The Fanriffic Friday Comedy Show

[Fanriffic]

WARNING! – Some jokes may offend, so don’t read the ones that offend you or you’ll be awfully offended by offensive jokes. Feel free to groan.


I used to live next door to a family of anorexic agoraphobics.
I bet they had a few skeletons in the closet.

I went to see that Walt Disney on Ice Extravaganza.
It was rather disappointing, just an old geezer in a freezer.

Rolf Harris has been very unwell recently. Doctors can't tell what it is yet.

I asked my girlfriend to sexually stimulate me with my keyring but she keeps fobbing me off.

I went on positive thinking course last week. It was crap. Room was half empty.

Technically, shoplifting from the Apple Store only counts as Scrumpy.

Hear about the woman who carried her baby for 13 months?
She didn’t have a pram.

Why has Bugs Bunny got big ears?
Because he’s a rabbit.

This man took his boy to see a Child Psychologist.
The Psychologist was just seven years old.

I went Bob-sleighing last year. I killed eight blokes called Bob.

I bought a bottle of H.P. Sauce yesterday.
I’m now paying it off at 5p a week.

I was stung by a bee today. It charged me £20 for a jar of honey.

Paul McCartney is now paying twice as much on shoes for his new wife than he did with his last wife.

And To Close The Show:
I remember at school the teacher asked me to spell Schadenfreude.
I couldn't, but he's dead now and I'm not, so I win.

Thank you and goodnight comedy fans.
The things you do when you are bored.

[Wharton]

Why do elephants have big ears? Because Noddy wouldn't pay the ransom.

[Old_Geezer]

I've never got into a freezer !

BTW it's scrumping not scrumpy, cheers.

[askyourgran]

Oh dear, oh dear.

[tenrec]

Some good'uns there.