Arguments

[evedawn]

My husband is allowing our domineering neighbour to dictate nearly every aspect of our home life ()the details of which I'll spaRe you)My huband "gives iinto the neighbour in the interest of avoiding conflict but it seems to me the more he gives in the more the neighbour dictates . Tonight I've had enough and I accused my husband of basically being weak. That wasn't nice of me I know but...I'm tired of them telling him what to do! Basically within our four Walls my hub is pretty dictatorial(but hey I accept that's how he is and I love him)but faced with this d**** next door he all but curls up andlicks his butt!! This has led to a huge row (I did not shout back as it woulda made things worse!)and Basically my hub went into huge temper at me yelling and throwing things (this is the first time in years that he's done this). Well I'm frustrated ... He's asleep (drunk) and I just wanted to get it off my chest...:(I know he will wake in the AM and have the silks with me but.., be mr polite to the neighbour :(

[evedawn]

Oops "sUlks" not silks..... Typos cos of big fingers on tiny iPhone screen

[trt]

Take control yourself and have a go at the neighbour next time there's a dispute, then tell hubby, if you cant do it, I will!

[evedawn]

Well that's what I wanted to do... Go over there myself but.... When I said tp my hub if he won't have the b*lls to do it then I will that'd when my husband went crazy at me (a bit scary really as initially he locked me put without my keys / purse) so I feel now if I go and sort it out with the neighbour it will makey husband either a) go nuts at me ...or b) sulk indefinately. I'm losing respect for him with this. (FYI we've been married 13 yrs and I do love him)

[evedawn]

Typos galore again. Sorry!

[evedawn]

I'd love to ignore the neighbour .... But its hard when my husband is kinda "yes sir no sir 3. Bags full sir" everytime the neighbour says "jump"

[Buenchico]

Console yourself with the fact that the noise of the huge row will have almost certainly seriously p!ssed your neighbour off ;-)

[Mamyalynne]

Without the info on what the neighbour dispute is, it is virtually impossible to say whether your husband is being reasonable or being a walkover. Try to settle it amicably if possible.

[evedawn]

Every cloud has a silver lining lol

[evedawn]

Well the disputes are too numerous to dictate... But include our using a woos BBQ
(the smoke went on their washing) we now have a gas BBQ. us parking outside their house (it is a road where everyone had to share parking)We now park on the opo side of the road, the fact that of we walk on our wooden floors they can hear (we nod wear socks indoors) you get the idea.... The neighbour is a d*** and the morey hub gives in the more his demands increase. I think maybe my husband is scared as the neighbour had been very verbally threatening and my husband ..,well he's not the largest bloke. My husband with male pride won't admit that tho.

[Mamyalynne]

usual neighbour type squabbles, don't let it wreck your marriage though, if you love your man then keep him.

[evedawn]

Neighbour squabbles are fine but jeepers why does my husband give in to EVERY single one!! I think my husband Is weak and ineffectual for always backing down. I want a strong man who stands up for his family and instead he gives in to the neighbour every time!!!I'm losing respect and that is sad fir any
marriage .

[mumsie_wumsie]

sounds like the neighbour is the 'boss' of your hubbie., and hubbie is the 'boss' of you., you need to start standing up for yourself. Put your foot down and demand some respect.Tell this neighbour to mind his own business, he sounds a nightmare to live next to.. Good luck.

[Mamyalynne]

is he a different man now than the man you married??

[evedawn]

Mumsie yes that's exactly how it is :(

[evedawn]

No same man .... I'm changing tho (by that I meAn I'm getting weary of his attitude) :( so sad. :(

[Mamyalynne]

Well that is sad to read, my man stayed loyal and brave for all the 35 years we were together, if you are generally not happy in your marriage, than maybe counselling or something similar is needed. This issue may run deeper than the neighbour dispute.

[evedawn]

Oh I do love him ... And besides his bad traits he has many many GOOD ones.. He's a heavy alcohol dependent) I think but he denies this)drinker (there I've never admitted that on AB before) and if I'm honest I think it's his drinking that's probably clouding my attitude... So as I type this I've realised maybe my attitude needs to change. Anyway thanks for everyones help ...I'm gonna try get some sleep... I'm just sad n angry n frustrated (and tonight Is probAbly the tip of the iceberg) he I'd agoif husband and I do love him... Honest

[Khandro]

Have you thought of writing down your feelings (as you seem to able to do here) in a letter, and give it to your neighbour, this would alleviate having a possible slanging match on the doorstep and a failure to put your view over. You could politely point out that he may not be aware of how much he is bullying your husband, and how much distress his attitude is creating within your family. At least he will be aware of how you feel.

[China Doll]

If it's the drinking that is the underlying problem and is the main thing changing your attitude then you do need to address it's not necessarily your attitude that needs to change in that respect. And if you don't address it (I don't mean shouting and screaming obviously), then you'll just be doing what you accuse your hubby of, which is essentially burying his head in the sand which might mean you lose a bit of respect for yourself too.

Hopefully ^^^ that doesn't sound like me being horribly mean, it's not meant to, I just thought it was a slightly different way of looking at the problem.