Tracing and helping my wife - menopause and debt.

[Somers]

My wife is suffering with awful menopausal symptoms and has run over £48k of debt. She has moved into a flat somewhere in Birmingham. She speaks to me several time a day and for up to a couple of hours; sometimes a nice conversation and sometimes she'll just rants in a very hurtful and disturbing way. I think that she's moved out in order to protect me from the consequences of her debt and to be fair, initially I didn't understand or handle her problems very well.

How do I find out her address, for my peace of mind but without following her from her work?

How do I put her Doctor in the position, not knowing the practice?

[bednobs]

why would you need to "put her doctor in the position"? her medical care is between her and the GP - nothing to do with you at all.
If she has moved out, and wont tell you where she lives if you ask her, get the message - she dosen't want you to know!
How will knowing her address give you peace of mind?

[boxtops]

At least she's speaking to you. You don't know where she lives or even if she has registered with a new GP, and her old GP won't tell you if the records have been transferred. You can't tell a doctor, it's not your business, hard though it may seem.

[boxtops]

^ ..and if you knew the address, what would you do?

[rockyracoon]

I used this service with very little information to go on, he found who I was looking for quite quickly. I wish you luck helping your wife.

[boxtops]

no link, rocky....

[rockyracoon]

Doh, my mistake

http://www.ukpeoplesearch.co.uk/

[bradcashman38]

Well I guess she does not want to let you know about her address. However, you have to see if she has got some psychological problems also due to debt and and menopausal symptoms. You should immediately report the nearby police station. Police will trace her easily whenever she calls you or contacts you on internet.

[craft1948]

What are you going to report her to the police for........being menopausal?

[bednobs]

i really don't get this - why would the police be interested in a grown up adult woman's decision to move and not tell her husband where she is living?

[ethandron]

there were times i felt like reporting myself for being menopausal, craft....;)
i agree with bednobs, back right off and leave her alone, she obviously doesn't want you to know where she lives and you have no right to either follow her or report her to the police.

[joko]

rocky = you could have just helped a psycho stalker find his terrified ex...

[Somers]

If I wanted to, I could simply follow my wife when she leaves work but that would be pretty stupid - the consequences of her seeing me doesn't bear thinking about; I want to know her address in case she has a problem.

I met her in Birmingham on Saturday and we've spent somewhere around 14 hrs on Skype from midnight Saturday through Sunday, so I guess the veracity is not there. My reasons for contacting her Doctor, and I know her Doctor, is that I'm sure that my wife has given her a duff perception. I've been told that as a husband I've the right to see my wife's Doctor - Doctors of course must retain patent confidentiality.

[boxtops]

You have the right to talk to your doctor about your wife, and for the doctor to list - but the doctor shouldn't tell you anything.

[boxtops]

^ listen

[Somers]

Judging from my pathetic performance, I don't believe that a bloke can come even close to appreciating extreme menopausal symptoms and there possible consequences. And when the penny does drops it's probably too late - the damage is done!

I'm just trying to for fill my obligations as a husband to a wife who's not very well and has financial issues, which is hard.

[bednobs]

i would guess if she wants your help she will ask. I doubt if her doctor will listen TBH. (plus she may well have told her doctor everything anyway). I agree with you in that it would be pretty stupid to follow her home from work.

[Somers]

Well, I'd like to thank everyone for helping and just bring you up to date and bring this matter to a close. I couldn't take not knowing where she was anymore and told her (not quite as simple as that, a bit of emotion). She showed me around her flat. We went for a drink, she walked me to the bus stop holding my arm; and rang me later asking me over to her flat on Saturday; It was just wonderful. However this morning she rang at 05:20hrs ranting, which happens a lot, I pointed out that I wasn't able to take it any more and asked her to ring back when she was nice again and put the phone down (well dropped Skype); this was repeated 27 times.

I think that there should be a special unit to help both partners with the menopause.

I reckon that this problem of mine will just carry on as it is blowing hot and cold - a living death; I don't think that I'm strong enough to stay the distance, so eventually our relationship will end and we'll both have deep regrets later in life.