am i being unreasonable?

[help-me-please]

I have this friend whom I have known since I was old enough to walk and play outside. Through all the people that have came and went in life, weve remained friends. We were best friends all through high school & had a really strong, close bond. We'd share all our secrets and was there for each other through thick and thin. When we went to university we still kept in contact and partied often together. She always told me I was the best mate she had ever had and confinded in me as I am a genuine true friend who doesnt judge or tell anyone to do. Recently it was announced that she was getting married and she asked me to be bridesmaid, I accepted. As I was at uni and have a lot of demands with work and uni and exams I havent seen her in the past 4 months with being at uni monday-friday & I work every weekend so I cannot travel home to see her. I found out from another girl that she has other people to be bridesmaids and has them all fitted for dresses. I could not believe she did not even tell me that I was no longer a bridesmaid. For her hen do, she didnt even tell me anything about it & again I found out details about it. One of the closest girl mates I have didnt even have me in the biggest day of her life, I wasnt even informed of the hen do. It hurt. She text me asking for my address to post my wedding invite and through all decided I would still go despite her dropping me as a bridesmaid and not informing me of her hen do. So 1 week to her wedding, having recieved no invite. I get a text from her asking if I was going when I said yeas and asked where and when...she replied with details however its a night time invite. Totally feel so so hurt & I cannot bring myself to tell her how hurt I am at the night time invite since its her big day soon & i do not wish to stress her, I decided not to go. I dont know if I am being extreemly selfish. What do you all think?

[ummmm]

No, I don't think you're being unreasonable at all.

[funnygirl]

I personally would not go.

I always treat my friends as I wish to be treated and that is no way to treat a friend.

[help-me-please]

Thats what my other friends have said to me. Thanks.

[karenmac60]

Maybe she was hurt that you haven't made an effort to contact her for 4 months, an thought you had moved on with your life leaving her behind.

[Jemisa]

I think you should copy&paste this post & send it to her through the post.
It could be she feels hurt too that YOU didn't contact her for 4 months/

jem

[tamborine]

you're life is busy with uni and she sees less of you = grown apart. She needs on hand peeps for smooth arrangements. Attend her wedding in good heart and accept you've both moved on.

[ummmm]

She's at uni and works at weekends. Friends should understand that...

[funnygirl]

Karen, that is no excuse.
The friend knows she is busy at uni and besides if she had made up her mind not to have
'help me please' as a bridesmaid, the least she could do was tell her.

[help-me-please]

i did contact her. She doesnt seem to make effort with me.

[supersuezy24]

You are not being selfish at all, granted it is her wedding and she has a lot on but if she can't be arsed to ring you or text you to tell you that you are no longer a bridesmaid she doesn't sound like much of a friend.
Did she try contact you at all the past 4 months?

[help-me-please]

karen - Im not the type of friend to forget her. Im not that type of friend. She too has been at uni and understands how hard it is. I wouldnt forget her. She knows that she has always been one of the best mates I'd had.

[help-me-please]

no. she didnt contact me at all. It was always me texting her. She didnt let me know I wasnt a bridesmaid. I heard from other people that she had people fitted.

[karenmac60]

I'm not saying it's acceptable - but it is a possibility. She may see help-me as having bailed on her at the time when she was needed most, that her best friend had no time for her to help plan the biggest day of her life and may even have got the impression that help-me didn't want to be a part of things. Maybe she thought she was doing her a favour by getting other bridesmaids, or maybe she thought her friend should be more understanding. We all have a habit of thinking what's going on in our own lives is more important than anyone elses.

[DTCwordfan]

karenmac's view is correct.

Go you will regret it if you don't.

Tell her there may have been a serious goof up on both sides but that you are there for her day and that you love her. And that you can sort things out after she get's back as you don't want to lose her friendship........and do that!!!

There are other significant events to come like your own wedding (perhaps) and godmother-ship etc etc.....so you still have a chance to be a significant part of her life.

[help-me-please]

karenmac-perhaps. However she knows me better. She has known me since we was born. She knows i'd always be there. Ive been here for her all her life, I wouldnt stop now. I told her I would help her with everything when she asked me to be bridesmaid. Im the type of girl who is loyal to her mates. I just cannot live in my hometown as I am studying for a degree & work 20 hours a week. Its not easy to travel to see her...however I have voiced and text that she should put in effort more. You can lead a horse to water...you cant make it drink. Im deeply hurt by this and as a friend, I'd never have done that to her. Im a decent friend. She cannot question or debate that because a friend whom youve always been close to, know inside out, trust, care for and have never fallen out with and known since 3years old shouldnt have to question or think I wouldnt want to be there, contribute or have abandoned her, when she herself has been through uni & knows how hard it has and can be.

[supersuezy24]

Her friend could of told her she wasn't using her as a bridesmaid, that wasn't very nice

[karenmac60]

All I can say then is try talking to her. As DT says, let her know you're still there for her and try not to let your hurt spoil such a long friendship. It's not worth falling out over and you will regret it in the future if you do. Go and enjoy the wedding x

[askyourgran]

I don't think you are unreasonable, you are understandably hurt. But in all that time you haven't contacted her to offer your help and join in with the excitement of the run-up to the wedding or kept in touch, explaining how busy you were at uni and weekends. On the other hand neither has she. She doesn't even know your address. But if you find time to go to the evening do, you could possibly say that you are sorry that you haven't been in touch as you have been so busy, that you value her friendship (that is if you do value her friendship). And promise to keep in touch.
When she is married she may find even less time to spend with her friends anyway, but if you want to keep her as a friend make a move to get back on track with her.

[ummmm]

Gran - 'help me' said she has contacted her friend in the 4 months.

[hazel999]

@ karen- if that is what she thought she still should of contacted help me please, even by a text to tell her she was no longer bridesmaid.

I also personally wouldn't want to go, I would confront her about all this regardless that she has a forthcoming wedding. Let her know this is why you haven't accepted the invite,