Bullying In School

[Kassee]

My daughter is in Year 7 (first year of secondary school) she is small, and young (late August birthday), two weeks younger and she would still be in Juniors. A girl that was her friend (much taller and more assertive girl) has recently started being nasty to my daughter, and started hitting her, twice a slap to the face. She has also taken her drinks bottle and drank from it, and held it high up so she cant reach it to get it back.

First I told her to hit back - which isnt really in her nature. Then decided to speak to the Class Tutor, and explained the whole thing. She refers the whole matter to someone else in the Pastoral team. I said I wanted to know what happened and how they have dealt with it.

Well I'm not very happy, this woman brought both girls in and asked what had happened. My girl didn't really speak up, felt embarrassed and the gobby girl said it was accidental, she was just throwing her hands/arms about and it only happened twice, and she was only playing with the water bottle. So that was the end of that, and the school is going to keep an eye on it.

Well what do you think ? I am not happy with this at all. Is this the way school's deal with bullying ? I feel the whole thing could actually get worse now, the way they have dealt with it. What do you think ? Should you just punch back ?

[woofgang]

Well no, I don't think hitting back is a good idea. Have you seen the school's bullying policy, if not require it, they must have one and they must let you have a copy. has anything else happened (more bullying) since the meeting?

[boxtops]

At least it's had investigation by the school and the "gobby girl" knows that it'll be investigated again if there is a repeat incident. No, you shouldn't punch back. Letting a bully know that it is getting to you only encourages them, and fighting in school would do your daughter's reputation no good even if it is "self defence". It needs to be reported, each time it happens (hopefully it won't happen again).

[Graham-W]

I presume the pastoral team hope that by meeting with "gobby girl" she is now aware she's being watched and can't get away with this kind of behavior. The position needs monitoring by both the pastoral team and yourself to see if the meeting has been effective.

[paddywak]

It might not be a good idea to hit back but It can work.When I was at school,many years ago,I had problems with a bunch of maybe half a dozen lads.This continued for several weeks until I managed to catch the ringleader by himself. After giving him a good thumping I finished off by telling him if I got any more trouble from him or his little gang it would be him I came looking for and that stopped the trouble.Mind you it was in '60's the days of boys will be boys when you were expected to sort your own problems out and you didn't have the PC mob waiting to prosecute you for defending yourself

[carolegif]

Retaliating doesn't work and your daughter could be named as the aggressor. My daughter had a problem similar to this with granddaughter. She was told that the school (primary) had a 'no bullying policy' so it wouldn't happen! Daughter threatened to go to the Education Office and report it. The school acted straight away.
Once at secondary school, a boy emptied granddaughter's bag all over the floor. It was dealt with at once and the boy was excluded for three days and made to apologise. There appears to have been nothing else.

[Kassee]

Just wondered do you think the school has dealt with it correctly, and does the "gobby girl" think she has got away with it.

[woofgang]

no idea what gobby girl thinks. Yes i think for a first offence that's what the school should be doing...as I said ask for a copy of the bullying policy to see what that says.

[Kassee]

I found school's bullying policy online, and yes, now I will keep an eye on it too, make sure nothing else happens. Hopefully it will blow over.

[Old_Geezer]

It must be difficult for the teacher, if the "victim" won't give their side of the story, to do a great deal with no testimony/evidence of what actually happened. To always side with the accuser would give a loophole for getting at ones fellow pupils. Keeping an eye on things, and letting the older girl it isn't acceptable, is probably a decent choice of action.

If things are really bad maybe your daughter could change friends. It is good for her to be able to physically react and make it clear she will tolerate no messing, but if her personality is not like that any action is likely to be half hearted and cause more problems than it solves. Stay away from those unable to behave properly, choose friends with care.

[jkelly24]

I would try and find a way for her to stick/speak up for herself not particularly in a violent way. Pastoral teams will not be around all her life but unfortunately 'gobby' people will. In my experience those kids at school that relied on pastoral support are now finding it difficult to settle into a working environment.

[ummmm]

I would, and have done, told the school to deal with it. They do or I do!

[whirlyhurly]

I am wondering if you have considered home schooling ? { you can't change a person's gentle nature, and why should you have to ? }

[factor-fiction]

That would seem to be a rather a drastic step at this stage, whirleyhurley

[factor-fiction]

Sorry, whirlyhurly

[pixie373]

Keep in contact with the school to keep an eye on things. I assume they have spoken to you about what's happened? Your daughter obviously knows right from wrong, so i wouldn't tell her otherwise.

[BuzzNitemare]

Keep in contact with the school and report any other incidences between your daughter and the other girls, no matter how trivial it may appear. If you can do it by email so much the better , then there is a paper trail showing all your concerns.

Karate lessons helped my daughters greatly when they were being bullied. Not so they could hit back ( tempting as it is ) but in terms of their general confidence and demeanour. Maybe something like that would help your daughter to speak up for herself more easily.