Keeping A Death From The Family,feedback Plz.

[prendi]

My sister in law died a couple of weeks ago from cancer.The first I knew of it when I saw the obituary in the paper!!We have not visited my brother for a couple of years,just sent xmas cards etc.the rest of the family are the same,dont keep in touch etc,and they didn't know about her death either,til they saw it in the paper.apparently my sister in law didn't want my brother to tell any one about her illness or her death,but surely we should have been informed of her death if only to pay our respects,what do you think??

[prendi]

Cloverjo,that is what I thought,that is why I wanted someone elses opinion on the matter.

[sherrardk]

Everyone is different and all families are different. Himself is currently 'estranged' from his dad and remaining sister. Don't know who would inform us of either's deaths (he is in his 90's and she has severe MS). I have tried to get him back on speaking terms to no avail.

[prendi]

Paddywack,i would have thought he wouldn't have told us about her illness while she was here,but surely after her passing he could have told us,that is what is so strange,it is the first time any close family has died.

[Jeza]

Neither mic or I have any family prendi. Maybe distant cousins somewhere. I do not want vultures praying on my goods. I have seen this happen in the past. I do not want it to happen to me.

[jno]

he presumably didn't keep the news of her death to himself if it got into the paper?

[tamborine]

Prendi are you related to ummm ? You should have been told as its a good time to re-connect with cousins etc

[paddywak]

It's sad this sort of thing happens prendi, but it just proves the old saying, "There's nowt as queer as folk" I just hope you manage to sort things out amicably.

[naomi24]

As difficult as it is, that's what she wanted, and her immediate family did the right thing. If you weren't close in life, there's little point in turning up at her funeral.

[Mamyalynne]

As difficult as this is, going over and over whether it is right or not is only further torment - you were estranged and it is sad. But you must let it be.

This week I have had devastating news about an estranged family member, but there is absolutely nothing I can do about it, so must leave it alone.

[naomi24]

Mamyalynne, difficult - but the gracious thing to do. I commend you.

[Mamyalynne]

Very hard, have shed some tears but know I am helpless in this one.

[Jeza]

Not so long ago I went to a funeral of a 64 year old lady who I really cared about. One of her relatives was wearing the Birthday present we had bought for her 6 months earlier. On closer looking she was also wearing her favourite outfit. Now don't say anything about in memory of her. It was thieving through and through. Otherwise she would have taken them back along with her jewellery. Instead she took them home.

[naomi24]

I know. x

[naomi24]

^^That was to Mamyalynne.

[Mamyalynne]

She stole your friends clothes ? from who? were they to be donated or thrown out?

[Mamyalynne]

Thank you Naomi x

[Connemmara]

Jeza - you don't want anybody to be informed when you die - how sad - how many will turn up at your funeral - my brother very much never knew how popular he was (he was a professional singer) nor neither did I - when about 200 people turned up on the actual day - not to mention the people who went to the wake. Are you a muslim - die one day - buried 24 hours later. That is sad:( Conn -

Can you not forgive and forget re a lousy bit of jewellery and the outfit - perhaps your relative gave it to her (you never know the full story) I forgave and forgot my cousin. You do have to move on. Even though my cousin owed me some money when I received unexpected money I went on to "give" her more money. Jewellery, money and clothes don't matter in this terrible materialistic world. Just family and friends!

[Jeza]

Mamya, She lived with her son. When she died according to her son this woman who he thought was a friend just took over. He was happy with this at first, until he realised all the things she had taken. I told him to call the police. His answer was, Why I cannot prove anything.

[Jeza]

Conn, I appreciate your concern. No I'm not muslim nor do I want a funeral. Just a cremation on my own.
As to the jewellery, While I didn't want it back I wanted it to go to her wishes in her will.

[Connemmara]

Jeza - surely when you were at this lovely friend's funeral - you would have been too upset to notice anybody wearing her jewellery and outfit etc.

Maybe you are a materialistic girl living in a materialistic world.

At all my funerals that I have attended - and believe there have been hundreds yes hundreds - couldn't tell you what anybody wore.