I'm 20 years old and want a baby need advice as it's difficult

[Misconfused]

I'm 20 years old and I'm desperate for a baby I have a beautiful godson and as much as I'm really happy for my best friend I'm so jelous aswell :( I've been with my partner well over a year now both in good jobs and I have my own flat but he is dead against children. I fell pregnant and there was no conversation about it he wanted an abortion. It broke my heart and I have regretted it everyday since :( I love him but I really want kids. Can anyone give me advice on what to do ? Much appreciated x

[tinkerbell23]

If he dosent want kids...and you do...you need to meet someone new who has the same wants as you xx

[lcg]

dump him and find someone who does. 20 is young to be wanting a child without a very steady relationship. if you have a baby with someone who isn't right for you - you will be tied to that person for life though the child. be careful is my advice and think about what you are doing.

[NoMercy]

Well for starters, don't have a baby with that muppet. If he bullied you into an abortion, then he was only looking out for himself.

Your emotions are probably running high in the aftermath of the termination and you think a baby will mend things...but you would be better off making an emotional and.physical recovery first.

Have you thought about counselling?"

[China Doll]

Decide what you want more, children or your partner. He may come round in time, if he's the same age as you then I consider 20 to be quite young to be thinking of children, (personal opinion obviously), it's a gamble though. If he never changes his mind then can you be happy with a future that is based completely on you two as a loving couple enjoying life together. Could you be just as happy with someone else who does want children? That is also a big gamble.

There is no advice anyone can give, it is an entirely personal and terribly complex decision. All people can tell you perhaps is what to focus on when making your decision.

[Hopkirk]

Another one of these questions asked by someone who has just joined.

There have been a lot recently.

Someone has a very good imagination.

[pastafreak]

Find someone who also wants children and a family.
Ideally,any child should grow up in an environment where they are loved and wanted by both parents.
Try not to be desperate for a child-you have plenty of time to establish a relationship with someone who is loving and supportive.

[Misconfused]

I didn't really have much of a childhood myself so really want to give a child everything I never had. Everyone around me has kids as I have very Matthew friends and I'm very mature myself. I do love him but all he keeps saying is he lives for now the 2 of us earn great money and get along brilliantly. After the situation before I'm scared to bring up the topic of children. It's something I've craved for a good few years now even got a puppy and stuff to try take my mind of it but its one thing that never leaves mind. I want to spend the rest of my life with him and have kids but don't know where to go from here.

[Mojo-Jo-Jo]

Sorry NoM but I can't agree that he's a bit of a git.
It's a very young age to be having kids, even though I had mine at 17 and he turned out ok. It was hard work though and I wish I'd been older.
Maybe he knew he wasn't ready for the responsibility. The OP still had the final say in the matter after all.
To answer the question, it sounds like you're one of life's natural mothers, but if that's true, the feeling wont go away so build a stable life first. The child is going to need it.
If he doesn't want children now then fine. See how he feels in 5 years. If you are still together by then you will have stood the test of time and should be ready to discuss children.
Do what's best for them, not for you.

[Misconfused]

Nomercy ... It was a good while ago now I think I'm to much of a pushover and want to make him happy and I guess my feelings suffer in the process :/ ive had good time to think since that happened thought long and hard if it was the right decision or not and all I've done since the moment it happened is regret it xxx

[China Doll]

I don't think it's necessarily mature to want a child partly because you had a bad childhood and want to give a child the childhood you never had personally. To me hat's living vicariously through someone else which is a rather dangerous game with children. Perhaps think harder about the real reasons you want a child, if there are left over issues from childhood on your part then you need to consider those carefully and deal with them. You will also need to focus on what is more important to you, the relationship or your need for children but I suspect that decision comes after you've closely examined your motives; to me that's the mature way of doing it.

[ladybirder]

My only advice to you is that while you are deciding what to do, make sure you don't get pregnant again. He won't want it and where does that leave you again ...

[Misconfused]

He is 25 so 5 years older than me. And to be honest waiting around for 5 years will drive me insane all I want is to have a beautiful little gift that I can love my partner can love and teach watch them grow progress learn and everything that comes with it. Waking up in the middle of the night to make sure they are ok holding them when they are upset. Just everything. I'm constantly around children as I said previously 99% of my friends have kids, being around then makes me very jelous and makes me want to have it more in my life and makes me realise how much I really want kids of my own. It's the first thing I think about every morning and constantly all day. I even dream that I'm pregnant. I crave it so much :( xx

[NoMercy]

Mojo ... Surely he should have taken her feelings into consideration and not just make the decision for her.

[Mojo-Jo-Jo]

He didn't Nom. He didn't plug her into the mains or anything. She had a choice, which she made and she now regrets.
Let's leave it at that eh? Not the place and all that. :)

[woofgang]

You say you want a baby...with great respect, do you also want a toddler who has tantrums, a teenager who has the moody strops, a young adult who goes out and gets drunk and rolls home in the early hours? Cs you get all those when you have a child.....be sure really sure that you want all of those people as well as the cute baby.....

[Misconfused]

I did feel like I didn't have a choice tho :/he could have shown me support and I got nothing in return. I needed him to be there to try understand. But all I got was aw you'll be fine don't worry but anytime he's upset I'm expected to rush to his side and support him ( in which I do anyways btw ) I dont know weather to quiz him quiz him about the topic again ?

[Misconfused]

Wolfgang I want everything that goes with it I thought about everything sex talks when they hit that age puberty first love literally everything and I want it all x

[Mojo-Jo-Jo]

Please don't. He doesn't want a child right now.
You face a simple choice. You either stay with a man that you love without kids, for now, or you leave him and rush into the whole kid thing.
Do you really want to do that?

[Mojo-Jo-Jo]

Do you want an entire week without sleep because your child has a cough? Regularly?
Do you want 3 hour screaming sessions? No social life? Limited job options? Expensive childcare? To move house so they're not taught in a crap school? Uniform or gas?
This is the reality. Wait and get somewhere first. Enjoy each other enough to know that you'll be good parents together.