should i tell ex bf ex wife about his new children

[GrantA]

I was with my children father for 6 years, he does have a son with his ex wife who is now 8 years old, i have met him a few times, but ex was not allowed to have him overnight, for some reason and he did not want him to be part of ours lives. We have a lot of talks about him telling his son and ex wife about me expecting etc but he never did.

I had two children with him, and i feel that all his children should know about one another, but he wont. Personally i dont care about him, as he is a low life (him and my sister had an affair and they are now together).

Should I tell the ex wife about my two children as they dont know anything about this?

[ummmm]

Yes, the are half siblings. They should, if you both can be civil, have the chance to know each other.

[rowanwitch]

start with a polite letter ...apologise for the hurt you and he caused and explain your concerns about the children... let her make the next move

[ummmm]

Good idea Rowan.

When my kids Dad split with his GF she wrote me a letter, one for me, one for the kids. She asked if it would be possible to have some contact with them, and to the kids she said that she loved them and would like to always be their friend. She left it up to me if I wanted to give them the letter. That was about 6 years ago...and we are great friends now.

[joko]

yes you should tell them.
they will not thank you or him for keeping it secret

if this is indeed an attempt at revenge or spite on your part - then i think this one of the times when actually it is the right thing to do

[GrantA]

it is not about revenge, nor i am a women scorned. When i met him, he was already divorced, he told me that he had told his ex wife about my first child when i was expecting, and that she didnt want to know anything about his new relationship. I was 3 months pregnant with my second child, when i found out he was having an affair with my sister, I choose to end our relationship, so If i wanted revenge then i would of done it before now. At the time of ending our relationship i didnt know i was pregnant, it was a few weeks after that i found out about this, however there was no way i was going to take him back, as once the trust has gone, it is very hard to get it back, the only reason for having him back would be cos of the children, which is not good enough.

For me, i dont care what he does, but the children are the ones who are missing out, i found last week that he has never told his ex wife about us and nor is she aware that we even exist. Hence posting this question.

I feel that i should write a letter to her and explain but i know that this could hurt and upset her, but sadly he had caused this and i feel that the children should know one another.

[GrantA]

ummmm - did you know about her, before the letter arrived?

[ummmm]

Only from handing kids over and picking them up. Also a few conversations about holidays and stuff. I always liked her because the kids liked her so much.

Situations like this can go either way, but you've got nothing to lose. If she doesn't want to know, your kids don't need to know that. On the other hand your kids gain their half siblings, who could turn out to be their best friends in life.

[ummmm]

After all this time I bet she wouldn't even care what her ex got up to.