elderly relatives in nursing home advice please

[hannah40]

i have an 85yrold aunt and uncle who is 90 with alzheimers in a nursing home .they are not happy there and my mum who is 80 isnt happy with her brothers care but they are unable to go else where due to mobility problems.my aunt has said to my mum they cant watch tv in there room as it has broken and she is waiting for a repair man this was 4 weeks ago ,last night my mum spoke to them and asked if they were watching tv and they said its not working ,so i phoned the home and spoke to deputy and she said there tv has only been broken 3 days not 3 weeks so i dont know who is right here we live 100 miles away so cant visit often and they have no other relatives i would like to pack them up and move them locally to us but we cant last time i visted we wernt offered a drink and my uncles feet were swollen and when i mentioned this i was told your aunt looks after him and if she is concerned she will call a doctor.i thought well hello my aunt pays you over £1.000 per week to stay here out of there own money.they were very unpleasant to me.is there any one i could talk to.any advice please.

[NOX]

Hi, Can I ask why they can't be moved nearer to you, where you can keep a better eye on things?

[ummmm]

Are your aunt and uncle married? Or are they brother and sister?

[woofgang]

To be fair, if your aunt and uncle decline to have the doctor visit, there is little the home can do. People you could talk to...their doctor, do they have a social worker? Does the TV belong to them or the home? TBH TV's aren't worth fixing theses days so if its theirs, could you arrange for them to have a new one?
As NOX asked, I know it wouldn't be easy to move them by are you sure its impossible? and do they want to move?

[dzug2]

<i would like to pack them up and move them locally to us but we cant >>

Why on earth not? Unless they are refusing to move themselves.

[RATTER15]

Are they in a nursing home or a residential home? They are paying privately they can go wherever they want, even if they are SS funded they will still probably be able to move to a home nearer. If you want to make a complaint, start making notes with times dates and staff names etc. It is not the responsibility of your Aunt to look after him, they are paying to live there to be looked after by the staff.

[bednobs]

conversely, it's not the staffs job to look after you and make you drinks.
why does mobility problems stop them going somewhere else?

[ummmm]

I'm never offered a drink when I visit my Nan or Grandad. Although they do bring my Nan drinks when we take her to visit him.

[RATTER15]

In most care homes the staff should offer visitors a drink, we always offer tea and coffee to visitors, it is just being polite but admittedly not essential by law.

[hannah40]

well my aunt and uncle are married my uncle is my mums brother.they went to a nursing home nearer us and had a look round they accepted a room there and told the home they are in they were moving.then out of nowhere my aunt phoned my mum and said we have changed our mind your brother doesnt want to move (he doesnt really know what he wants with his alzheimers)and it hurt my back travelling so we are staying put.it is the nursing homes tv and no they dont have a social worker

[hannah40]

also i agree the staff do not have to supply my mum with d a drink but when an elderly lady has travelled 100 miles to visit her brother on a train (and they have been told by my aunt she is visiting}surely a cup of tea would be offered they bring a drink in to my aunt and uncle but she isnt offered,

[cathfromsaron]

£1000 per week? you can use that resource to get an excellent place nearby, where you can visit and take charge!

i'd get them moved pronto!

[chelle7272]

Sounds like they don't want to move though

[TOWIE]

Hannah - I would look into getting them moved - it won't be easy, but in my recent experience with my Mum, if your gut feeling is that something isn't right, then its most probably not.

My Mum's feel always looked swollen when she was in her first Care Home, and all they kept saying to me, was that because she walked up and down a lot, this was the cause. When I moved her to her last Home, the swollen feet disappeared, because she was getting much better care.

If the staff have common courtesy they would offer your Mum a cup of tea/coffee.

[bednobs]

or maybe they are attending to other patients and don't have time to clock that visitors have arrived for x patient and they might be thirsty. She could always take a flask with her. Couldn't you buy them a new tv if they don't have one or can't afford their own?
Your aunt sounds very independent, and maybe she does have control over who calls the gp

[hannah40]

Towie your comments are very useful thank you.Bednobs the tv belongs to the nursing home they supply them not the residents themselves.My aunt is very independent but i can tell on the phone she gets confused.its all about residents choice so i cant just move them if i could i would have by now.

[Canary42]

Have you contacted the Care Quality Commission for help/advice ?

http://www.cqc.org.uk/

[hannah40]

thanks canary 42

[bednobs]

i don't mean to seem rude and sorry if i came accross that way

[ummmm]

No you can't just move them if your Aunt is considered mentally able to make her own decisions.

[brenda]

Hi Hannah -- am sorry that I do not have a solution to your problem --- but I think your post highlights some of the difficulties relatives face when their loved ones are in a carehome.
It is very difficult indeed to work out the true scenario when something happens , when you are distant and not on site to follow things through.
It is possible that a social worker could be helpful to you , but the clients may not want one .
Could the family buy a TV for the old couple?
I hope that your anxieties are soon resolved , please let us know if you wish, I for one would be interested in the outcome . All the best Brenda.