how long would you allow your child to be babysat for?

[beverleymot]

my partners ex has a habit of palming off their son for up to a week at a time... last week he wasn't at home, and this week he will be going from last night until monday without being at home. we have the child sat and sun nights, and he is supposed to be with the mother the other nights but she is quite fond of her drink and asks people to have him 2/3 days and nights in a row ithout bothering to check he is ok.

we recently got back from our family holiday and the child was with us for justover a week, but the mother refused to collect him until 9pm the day after we got back as she was out drinking all day in coventry, and now she is about to spend yet another week away from him.

i understand that she may be struggling for childcare in the holidays, but she finishes work at 4:30 everyday and could easily get a bus over to see her son after work for an hour or two. she does not work saturdays but is refusing to collect him on friday night to spend sat with him before he comes to us.

my partner usually has to call her on a sat to find out where the child is to collect him, and to ask where he should be dropped off on a monday, and very often neither of the answers is that he is to be picked up from his home.

is this acceptable? i couldn't imagine being away from my child for such great lengths of time, and i while i do let him stay away from home ( family only) its very rarely for more than one night.

Thanks in advance!

[annie0000]

How old is he?

Mine have only really ever been away to camp (Cubs or Scouts) and the most was 2 nights and by then I am desperate to see them again. I couldn't imagine being away from them for that long - I know the time will come soon though :o(

[boxtops]

I'm afraid this isn't baby-sitting, it's fostering - but perhaps the child is better off with you if the mother drinks too much to bother with her child. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but because you've been willing to do it, they are taking advantage.

[beverleymot]

he is 5- the parents broke up when he was 11 months old.... and she hasn't had him for a full week since they broke up as he has always spent at least 2 nights a week with us since then. i would say camping is acceptable as that benefits the child socially and physically but spending great lengths of time away from his mum without good reason can only surely be damaging to him.

[sandyRoe]

Spending time with an alcoholic parent can't be doing him much good.

[annie0000]

yes beverley, I agree. Mine are 11 and 10 btw. A 5 year old needs to be with his parents (one or the other) or another family member in a routine way, not farmed here, there and everywhere to suit his mother.

[beverleymot]

me and my partner have discussed having him full time on many occasions and i have always backed him on this- the only stability he has is when he is here with his brothers and sisters. i said to my partner she completely takes advantage by expecting the child to be collected here there and everywhere but he is too scared iof her to say anything... he doesnt like to cause a fuss. her own father wasnt there for her as a child, so youd think she would be grateful for my partner being there for their child and not taking the mickey all the time!

[boxtops]

Not if the mum's not bothered.... my sister was largely brought up by my gran for a number of reasons, when she was a similar age - it does happen, my mum couldn't look after her at the time.

[beverleymot]

thanks everyone for agreeing- i had a huge argument last night with my partner about this, and he said its up to her what she does, which i dont agree with, esp when we pay her maintenance to do a job that she just isnt doing!!

[beverleymot]

boxtops- at least she was kept with someone regularly and had stability which is what i feel my stepson is lacking in his life

[beverleymot]

2 short planks- nio it isnt babysitting if we have him- i mean the rest of the week when he is supopiosed to be with his mother

[lcg]

why are you letting the child go back to such a feckless parent? if it were mine, i'd refuse to hand them back. the poor lad must feel pushed from pillar to post and will no doubt grow up with significant issues if this isn't sorted asap. she has no excuse - she works and has a home - and it is a significant issue if she is drunk in charge of him, or giving away the parenting responsibilty to all and sundry. get social services involved, and as his son, your partner (and you) should be taking responsibilty for the child if she is unable or unfit to parent. you obviously care as you've taken the time to post - get talking to your partner and sort this little lad's life out! good luck x

[askyourgran]

She is definately taking advantage, threatening her with legal action might do something to get her to take responsibility but the sad truth is that child would be better off without her all together. The poor child must be very confused with this kind of lifestyle, they need stability and love not being shuttled about as a nuisance factor.

[boxtops]

True beverley - the little lad must be very confused, and wonder where he is waking up every morning.

[beverleymot]

Hi guys- I don't think she would be drunk around him- maybe still a bit drunk- but she will happily get any1 she can to look after him so she can go out and get drunk. She even lost her driving licence because she was drunk behind the wheel- the morning before the child was due to go back to her from being at ours! Sorry I justy remembered she has been drunk once when he has been dropped off... He was 2

[bagpuss63]

I was 6/7 when my Mum was ill,(she died when i was 7), I stayed with loads of different people, but the one couple I was very happy with until my Aunt put me in a childrens home. For the last 20 years (very mich more so last 6 months-i can't stop thinking about them-in fact put ad in newspaper.. What I am getting at is, PLEASE try and make your partner go for access, before he is to old to forget his early years..