Awkward invites

[Leapers]

Hi everyone,
Just wondering what the social etiquette is for my current situation...
I am in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend at the mo but he is coming back for a short period over easter as its both his mothers, fathers and sisters birthday in a matter of three days. His mother has been ill recently and had time off work due to a severe allergic reaction to some prescribed medication (although the worst is over) and has invited me to her birthday meal, it is classed as a celebratory meal as several of my boyfriends siblings have just qualified, got new jobs, etc and i have also recently had a new offer.

And this all seems nice i live a good few hours away from his family and although i have met them all a few times they're all lovely, he does have a huge family, he is one of 10 children plus all the cousins and other relations which are invited, they also slightly intimidate me due to being from a very small quiet family, I am not sure whether to accept the invite it would involve staying for a couple of days with them and if his mother is just recovering would i be more hassle to her health.
I am also the only person invited that is not an actual relative which i think puts some pressure on me, and i am not the most socially comfortable person and find it awkward to chat to so many people at once.
I am not sure whether to accept the invite and man-up a bit or decline politely with other work committments or something? Would it be rude?

Thanks

[gness]

Would it be possible to go to share the celebrations but book into a B&B using Mother`s health as a reason? That way you would have some quiet time on your own or just with boyfriend.

[Leapers]

I don't think they would let me to be honest, i have always stayed at theirs previously and my boyfriend would certainly prefer to stay at home with everyone, i will get time with his with just the two of us as he is returning with me afterwards to mine for a week also.

[Mamyalynne]

I think you should take it as a great honour to be invited and included in this family affair. Whilst it may seem a bit overpowering in the face of so many folk you being from a quieter family, am sure if you relax all will be well.

You don't need to feel a burden, offer to help with small tasks, am sure you will have a great time, they sound lovely.

[Leapers]

Thanks mamya, i always have a great time with them its just the lead up to it i panic and get nervous about everything, my boyfriend always says that there is so many of them anyway that one more doesn't make a difference, but i am not sure how true that is!

[Mamyalynne]

Bite the bullet and go!!

[craft1948]

I'd go..........if it's not good just chalk it down to experience.

[FredPuli43]

mamya's right. i know what it's like. I am an only child and wasn't even adjusted to my future wife having siblings ! So the prospect of meeting all of the dozens of family was intimidating. But you soon get used to it and you are being and will be treated as family, you can bet on it. They won't see you as an outsider but absolutely the reverse. Get ready for never being quite able to remember who is who at first; who is whose brother or wife and so on; but don't fret about that.They know, which is all that matters (!), and will happily accept your confusion.

[237SJ]

I think you should go. I understand that you might feel a little bit intimidated but that is because you come from a small family (as you said yourself). I also think the fact that you are a non-relative but you have still been invited says a lot about how that family feel towards you. Go for it. You`ll have a great time.

[NOX]

Coming from a massive family myself the 'one more won't make a difference' thing is definitely true. Go, you'll enjoy it once you're there:)

[NKDK]

you need to man up and go. This is not going to be the only family occasion surely and if you back out now you'll back out again and again! They might be offended if you refuse. Just go and have fun, Get to know them and embrace it :-)

[mandy22]

go and enjoy the occasion. i know of too many family rifts that spoil events like this so accept the invite, if they didnt want you there they wouldnt have asked you, just relax and you will be fine, they sound like a lovely family who are welcoming you and will probably be aware that if may be awkward for you but they and your boyfriend will support you. good luck and ENJOY!!!

[EvianBaby]

Go. You can do a bit of brown nosing and earn some points with the boyfriends Mum. Have a couple of drinks (but don't get bladdered) and you'll relax.

[Kiki-frog]

I'd go. It's actually very flattering to be included in a close family gathering like this, and if you're the only non-relative it shows that they think of you as one of the family. You might feel like an outsider, but that's obviously not how your boyfriend's family see you.

[rowanwitch]

If things work out long term with boyfriend they will be your family too... you might as well get used to them

[tinkerbell23]

Id go too definately xx

[Leapers]

Hi,
Thanks for all your answers they have made me feel a lot better about going now i think! I have accepted their offer and now just have ten days of worrying about it until i have a great time and wonder why i worried at all! It's always the way but thanks for your help

[Eve]

Go for it :) I had similar (if not quite on that scale) as an ex of mine was one of 5 so it would be (to me) bit family gatherings just for normal stuff like Sunday dinner with parents, siblings, partners, children and sometimes family friends.

I had some great time staying there. Always made to feel so welcome. One of my first times meeting the family en masse (had only met a few previously) was at a family friend's wedding. I was worried about going as we'd not been together long and I hadn't met some of his siblings at that point but it was a lovely day and I was made very much a part of things.

[Nini74]

if you've told your boyfriend how you feel i'm sure if you tell him its all a bit much for you, he can find some local attraction he wants to show you and you can escape for a few hours. sounds like a fab invite -i'd jump at it if i were you. you'll have a great time - and with so many other people there, nobody will really be paying you that much attention... xx

[pusskin]

!I am one of 10 children, and its lovely to have a new comer into the family!
Its lovely that they all want you to join them.
Lucky to be among a big family --Enjoy xx

[boxtops]

I'd go- as mamya said, it's quite an honour to be invited. Go, end enjoy!