Quizzes & Puzzles1 min ago
I might be banned from my local (cinema, not pub).
22 Answers
I've just remembered the last time Lil & I went to my local cinema. 2 days before my granddaughter (did I happen to mention she was beautiful??!!) was born. We'd had a fre pinots in The Moon, so were already excitable. We were watching Bridesmaids, a rather rude comedy. Got a text from the future DIL saying "I'm 2cms dilated". I screamed to Lil "She's 2 cms dilated". I was shushed... Lil screamed back "She's 2cms dilated".
We picked up our handbags & sprinted like madwomen from the front of the cinema squealing like banshees as though birth was imminent. The audience laughed at us more than the very funny film.
It wasn't til we got outside, after a very loud phone call, that we realised that actually 2cms dilated is not all that much really.
We weren't allowed to go back into the film because we'd caused too much disruption.
So maybe Harry Potter with my niece is not an option? If I promise not to look at my phone, to have a drink beforehand, and to stay very quiet, maybe we'll be allowed in? It would be jolly mean not to.
We picked up our handbags & sprinted like madwomen from the front of the cinema squealing like banshees as though birth was imminent. The audience laughed at us more than the very funny film.
It wasn't til we got outside, after a very loud phone call, that we realised that actually 2cms dilated is not all that much really.
We weren't allowed to go back into the film because we'd caused too much disruption.
So maybe Harry Potter with my niece is not an option? If I promise not to look at my phone, to have a drink beforehand, and to stay very quiet, maybe we'll be allowed in? It would be jolly mean not to.
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salla...I HATED midwifery...HATED it.........hated MIDWIVEs......hated pregnant woman......knowalls, full of myths and full of hormones which made them even more irrational.
Everything happened at night....the sewing up could wait until the morning, but ...no...the midwives demanded it being done there and then.
BUT.....I love your new arrival..........;-)
Everything happened at night....the sewing up could wait until the morning, but ...no...the midwives demanded it being done there and then.
BUT.....I love your new arrival..........;-)
You are a strange contradictory annoying but weirdly loveable person sqad....
So a woman who has gone through the trials and pain of labour, has been cut in her most private & sensitive of parts with pinking shears, can wait til morning to have her bits stitched? I am (almost) speechless. But not surprised ;-)
So a woman who has gone through the trials and pain of labour, has been cut in her most private & sensitive of parts with pinking shears, can wait til morning to have her bits stitched? I am (almost) speechless. But not surprised ;-)
Just to cheer you up, a little story.
As students doing “midder” we had to deliver on the district for 3 months under the supervision of these fat” Sarah Gamps.”
A list was put up in the hospital entrance and when there was a delivery imminent, the midwife would call the student and then put his name to the bottom of the list and we would all move up one.
That night I had toothache and took painkillers and a swig of whisky and had an early night, but unfortunately, there was a burst of deliveries and my name soon came to the top.
The phone rang and I was summoned to the main hall to pick up the bag (of tools) and cycle with the midwife to the patient. As I put my leg over the bike, my knee hit the saddle and I fell over with the bike into a heap in Whitechapel Road and she accused me of being drunk. I cycled down the road with her (or behind her) to a 10 story block of flats in the Mile End Road, with the lift not working.
As we got into the flat, filled with folks and kids, there was a bleeding gaping hole between this woman’s legs with a mass of humanity forcing it’s way out.
“Come on doctor ( they loved calling the students doctor, sarcastic bitches) get hold of the baby”
As it came out like a jet plane , I grabbed it and it slipped out of my hands and it “dangled” over the side of the bed, hanging by the umbilical cord, swinging backwards and forwards.
I was banished into the other room with the “tribe” to sit out the delivery.
Paaah!
As students doing “midder” we had to deliver on the district for 3 months under the supervision of these fat” Sarah Gamps.”
A list was put up in the hospital entrance and when there was a delivery imminent, the midwife would call the student and then put his name to the bottom of the list and we would all move up one.
That night I had toothache and took painkillers and a swig of whisky and had an early night, but unfortunately, there was a burst of deliveries and my name soon came to the top.
The phone rang and I was summoned to the main hall to pick up the bag (of tools) and cycle with the midwife to the patient. As I put my leg over the bike, my knee hit the saddle and I fell over with the bike into a heap in Whitechapel Road and she accused me of being drunk. I cycled down the road with her (or behind her) to a 10 story block of flats in the Mile End Road, with the lift not working.
As we got into the flat, filled with folks and kids, there was a bleeding gaping hole between this woman’s legs with a mass of humanity forcing it’s way out.
“Come on doctor ( they loved calling the students doctor, sarcastic bitches) get hold of the baby”
As it came out like a jet plane , I grabbed it and it slipped out of my hands and it “dangled” over the side of the bed, hanging by the umbilical cord, swinging backwards and forwards.
I was banished into the other room with the “tribe” to sit out the delivery.
Paaah!
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