Christmas sniping

[suechu]

Three of my four offspring, all in their twenties, take Christmas Day when we're all unusually in the same room, as a great opportunity to 'jokily' belittle and take the p. out of their married sister. I think this actually hurts me more than it does her, or she wouldn't be coming to us again this year, and cooking Christmas dinner!

My question is, how to I cope with this? If I say anything to them they all blame each other and accuse me of making a fuss about nothing. Lovely eh. Advice anyone? Incidentally my husband is no support at all.

[murraymints]

Don't let it bother you..it obviously doesn't bother her...unlesss before she arrives you line them up and give a good stern mother talk..but that would kinda dampen the Xmas spirit....

[jno]

have a word with your sister first. If she truly doesn't mind, then you probably don't need to. But you are entitled to request courtesy in your own house.

[suechu]

They usually take the p. out of her wedding reception, which was a bit of a disaster, but which I had organised and paid for. I know it shouldn't upset me, but it does. I often feel like walking out.

[B00]

Tell 'em to give a rest for the day or you're chucking them out, Christmas or not!

It's your house, and if you don't like what's being said in there, you've every right to say so.

[jno]

you are entitled to your own feelings, and in your own home you are entitled to have them respected.

So do you think they are actually having a dig at you rather than her? That is bad manners on their part. And it's a shame that your husband isn't standing behind you. I wonder if your problems don't go a little wider than just Christmas.

[B00]

See? Jno agrees with me, except they're more polite about it than me :-)

[suechu]

Thanks, Mark, it's actually their sister, not mine. She has said it does upset her; I find it so embarrassing, especially when her husband's sitting their next to her. I can't understand why they're so cruel on what is supposed to be a happy family day. It's all cloaked in the guise of hilarity of course but it's just not funny.

[B00]

Who's Mark?

[ummmm]

Mark is 'Mark as best answer'

[grasscarp]

If your married daughter is coming she probably doesnt mind. I think you are the one that minds, for the reason you said. If subject comes up why not just say that you are not happy for this going on year after year, and lets give it a rest. (but do it as light heartedly as you can so as not to make this a time for a row.) All families say something wrong at Christmas and I dont think they would want to upset you, so why not let your feeling be known.

[suechu]

Haha you can see what I did there - Mark as best answer. Oops! Well that's cheered me up a bit anyway!

[suechu]

Thanks, all (and Mark), for your wise words. It actually does help just to share a problem.

[jno]

sorry, misread that. Perhaps it's up to your daughter to decide that she doesn't want to come along to these occasions (I would), though as hostess you also have a right to tell the rest of them to shape up or ship out as B00 says.

Maybe it's worth planning a completely different Christmas in future years - go away somewhere nice maybe? Or just invite your daughter to yours and leave her siblings to moan among themselves? You're not actually required to be Mother Christmas to an ungrateful family forever, you know. And who needs Christmas stress.

[EvianBaby]

Isn't that normal? It certainly is in our house. One of my sisters always makes it her mission to try and make me cry. I don't think it's worked yet. In fact it's quite fun seeing what new insults people can come up with.

[I.Don No]

families are great, aren't they?

[joko]

im a veggie and every single year my brother went through his usual snidey routine of 'jokes', and waving turkey in my face etc...

one year i just smiled and said "haha, oh wow, that just gets funnier and funnier every single year! - no really, it does! ... i mean you would think it would get tedious and boring and make you look stupid after the 50th time of hearing the same routine every single year...but no... they are just as hilarious as the first time you said them, 15 years ago... brilliant! you should be on telly with material like that... comedy genius!" ... i embarrassed him in front of his wife - and he hasnt said a word since...

[Kassee]

I would tell the three offspring (are they boys - by any chance) that you have had enough of it. I would tell them individually, when you see them, before Christmas, if they cant be civil to their sister, then it is the last Christmas dinner you will be cooking. I would put my foot down - I dont expect they are meaning to offend anyone - maybe they just cant think of anything else to say when they all get together.

I dont think it is normal for families to take the mickey out of each other at all - we have just had a big family get-to-gether on Xmas day, a game of footy at the park, some quiz games too, and had a very good time.

I would have never stood for my kids being nasty to each other, either in fun or otherwise, siblings stick together in my book. Partners may come and go - but sibling will always be part of the family

[rozia]

you really need to give them a good talking to, like murraymints said, line them up and tell them they must not show you up and take pee out of their sister, jokes a joke, but its wearing thin and they need to grow up.

[MRsnail]

are they jealous perhaps ? are they not married themselves? tell them you find it offensive and hurtful

[fairycakes69]

It could be that they don't know what to say to each other and this subject is the only common ground they have. My lot all take the mick out of each other, over stilly things that happened when they all lived at home. This year it was about the really bad present one of them got from her boyfriend. Once the drink gets flowing they seem to find it very amusing and goes on and on.