The Olympics 2016! What are you training for?

[nellypope]

When it comes to achievements in life, I've not done too badly. I once got an 8 letter word on Countdown (EPIDURAL) and I did rather spectacularly dent David Coulthard's car, illustrating quite beautifully just how bad a woman's driving can be when parking in a Little Chef car park with a Costa Coffee between her knees (not sure the latter should be in this list, anyway). 

Following the success of Olympic gold for Stanning & Glover (one of whom has only been rowing for four years) I feel inspired to aim high and train for Rio. But I need to evaluate my situation carefully, I think it would be wise to go for an event where skill is more important than fitness. Not that my fitness levels are too bad for a 38 year old, I can move pretty quick when I need to, my time trial times are rather competitive when I need to make tea, grab a rusk, baby wipes and the sky remote in a Jeremy Kyle ad break. And my lap times have greatly improved on the health centre to pharmacy run now I have invested in superior kit (a double stroller). My husband suggested gymnastics and went into great detail regarding dismounts and floor shows, it was then that I realised he was getting the BBC Olympic coverage and Babestation confused. Then I thought Judo! But I found myself watching the women's finals and shouting "go on girl bite her" and "fart on 'er head" whenever they were engaged in a tousle. But while I'm deciding which Olympic event to train for, I said "hang on Nelly . . . . there's more to life than sports" so I'm adding to my list with a life goal each year. So while I wait to win gold in Rio I'm going to . . . 

2013 - Write a concept album. I'm thinking something along the same lines as Pink Floyd (Dark side of the moon). If I find the lyrics a bit of a struggle (after all I'm doing this on my own) I may aim for something  more Tubular Bells(ish). Providing it can be written on my daughters casio (it's only got one octave and F# doesn't work, but I never liked that key anyway).

2014 - Eurovision. Depending on how the concept album works out. It could be that the material and creative juices just dont "flow" as well as expected or perhaps the concept album is getting plenty of air time, either way I only need one track for Eurovision. Obviously I doubt I will actually perform in Sweden as someone needs to be at home to put the kids to bed.

2015 - Get a celebrity to follow me on Twitter. This may sound ridiculous (because after all once you've written a platinum concept album, with a quadrophonic version availble, I should imagine I will be lunching with Gary Barlow and Will.i.am on weekly basis at least) but let's say for arguments sake my music career has a more 'unground feel' to it I would like to get a number of idiotic celebs to read my rubbish and perhaps I can achieve Twitter fame. I will also need a rather quiet year after my previous two busy ones and with the build up to Rio, and intense training schedule etc.

2016 - RIO! Finally my Olympic gold is in my sights. But which event? I need something skill based, (perhaps not archery as I'm fond of a glass of Pinot in the evening and trying to aim perfectly still the next morning is like trying to ask a crapping dog not to shake). And obviously age is against me? Also something that I can fit the training in around the family. Crèche facilities etc. Any ideas?

[Dee Sa]

nellypope I think you are marvellous, definately go for Rio.

[AB Editor]

Thanks Nelly :)

[mccfluff]

lol nelly

welly wanging you can take the family with you, use them as targets

[Hopkirk]

I thought about trying for the men's supermarket self checkout time trial, but I keep getting warnings.

[rockyracoon]

Nelly, you have made my day :)

[tonyav]

Bloody hell nellypope, you dented D C's car !

[AB Editor]

Isn't that a relay Hopkirk?

[Hopkirk]

There is a relay, but the baked bean handover is a bit tricky so I am sticking to the solo.

[jackthehat]

I'm trying for the *Duvet-endurance event* but my training keeps getting interrupted by the need to work and shop.

I am hoping to secure some lucrative sponsorship details very soon to remove all distractions from my preparations for this demanding discipline...

[AB Editor]

It's the dismount which is the hardest part of that Jack.

[nellypope]

Hopkirk I too have incurred the wrath of supermarket adjudicators. Illegal pass. Pub events! Genius idea.

[vulcan]

You could try horse jumping. Start with, say, a Shetland pony and if you can jump over that, try a New Forest pony and progress from there. you could of course use the family members at home for training.

[flump1]

Nelly you are an inspiration ! Good luck with your endeavours, keep us informed of your progress, absolutely brilliant !! x

[Zacs-Master]

Nelly, I'm training for 'sitting down without going "oooomph"' If I get good, I might even go for the 'standing up without going "Aaaaagh"'

Re the concept album- could we collaborate? My concept is all about someone who can't stop criticising people who have faith - the working title is 'Comfortably Dumb' - whaddya think? I've got first verse of first song done:

I just can't comprehend
A world without end
It's too much for my small brain to take
It's causing my synapses to break
I think I'll have one off the wrist
whist I wonder whether a craetor exists

[dotty.]

if you actually set up a summer school can it be in Antuigua? I think you have a lot to offer and could always develop a career as a mentor which could see you right into your dotage......look at andrew lloyd webber.

[nellypope]

Definately looking into the energy drinks market. My two year old swears by the restorative powers of Tesco everyday value summer fruit squash, (has the added bonus of a terrible taste, so you think its got to be medicinal) I'm thinking that I have to pick a sport with a flattering outfit! Was shocked watching the women's athletics this morning, I wear more to bed. But Mr pope enjoyed it.

[nellypope]

Toes, we should talk. Have been thinking about the sponsorship issue. I did email Procter & Gamble a few months ago, because they have declared themselves the "proud sponsors of mums" (self appointed I might add) I asked if they would therefore pay for a tummy tuck (two c sections take there toll) I even offered my flesh (in the form of a P&G tattoo, location of tattoo TBA) but I only received an automated response. Very disappointed. I would ask D C for his sporting contacts but the dent wasn't that bad so I'm pretty sure I haven't made it on his Christmas card list.