Messy Rooms And Not Looking After Belongings

[BuzzNitemare]

I know it's an oft asked question on here but my children's rooms are not just a bit of a mess they are ridiculous. There is barely an inch of floor, desk, bed and chair bed that is not covered with a jumble of stuff. As a result things get lost, broken and then they try to keep it secret from me which usually results in a bigger row when I find out

Last night I asked them to gather up all their laundry and was assured that the piles I was given was all their dirty laundry. I've just been into their rooms to look for something and managed to fill another basket - goodness knows how long some of it had been lying there. Their school bags are just as bad and so I miss important letters and they end up having to rush homework but they'd lost the instructions and weren't sure what they were supposed to be doing. I've had enough

In the past I've tidied their rooms with them, I've bought them storage boxes, files etc and helped them organise their stuff but they don't keep up with it. I've sent them through to do a bit of tidying every night, I've banned them from having friends round while their rooms are a state. I've even emptied their rooms of everything except a few days of clean clothes ( they dropped them on the floor when they were done with them).

In all other ways they are smart, polite children who are fun to be with but they can't / won't get to grips with this messiness and at the moment I just feel like packing a bag and walking away from everything. I know it's an overreaction but I'm sick of feeling like a broken record and it's starting to feel like they just don't care enough about me to do what I ask. Help!

[mazie]

They leave home anne, give you grandkids and it starts all over again !! ;o)

[bhg481]

Anneasquith - and then you're bored because there's no tidying up to do.

[whirlyhurly]

It is just a phase all kids go through, I remember my "tip of a bedroom", think back to when you were young like them. In years to come rather be remembered as a fun-mum rather than a nagging clean freak. As Quentin Crisp used to say after 4 years the dust stops accumulating !

[BuzzNitemare]

I didn't realise you knew me Anne :)

Seriously, it does help to know that others have survived this. I just hope they don't take after my sister. I helped her clean her kitchen last year and thought it odd that the side of her cupboard seemed to be made out of chipboard. I decided to give it a wipe anyway and discovered it was was a white surface with a lot of dirt on it - yuk.

So basics advice - leave them to it, ignore it and stop nagging or enforce it and stick to enforcing it for months?

What combination of drugs and alcohol do you recommend I take to help me cope with the next ten years?

[mazie]

LOL Buzz, don't worry you'll become immune. But a nice bottle of Red always helps :o) xx

[JeniPeni]

You are not alone! I had the same with my son - but he just wasn't interested in tidying his room; he didn't care about the squalor he lived in or his schoolbag. But its when the attitude starts that I couldn't cope with - so I went to parenting classes. When the women started speaking about situations, I actually asked her if she had been a fly on our wall that very morning! Don't fret - yes its extremely annoying, but try to not let it bother you that much, theres a lot worse things they could be doing other than having a messy room.

[belrec]

My two are a bit younger than yours buzz so i guess i have that to look forward to. However, I will say this maybe a boy or two on the scene may smarten them.

I remember a friend of mine at school being the same she was always in dirty clothes etc and then a boy caught her eye and it was a completely different story :-).

although this opens up a new can of worms, at least their bedrooms may be cleaner xxx

chin up

[sherrardk]

Personally, I would pick my battles carefully. Most of my children put their dirty clothes in the washing basket but I just check their rooms after they have put their pyjamas on. If their rooms are a mess, that's their problem (although they never get too bad). Stop sweating the small stuff, a couple of years time they will have moved out and you will miss the mess.

[anneasquith]

this is the way I look at it now,,,,,,,,,,,,you will get the grey hairs and anxiety issues, the little darlings wont.. coffee/tea am. wine pm. as required. enjoy :)

[BuzzNitemare]

Unfortunately I can't blame my grey hairs on the children. I was dying my hair to cover the grey by my mid teens. At least I can take comfort in the fact that my dark haired daughter will probably have the same thing happen to her :)

[rockyracoon]

" At least I can take comfort in the fact that my dark haired daughter will probably have the same thing happen to her :) "

That's the spirit :)

[albaqwerty]

oh, Buzz, I love that comment of yours re her hair!

You're a truly loving mum!

I reckon my sons turned into nice, considerate gentlemen just to spite me :-D

[zebo]

Look forward to hearing them berate their own children on the same subject and don't be afraid to laugh when they do!
I once took the door off my daughter's room until she started to be slightly civilised re tidiness. Complaints of "lack of privissy" (hate the American pronunciation), but it worked fairly quickly.

[rockyracoon]

I've heard of that approach Zebo, I'll have to remember it incase the young racoons get any worse.

[BuzzNitemare]

Removing the door, hmmm , interesting. I was actually thinking of sealing their doors closed and just having that part of the house condemned!

[fairycakes69]

Just let them live in the mess, close the door and let them get on with it. Once they get boyfriends they will start bothering about how they look, only knew when 2 of my lads had girlfriends when they started showering every day and brushing their teeth. Amazing what teenage love can do. Though the ' aroma' from 3 teen boys sharing a room is enough to knock you out. Lol
One of them is now battling with a 7 year old on tidying her room, oh I love karma.

[ummmm]

I don't go in my kids rooms. If I need to wake them in the mornings I just knock on their door.

They are also responsible for their own washing. I also have a tumble dryer rule...they are not allowed to use it. If they can't be bothered to put their clothes in the machine and then hang them out then I'm not paying to dry them. My youngest has often gone out with wet clothes. His problem for being lazy (they don't have chores so they have no excuse)

[BuzzNitemare]

Thanks for the answers everybody.

After discussion with the husband we have decided to let them try living in their own mess for a while. I've told them they need to keep their doors shut so I don't have to see the mess and that anything they leave lying around outside of their bedrooms will be considered a donation to the charity shop.

I can't say I'm totally happy with the idea of two rooms in my house being in squalor but I'm obviously fighting a losing battle at the moment and there's no point working myself into a frenzy when they really don't give me any other trouble.

[lcg]

throw all their stuff out the back window into the garden when it is raining.....electronics and all. then tell them until they take it in piece by piece and put it where it is suppose to be you will throw it back out the window. my son got the point when his clothes started going and tidied up and has continued that way since.....put your foot down and act like the adult. confiscate their phones/tv's/computers.....or better still, cut the plugs off.steal the chargers. then tell them they can have them back when they tidy up. decide which approach you wish to use. but they are kids....you pay the bills. do not let them forget that!