Am I Right To Be Feeling This Way?
Family Life0 min ago
Estranged husband parental rights
My husband got depression when I was 6 months pregnant with our only child. We were living close to his family but 250 miles from mine. He got worse and worse and so 3 weeks before I was due (in December 2009) I decided to go back to my parents and have the baby and stay with them until he got better. He went and stayed with his parents 250 miles away as all the treatment and doctors he was seeing/was offered was there. He refused all treatment and basically ended our marriage in February 2010 by instant message saying he didn't care about us. He was there for my daughter's birth and for a week after and then saw her one weekend in January 2010 when she was a month old. That is it. He's not seen her since and hasn't paid a penny towards her upbringing. He has had a complete personality transplant and I don't know him any more. He's not the person I married. He's been in touch recently demanding photos of her and saying he's going to turn up at my parents house because he wants to see her. I am scared of him. I don't think he is better and when we were together he smoked cannabis all the time. I can only assume he still does it, but don't know for sure. He is very volatile and his emails and voicemails are threatening and abusive towards me. The police have seen/heard them and told me to call them if he turns up. My question is, does he have any rights to see her? He is on the birth certificate (unfortunately) and she has his surname. We are divorcing and he won't sign the form to consent to her surname being changed to my maiden name. Is there a way I can change it without it and do I have to let him see her given that I am scared for our safety? If I tell him that I will see him in court am I likely to lose? Do I even have to go to court if he arranges it? What will happen to me if I don't go? Thanks for any help you can give me.
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" My question is, does he have any rights to see her? He is on the birth certificate"
As bednobs with which I whole heartedly agree. Do not begin to use your child as a weapon, she has EVERY right to see and get to know her father, whether or not you agree to that is neither here nor there
But to answer your question yes, he even has the right to have a say in where she goes to school the dentist, the GP - anything you do with her he has a right to know because he has parental responsibility
As bednobs with which I whole heartedly agree. Do not begin to use your child as a weapon, she has EVERY right to see and get to know her father, whether or not you agree to that is neither here nor there
But to answer your question yes, he even has the right to have a say in where she goes to school the dentist, the GP - anything you do with her he has a right to know because he has parental responsibility
I don't understand this "parental responsibility" term. Yes, he has got it because we happened to be married at the time of her birth, but he has never undertaken ANY of the responsibilities listed i.e. provide a home for the child, have contact with and live with the child, protect and maintain the child etc. So how does that work when some supposedly has responsibilities but hasn't carried them out?
I resent that comment about using my child as a weapon. I am absolutely not. I am genuinely scared for our safety. I do not know this person any more and am totally looking after her wellbeing.
I resent that comment about using my child as a weapon. I am absolutely not. I am genuinely scared for our safety. I do not know this person any more and am totally looking after her wellbeing.
parental responsibility means he has the same rights as you, exactly the same rights, whether you like it or not. Chris gave you the link to PR and what it means - go read it on your duplicate thread
He has been her father, will continue to be her father and ergo has 'done something' for your child. Just because you say he hasn't doesn't make it so.
Sadly, many mothers, and fathers, do not see that they are using their child as the weapon to 'get back at' the other parent and become very defensive when told that actually, they are doing just that.
You wish to stop contact *just because* you think he has done nothing for her?
What your child needs and deserves and has a RIGHT to are very different to your reasons why you think HE shouldn't see her - see, you're thinking only of what you can take form him and not what you can give your daughter
Try to think of it from her POV. You are being selfish from my POV, so perhaps that is what she will see when she is old enough. Stop her seeing her father now and you open yourself up for all sorts of heartache in her older years because she will wholly blame you for her lack of contact, and quite rightly so
If you feel she may not be safe with him, then there are contact centres for just that kind of thing; allowing safe contact.
So, again, to answer your question of Does he has any rights? YES, he has every right. But your question is wrong. It should be 'Does my daughter have any rights to see her father'? To which the answer is also YES!
Read your other thread for whether or not a court will say otherwise as I am sure someone answered there to tell you, no, they won't. They will agree with your replies here
He has been her father, will continue to be her father and ergo has 'done something' for your child. Just because you say he hasn't doesn't make it so.
Sadly, many mothers, and fathers, do not see that they are using their child as the weapon to 'get back at' the other parent and become very defensive when told that actually, they are doing just that.
You wish to stop contact *just because* you think he has done nothing for her?
What your child needs and deserves and has a RIGHT to are very different to your reasons why you think HE shouldn't see her - see, you're thinking only of what you can take form him and not what you can give your daughter
Try to think of it from her POV. You are being selfish from my POV, so perhaps that is what she will see when she is old enough. Stop her seeing her father now and you open yourself up for all sorts of heartache in her older years because she will wholly blame you for her lack of contact, and quite rightly so
If you feel she may not be safe with him, then there are contact centres for just that kind of thing; allowing safe contact.
So, again, to answer your question of Does he has any rights? YES, he has every right. But your question is wrong. It should be 'Does my daughter have any rights to see her father'? To which the answer is also YES!
Read your other thread for whether or not a court will say otherwise as I am sure someone answered there to tell you, no, they won't. They will agree with your replies here
I appreciate you taking the time to try to answer my questions, and you have highlighted things that of course I have thought about and will have to continue to think about. You are entitled to your opinion but don't know all the facts - "He has been her father, will continue to be her father and ergo has 'done something' for your child. Just because you say he hasn't doesn't make it so." The fact is he HASN'T done anything for her. I'm not just saying it, he hasn't - fact. I don't think anyone can say that spending a week with a child makes them a father (and for 5 of those days we were in hospital so he only had 2 hours on each of those days). Remember, it was HIS idea to end our marriage and not see us for nearly two years.
I feel pinkkittens seems to be seeing something in black & white which in reality - like so much of life - is shades of grey. Yes - the legal position is that your husband does have a right to see his (& your) child. The parental responsibility rights arise simply from the fact that you were (& still are) married, & they can continue after divorce.
But I quite understand your serious concern if you are afraid of him & of what he might do - presumably to your child as well as to you. This makes it very difficult for you. As things stand at the moment the only way you could prevent contact would be to get a Court order. You would need a solicitor experienced in family law & whether the Court would grant an order would depend on what evidence was provided. A solicitor would have to advise you whether the threatening messages you have & the absence of any contact for 2 years or so would be likely to be considered sufficient evidence.
As part of your divorce arrangements for the child (contact etc.) have to be settled. If the divorce has nearly reached that stage, then it might be best to settle the matter through the divorce court. However, you must have an experienced family law solicitor to advise you.
You ask whether you must go to Court if he arranges it. The answer is most definitely YES. Never ignore a Court hearing of that kind.
But I quite understand your serious concern if you are afraid of him & of what he might do - presumably to your child as well as to you. This makes it very difficult for you. As things stand at the moment the only way you could prevent contact would be to get a Court order. You would need a solicitor experienced in family law & whether the Court would grant an order would depend on what evidence was provided. A solicitor would have to advise you whether the threatening messages you have & the absence of any contact for 2 years or so would be likely to be considered sufficient evidence.
As part of your divorce arrangements for the child (contact etc.) have to be settled. If the divorce has nearly reached that stage, then it might be best to settle the matter through the divorce court. However, you must have an experienced family law solicitor to advise you.
You ask whether you must go to Court if he arranges it. The answer is most definitely YES. Never ignore a Court hearing of that kind.
Pink-kittens was trying to get the op to actually see it form the child's POV, which quite clearly she isn't. For her it is very black and white
There is a shed load of grey in the op's post because we have only that side of the story.
The question was does he have any rights to see her, the answer is yes - which I answered as did others on her duplicate thread. She didn't like that she got told that so tried again to make her ex appear like some kind of danger to her child. If he is, that is what the child welfare officer at the court is for.
If you dont go to court OP, then you will face the consequences
There is a shed load of grey in the op's post because we have only that side of the story.
The question was does he have any rights to see her, the answer is yes - which I answered as did others on her duplicate thread. She didn't like that she got told that so tried again to make her ex appear like some kind of danger to her child. If he is, that is what the child welfare officer at the court is for.
If you dont go to court OP, then you will face the consequences
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