without him. If you want it to be with him you will have to convince him. Good luck.

[boxtops]

You should be saying this to him, then - not us. The man was in the depths of depression, when I can assure you that nothing makes sense - and you've blown it by betraying him with a workmate. The workmate ought to know better, he presumably knew you are not free to have a relationship.
I know too how hard it is to live with someone with depression - I do hope your OH is seeking medical advice to help him to start to get out of this ditch. Sex is the last thing on your mind if you are in the slough of despond, so his attitude towards you is completely understandable.
It will be a long slow reinstatement if he wants you back in his life. You have betrayed him at the most fundamental level, at a time when he should have been getting help and support from you (and I know that is easier said than done). Help can be found - organisations like Relate are well experienced in this sort of thing.

What's he saying about it now, does he want a future with you?
This thread - as sara says - is all about you, I see nothing about your man and what HE wants.

[S_C]

Be open and honest with your partner . " if he is still your partner "

As has been noted , this would be a good time for you to learn to think of others. You may not be a selfish person . However reading this it sure reads as all your concerned about is yourself and your own feelings.

Your partner was / is feeling down due to work & money problems, which is not a nice place to be. This added on top will have no helpful effect on his already poor situation, as im sure you can imagine.

Sit down with him if he is willing , and expalin how you messed up and why. once this is done if he will allow it Help him with his money worries by seeking finacial advice on any debts and helping to suggest places he could be seeking employment.

Do not do this for you because it will not satisfy you in the slightest, however it may go some small way in making him realise you do actualy care for him.

[merciasounds]

Well, all you can do now is explain that, you know you've made the biggest mistake in your life and totally regret it, and can he forgive you? Has he still got work/money issues? That's the crux of the problem. When you have money worries, everything else seems to go by the wayside, and it's all you can think about, and when you can't see a way out depression hits.
One of my favourite sayings is, knowledge is power, and there are plenty of proffesionals out there to help you if you are in debt, to look for another job, and to help you with your relationship. A Good start would be asking your man what he wants, and take it from there. I wish you both luck, and hope you stay together.

[Snafu03]

did you ever get that cup of tea?

[happyone2]

I wonder if you really mean this thread to make you look as selfish and unfeeling as it comes over as............................. what caused you to hurt the man you are completely in love with..................... to selfishly destroy anything and everything that you had - not by being unfaithful necessarily but by him "finding out" - i question therefore your motives for being unfatithful............... was it to gain his attention..................... ???

if you wanted to do what you did - ie be unfaithful , you could have done it without him finding out, so i assume you were found out for a reason..................... ie you wanted to be found out.........................

you have to look far more deeply at your motives before you look at how to win him back....................... you have to look at yourself and your actions

good luck

[lotsafun]

unfortunatly this is the price you pay, when you play away. Personally i dont think there is ever a way you can truly forgive and move on from a affair, the trust has completely gone.

[scraggy55]

Oh dear.................aren't some of us here very judgemental? I suppose none of you have ever made a mistake that you are truly, truly sorry for?

To the writer. Its a difficult one....you obviously should not have done it, but I think the kindest thing would be to say what you have said here, to him and then step away and tell him you are going to give him the time to think things over. Tell him you want to be with him and no one else, BUT you will totally respect the fact that you have betrayed his trust. Tell him you will leave him to think it over for a while and will contact him in a couple of weeks or so. He really needs time to think about how he really feels, an won't be able to do that if you crowd him. You might only have to be without him for a short while, which will be a price worth paying. If on the other hand he decides he doesn't continue, then you will have to respect his feelings. We all have to be responsible for our actions and it might cut you up but you may have to lose him. If you can't say it to him, write him a note. But don't persist, give him space, and see what happens. Good luck and if you get him back, BEHAVE!!!!

[sweetsleeps]

i totaly understand. iam with someone who is having problems in the bedroom area. it doesnt matter how many times he says sorry, or i love you i just want him to take me and show me how much he loves me! i know its shelfish and at first i handled it but a yeah on iam pulling my hair out! i think i get action out of a pack of 4 aaa batterys! he has a problem yes but so do i i need bedroom time to feel loved and wanted and desired. i have thought about cheating and if iam realy honest in the past i wouldnt have thought about it i would have done it and thought afterwards. who says people cant change.just be honest with him and if you cant talk without it getting heated then email him or write a letter goodluck x x x