should my wife keep the baby.

[stewart2907]

My wife is six weeks pregnant and is contemplating abortion. we have 1 daughter who is 18 months and has a minor heart defect which means occasional visits to hospital and care. my wife stays at home and i work although not paid a great deal (tax credits help) my daughter does not go without. my wife says its not the right time and she would rather just give our daughter everything rather than her not getting less than 100% of our time and spare cash. i am 40 years old and my wife 10 years younger so she has plenty of time. i want my daughter to have a brother or sister. do i let her crry on or should and how can i convince her to keep it?

[dotty.]

give her a few days/weeks to adjust, you can't choose for her but she's probably still abit in shock

[emmie]

Sit down and talk about it, openly and honestly, about the pros and cons of a new baby, if possible get a babysitter in and that way you are free from any distraction. whether to have a child now or not, for most people there never is a right time. I would think that after a good talk, she may decide to keep the baby, and somehow people do manage.

[coccinelle]

Well, you're asking different people's opinion here and there are you two who can make it. In my opinion, if you're hesitating; keep the baby I know too many people who have had abortions that have regretted them in later life.

[karenmac60]

As Dotty says, it may just be a shock but ultimately it's her decision. Personally though, I think your daughter would gain a lot more from having a sibling than having extra cash to spoil her with. My family had very little but I always felt sorry for the 'only children' I knew - I felt far better off having my sister than they were with all their fancy toys.

[carmalee]

My only suggestion is that you don't use abortion as a contraception method - wait a while and take stock and talk it over - the OP says <<<My wife is six weeks pregnant and is contemplating abortion>>> - and your views are?

[lilacben]

What an awful thing for you to be going through.! I can see what your wife means but agree a brother or sister would be very good for your daughter. Please try and get her to keep it I was an only child and I hated it. You can very easily spoil the daughter you have being as she has a heart defect and it will not do her any good.! I am really keeping my fingers crossed for you and your wife. Please let us know what happens. Brenda xxx

[merciasounds]

Because it's more than likely your first child will get better. If you wait for a time when you can afford to have another child, that time never seems to come. You migt be eligable for Extra tax credits check here

http://www.direct.gov...dtaxcredits/index.htm

It can be an easy decision either way, but whatever you decide, all the best.

[bimbo123456]

You say she has plenty of time but getting pregnant is not always as easy as everyone seems to think. To play devil's advocate (or possibly God's advocate) why not just not discuss with her how lucky she is to be able to have children. Many people not as fortunate go to hell and back and still can't have a baby. When all is said and done a baby is a gift. Six weeks I know would not be considered a baby by some I know, but to many it is a precious life. Sorry if I sound preachy.

[Pimpernel]

Hi,
I think your daughter and her sibling could make one another happy, as long as one of them isn't the favourite. I've known a couple of people with heart defects or cystic fibrosis who had brothers and sisters, and they were not jealous of their siblings' good health, nor were the siblings jealous of them. It's partly down to how well their parents handled it though.
I think your wife might feel 'guilty' that her daughter has a heart defect. Maybe she fears the second child might have a defect too. Has she considered giving up the unborn child for adoption? Once your daughter is better, I think you'd be in a better position to have a second (in fact, third) child together, without the shadow of an aborted foetus. The only situation where I would consider abortion is when the baby was started by a rape.

[4getmenot]

karenmac is spot on

[NOX]

Whilst personally I'm anti abortion I am also very pro choice in the sense that I don't believe that any woman should be cajoled, coerced or bullied into a keeping a child she does not want. Clearly you very much want this child and as a man I can understand that but please make sure that this is right for both of you and not something that you simply have tunnel vision about and as dotty says give her time to adjust and accept that she is pregnant first and then open up an honest dialogue and state your case, but please remember that she may make a different decision to the one you might wish and that that in itself might have huge ramifications for your relationship.

[Le Chat]

We were in this predicament 8 yrs ago, when due to a failure in contraception (due to me being on the mini pill and then having to take mass laxatives prior to a colonoscopy, which obviously interfered with the absorption of the pill) I became pregnant. We had a child age 7 and had decided not to have any more, as I had horrendous post natal depression. I went as far as going to the abortion clinic, which horrified me, especially as when in the waiting room a young girl of about 17 answered her mobile phone and said to the person at the other end in a really scouse accent " Yeah..I'll 'ave to call you back 'cos I'm in the clinic 'cos i need to get this abortion done before we go out on the Fosters at the weekend....." I then had a scan and saw the little 'strawberry' there. i just got up and said "Sorry, I've made a mistake coming here."
My son is now 71/2 and I cannot imagine life without him...he is so precious and wonderful! To think he could never have existed is too awful for me to think.
That's my story ...you need to think about this with hindsight in mind...if you can.

[shivvy]

Have you made your thoughts completely clear to your wife stewart?
You made this baby together so it is your baby as well as hers so it clearly needs to be a joint decision.
To be honest I'm not sure I am clear why she would want to abort the baby. Obviously we are only getting your side of the story but from what you have said I wouldn't deem that ideal reasons for an abortion. However that is a purely personal opinion.
Statistics-wise it doesn't make sense to put off having kids. It gets harder and the risks get higher. Right now you have the potential to have a new and beautiful sibling for your first child and there are a lot of people who would envy you for that.
Although my opinion might not affect your decision, please talk for a long time to make sure that you have made the right decision together before you/she takes any action.

[porkchop]

Your wife would not be here today if her own mother had got rid of her. Every baby should be given a chance of life. Sorry , thats the way i think of these things.

[shivvy]

Have any decisions been made yet stewart?