family ties

[icklepickle]

My sister in law has been minding my little one for the last 8 monthes - she gets paid a reasonable amount for this. Lately she has been very stroppy with me and demanding to be paid when my child is not with her - sickness etc. I know child minders get paid for time your children aren't there but am I being unreasonable expecting his auntie to not be so cold and calculating about it. She has been very petty and picky with me recently at family parties as well, is it me or the situation? It has now ended up with her demanding I leave work now to go and get him as she doesn't want to do this any more. Any advice please ....

[Gevs1966]

Find yourself a professional childminder who will do their job without moaning

[ursula62]

It's a hard lesson to learn, but never mix business with pleasure. Particularly where family are involved.

Your sister probably feels that you are taking advantage of her good nature - perhaps you are paying her a lot less than you would have to pay a minder or nursery?

If you are paying her the going rate and she's not doing a proper job then use a professional childminder. It costs more, and yes, you do have to pay when the child is sick, or if you are on holiday - to guarantee your child's place. But it's purely a business arrangement and you don't have to sit next to your childminder at family get togethers.

I'm not sure of the insurance situation if the child were harmed while with an unqualified person anyway, so you would get better peace of mind with a professional minder.

[shaz-rla]

It is actually illegal to get paid for minding children unless you are registered childminder or nursery.  Most childminders are not that expensive - I only charge �2.50 an hour.  It is very difficult when you have to rely on family to look after children.  Your local council should be able to give you a list of registered childminders in your area (or a nursery). Good luck with your sister in law maybe she is finding it difficult and looking for an excuse to get out of doing it as your little one gets older they become more demanding and not like a cute baby who lies there gurgling ????  

[spudqueen]

shaz-rla, it's not illegal to be paid to look after someone elses child/ren when not registered as long as you do it in the childs home, this is how Nannies work.

icklepickle, I agree with the other posts, your sister-in-law must be feeling put upon somehow (either fairly or unfairly) and it would be better for you to find professional childcare, or treat your sister-in-law as though she was a professional. Maybe you could have a chat with her and say that you were thinking of putting your child in a nursery and see how she reacts.

[hectic]

Hi icklepickle, I too agree with the other posts, I used to look after my sisters little one every saturday (allbeit she didn't pay me) but I started to feel like it was put on me and that she was expecting too much from me so I can see where your sister in-law is coming from, she probably feels like you are abusing her as she would get used to a certain amount of money coming in and start to rely on the same amount each week but then if your child is ill and you don't want to pay then she loses out, I think this is probably more likely to be the reason that she is being off with you! 

[Hgrove]

It is not illegal to pay a *blood* *relative* to look after your child.  I have had nothing but the most appalling grief and trouble from registered childminders so I would never ever recommend using one.  Where I live the going rate is around �5 per hour.  They collect money in advance then use every excuse possible to get you to collect the child (He sneezed!  Collect him this minute!  I don't look after sick children!) and, of course, keep the money.  If there are ties of love and affection a blood relative is much better than anything else, remember:  professionals are in it for the money and only for the money. Obviously if your sister in law wants to stop looking after your child you have no choice but to go to a "professional".  Repeat it is not illegal to pay a blood relative to look after your child in their home.  In fact it is not illegal to pay anyone to look after your child for up to 2 hrs a day in their home.  In any case it is not illegal for anyone to be paid to look after your child in your home.

[smee.tracey]

Hgrove, you've been dealt a bum deal by childminders. My village has a childminding network. All childminders know each other and all parents know all childminders. We pay �2.60 ph whoever looks after our children. It's not that we don't care who is caring for our children, we know and trust all the minders involved. If a minder is sick or has a holiday someone else agrees to take over. I got involved by asking the local Infant school if they knew or recommended anyone. The school secretary recommended her minder who put me in touch with two others. I could not sing the praises of any of the people who have minded my son highly enough. They are responsible, sensible and loving.
Testament to this is that my son is now at school and will still run to say hello and want to play with his old minders and their children.
Good luck ickle, childminders, in my experience, are a VERY good thing

[icklepickle]

Thank you all very much for your views.  I have used professional childminders and found them to be extortionate. I only work part time and would still be charged for a full day at �5 an hour it didn't seem good sense and yes every time he sneezed I had to go get him.  I actually finish work in two weeks so the arrangement was coming to an end anyway.  The problem I have more than anything else is her attitude towards me.  But I suppose thats one of those things I married her brother it doesn't mean we have to get on does it ! Anyway thank you all again.