Why do old people crave attention and try and make us feel miserable and guilty all the time?

[Rohan56]

As above i'm sick to the back teeth of my grandad, it's all me me me me me, we do everything for him and it's never bloody enough and then when he's really off on one he then uses emotional blackmail and says that maybe we don't want him around, and would things be better if he was dead, it's horrible but they would be as my mum is constantly in tears over his behavior and now he's resorted to hinting he wants to kill himself as he "knows" we don't want him around.
I'ts unbelievable and all of this stress is taking a toll on my studying my mums health as she's starting smoking 20 a day and drinks quite a bit to blot it all out and even my little sister has started to wet the bed again through all the worry.
He started to change after our nan died and obviously we felt sorry for him and let him move in with us but now it's got to the point where i'm asking my mum to put him in an old peoples home and to be quite frank if he died tomorrow aside from being upset because my mother is, i honestly can say i wouldn't feel any emotion at all.
I'm at the end of my tether, can anyone help?

[TopKat]

Sorry to hear that you (and your family) are having such a hard time with your grandad and his behaviour is making you all so unhappy. Was he always like this or is this behaviour new? If it isn't just how he always was, then perhaps he is depressed. You mentioned that when your nan died he moved in with you. Perhaps the shock of losing his wife and then his home has made your grandad behave this way. If it is at all possible, you should discuss this with the adults involved and see if you can think of a way to get him help. If his GP is sympathetic, it might be worth having a chat with him/her. In any case, you shouldn't carry on as you are as it is clearly too much for everyone. Things need to change, for his sake as well as your mum's. Hope this helps.

[boxtops]

He sounds very unhappy - I wouldn't like it if I had to move in with family after I'd had my own place and lost my partner. If you don't feel wanted either, no wonder the poor chap's miserable - it sounds really horrible in your house.
Is he able to do things for himself, go out and meet his own friends? How old is he, how long is it since your nan died?

[chaptazbru]

Is there a chance you can sit him down and have a talk with him (without losing your temper), telling him how his behaviour is upsetting everyone, especially your Mum and how all you want to do is help him? He needs a wake up call.

[Rohan56]

Thanks topkatguys, i can't remember if he was like this before but after our nan passed that's when the behaviour became more erratic, he obviously misses her as we all do.
Boxtops it's been 3 years and he's 70.
chaptazbru i wish we could but he's just so hard headed and stubborn

[tenrec]

He sounds as if he is probably very sad. Old age is horrible.

[Rohan56]

Tenrec that it is.

[tenrec]

Could you encourage him to get out and go to a day centre? It might take his mind of things.

[chaptazbru]

My God 70's not that old - I thought he was in his 80's from reading your post. Stubborn or not, you need to be straight with him and make him listen, he's probably got years let yet and you can't all go on like this. He should count his blessings, a lot of older people have no family - maybe show him this post ?

[jabuchanjx]

I hate to hear all of what your family, is having to endure. Like Top stated, maybe it is hard on your granddad loosing his wife and his home or as Top asks was he always like this or is this behavior new? It would be wise to seek out his GP and about getting some anti depressants. Your family can not continue with the stress it has undertook if you are already at your tethers end, your sister is now having accidents when asleep and your mom is acting out with drink and smoke in order to cope. Those are serious warning signs that should not be ignored. Please vent here for help, and please take to heart what is written it hopes it will help. On the worst side, if he has always been this way, I think it would be best if he is sent to a home. For he will not ever change, if it is new, medicine, love and prayer will help. And this place to help you vent.

[boxtops]

70 is no age at all, he's not old! He's probably frustrated and angry and probably still missing your nan, and having to live in his family's house. He might be regretting having to move in with you - nobody should move in because people feel sorry for them, he was only 67 when your nan died - I thought you meant he was in his 80s.
What does he do all day? perhaps he could get a volunteer job so his life is a bit more interesting for him.

[gness]

Seventy! Gosh I thought you meant he was old. I climb,raft,clay shoot and much more with a group, many of whom are seventy plus. Is he fit?
Get him on here.....we`ll buck him up.x (p.s. I`m not seventy plus...phew)

[lcg]

ignore him completely and tell him to sod off until he learns some manners. you don't have to talk to him if you don't want to. i don't speak to any of my family and my life is much more peaceful....10 years and counting. if you and your mum go on strike for a week or two, he may well come round and get a reality check. you never know....

[askyourgran]

Seventy isn't old but he is now an unhappy man, his life partner has died. It takes longer for an older person to come to terms with losing their long time partner, someone who is used to his likes and dislikes and probaby did everything for him. Not to mention losing the familiarity of his own home. It would be kinder to sit and talk to him and explain, nicely, how everyone feels. Does he get out and about, any friends, or are there any little jobs for him to do to make him feel useful and wanted? He is most likely depressed and wanting to feel loved and cared for, needing some sort of stimulation to continue living with something to look forward to.

[RATTER15]

He sounds like a very bored man and feeling forgotten!! 70 isnt that old, still young enough to be out enjoying himself, maybe he just needs a little help and encouragement.

[Jeza]

Sounds to me like you're taking the P. Could be wrong, but I doubt it.