My daughter in law is falling apart, is there anything I can do to help her?

[321mc]

My son and daughter in law started dating in early 2007 and married the following year, everything seemed fine but then my son started saying he wasn't good enough for his wife and that she deserved better, she kept telling him not to be ridiculous and how much she loved him. But in June this year he ended their marriage telling her she deserved much better than him and he never wanted to see her again. She was absolutely heartbroken, she's since gone into a downward spiral, she's been let go from work and spends her days in her friend's flat where she is staying just staring into space. She found out a few weeks ago that she was pregnant and it just made her worse because she doesn't want to bring a baby into the world without a family. I went to see her the other day and she just cried the whole time saying how it's her fault she's the way she is because she put everything she is into the marriage and now she's lost everything. She is like an empty shell and has lost all her sparkle, I feel so bad for her. To make matters worse, my son has gone and gotten himself another girlfriend ridiculously soon after them splitting up which is breaking her heart even more. Is there anything I can do to help this poor girl?

[emmie]

as soon as you can get her to see a doctor, this may not make sense at the minute, but she needs help. Sounds like she is in a deep depression, and most definitely needs to talk with someone sooner than later. They can draw her out, and perhaps get her to seek counselling, which does help. And medication if absolutely necessary. You sound a caring person, so perhaps you can suggest it and take her.

[joe_s_angel]

have your son known about the pregnancy yet????

[BAKERS DOZEN]

Has she got parents/family and are they helping her in any way? She's lucky to have you on her side.

[Maggoty]

Sorry - sounds to me like the 'you are too good for me' was a way for your son to get out of the relationship. Now she is pregnant I can't see a 100% happy ending. If your son goes back to her he will resent it and the babdy will be brought up in a broken home as opposed to coming from one.

It seems tho that you are being a huge support to her. Well done. Thats what she needs at the mo.

Hope things go well for all concerned.

Ali

[321mc]

Yes, my son knows she's pregnant but has said he wants nothing to do with the baby or his wife. My husband is fuming with him and keeps trying to talk some sense into him but nothing seems to be working.

[notasyoungasiwas]

I too was wondering if your son knew about the baby? It's good that you are there for her, but does she have a Mum and Dad nearby?

[321mc]

Bakers Dozen - Her family are trying so hard to help her but she just pushes everyone away.

[emmie]

then call a doctor to come out. Believe me if she doesn't get some help, advice then this will only get worse. Explain to the doctor how she is, and that she pushes people away, and see what they can do. Especially if she is planning to keep the child.

[dave50]

Im afraid he was using the excuse of 'being not good enough for her' as a way to get out of the marraige. Basically he was lying and i wouldnt be suprised if he was already seeing someone else before he walked out and kept her under wraps until he thought it was appropriate for him to be seen with ehr.

[BAKERS DOZEN]

You are in for the long haul because it is your grandchild she is expecting. so just keep supporting her and hopefully in a few months there will be a something to take her mind off your son. Perhaps if he sees that you and your hubby are supporting her then he might grow up and get involved at some stage. He does not have to get back together with her but he will have to acknowledge the child eventually. She is a very lucky girl to have you on her side although she may not think that at the moment. She is too wrapped up in what she has lost rather than what she has to look forward to and my heart goes out to her. Stick with it and lets us know how she is please.

[Noraq]

...what Maggoty and Dave50 said.

[Khandro]

"my son started saying he wasn't good enough for his wife and that she deserved better" this was obviously a way to get out of his relationship and go with his new lover. You would be better accepting the fact that your son is a spineless wimp and hitch up with your daughter-in-law and your future grandchild giving them all the support they need, which is something your son is incapable of doing.

[Canary42]

I agree with Khandro

[sith123]

be there for her, show support, seek help if needed?

[notasyoungasiwas]

So do I Canary. Their son is definitely a spineless wimp.

[gerrywoods39]

Well first of all take her into the confidence. tell her that she is just like a daughter to you. After that, see if she needs financial help or not. She definitely needs a doctor.

[Anngel123]

How sad for you. How disappointed you must be in your son. I agree with most on here. It sounds like she needs some help. There are often non-medical agencies who can help. You could try ringing Samaritans who can help with support groups in the area. She is very lucky to have you caring for her. All the best to you.

[Brinjal]

Life is too short to be unhappy and if your son was unhappy in his marriage then its better for both that he left. The way he did it may have been callous but ulitimatly its his life also. She needs professional help and now.... also maybe your son has issues as well but nothinh is to be gained by trying to force someone back into a marriage they dont want.

[321mc]

Thank you for all your answers. I've spoken to my son tonight and managed to get the truth out of him after a lot of shouting and screaming at him. It turns out a few of you were right, he has been seeing another woman since mid 2009 and she's been pressuring him to leave his wife. I'm just at a loss as what to do, he's my son and of course I love him to bits but right now I just want to throttle him for wrecking his family.