ChatterBank53 mins ago
Vasectomy Advice
15 Answers
recently, me and my husband discussed having more children, and decided probably not to. Unbeknownst to me he booked a vasectomy.
when he told me i realised i really didn't want him to - the thought that this is an irreversible decision feels very scary to me - i probably don't want any more children, but i don't wan tthe choice taken away.
he won't change his mind, and i feel so upset and sad about it, i don't know what to do! Help!
when he told me i realised i really didn't want him to - the thought that this is an irreversible decision feels very scary to me - i probably don't want any more children, but i don't wan tthe choice taken away.
he won't change his mind, and i feel so upset and sad about it, i don't know what to do! Help!
Answers
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The key word here is 'probably'. You are unsure, yet your husband would appear adamant, given the decision he made. You can get all the advice and opinion in the world on here but ultimately it is something that the two of you must sit down and talk about. You've got to come to a definitive decision between you, no half measures.
If you don't want the choice taken away then you must stick with whatever contraception method you currently use, but it appears your husband has already made his choice.
Best of luck.
If you don't want the choice taken away then you must stick with whatever contraception method you currently use, but it appears your husband has already made his choice.
Best of luck.
i have told him over and over how i feel. it's not like i even want more kids, or would think of splitting to be with someone who does, i just don't want him to do it! I am early 40's and pretty soon nature will decide for me, and i'm ok with that, just not the actively doing something about it.
he says it's his body, and he's right, but i still feel very very upset
he says it's his body, and he's right, but i still feel very very upset
No offence but given your age it isn't something to consider IMHO. You would automatically have the amnio test(added stress) and the body is not meant to produce after that age for a reason. You've got to accept that your time has been and(probably) gone. I wouldn't want all that parenthood entails in my early/mid forties, but each to their own.
By his decision alone I feel your husband is trying to tell you as nicely as possible that it isn't an idea he would entertain.
By his decision alone I feel your husband is trying to tell you as nicely as possible that it isn't an idea he would entertain.
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From another link:
Risks to your baby
About one-third of all pregnancies in women ages 40 to 44 end in miscarriage. There are several reasons: The eggs may be defective to start with, the uterine lining may not be thick enough, or the blood supply to the uterus may not be rich enough to sustain a pregnancy. The risks of placenta previa (in which the placenta lies low in the uterus, partly or completely blocking the cervical opening and creating a high risk of hemorrhage) and placental abruption (in which all or part of the placenta separates from the uterine wall) are also increased. Babies born to women in their 40s are also more likely to have lower birth weights (under 5 1/2 pounds).
Risks of chromosomal birth defects rise steadily with each year into your 40s. If you give birth at age 40, your baby has a 1 in 106 chance of being born with Down syndrome and a 1 in 66 chance of being born with any chromosomal abnormality. But by age 44, those risks rise to 1 in 38 and 1 in 26, respectively.
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It is not a decision to be taken lightly, but then you already know that.
Hope you get it sorted between you.
From another link:
Risks to your baby
About one-third of all pregnancies in women ages 40 to 44 end in miscarriage. There are several reasons: The eggs may be defective to start with, the uterine lining may not be thick enough, or the blood supply to the uterus may not be rich enough to sustain a pregnancy. The risks of placenta previa (in which the placenta lies low in the uterus, partly or completely blocking the cervical opening and creating a high risk of hemorrhage) and placental abruption (in which all or part of the placenta separates from the uterine wall) are also increased. Babies born to women in their 40s are also more likely to have lower birth weights (under 5 1/2 pounds).
Risks of chromosomal birth defects rise steadily with each year into your 40s. If you give birth at age 40, your baby has a 1 in 106 chance of being born with Down syndrome and a 1 in 66 chance of being born with any chromosomal abnormality. But by age 44, those risks rise to 1 in 38 and 1 in 26, respectively.
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It is not a decision to be taken lightly, but then you already know that.
Hope you get it sorted between you.
I don't understand why you are so upset that your husband has taken a responsible decision to have a vasectomy. Also why in your 40's would you want to start having babies again. Contraception for some women becomes a problem as time goes on and then they start the hit or miss menopause. My husband (now ex) had a vasectomy when he was 28 years old and we already had two children. Sex became more enjoyable on both sides because there was no risk of pregnancy. Now we are split I am grateful that he was responsible enough in his decision that there will now be no half brothers or sisters for my children due to the emotional aspects of this.
Do you think it is the thought that if he goes ahead with it you definately cannot have any more children - at the moment you can comfort yourself with the knowledge that you could if you wanted to. I don't want any more children, and I am far too old, but I would be pretty hacked off if himself went and booked a vasectomy behind my back.
Also, multiple births increase after 35 (says the person who had twins at 39).
Also, multiple births increase after 35 (says the person who had twins at 39).
This is probably less about him or more children and more about you coming to terms with life moving on. On to the "beyond child bearing" stage and that's affected you emotionally more than you realised it would.
You know he's doing the right thing but you are both having to deal with your unexpected reaction to the finite decision. Give yourself time and permission to feel a bit sad, but let him go and do the sensible thing. It'll all be fine, you will feel better once you're over it.
You know he's doing the right thing but you are both having to deal with your unexpected reaction to the finite decision. Give yourself time and permission to feel a bit sad, but let him go and do the sensible thing. It'll all be fine, you will feel better once you're over it.
Do you not need to give your permission for him to have one?
My husband had one when we were both 23. Young I know but with a 4 year old, 2 year old twins and another set of twins on the way, they didn't question why. But I did have to go with him to his first appointment to sign to say I agreed. I did feel a bit sad that we would have no more children, it's only natural, but soon got over that. It was 22 years ago so rules might gave changed.
My husband had one when we were both 23. Young I know but with a 4 year old, 2 year old twins and another set of twins on the way, they didn't question why. But I did have to go with him to his first appointment to sign to say I agreed. I did feel a bit sad that we would have no more children, it's only natural, but soon got over that. It was 22 years ago so rules might gave changed.
It is his body he's right but he's part of a couple and things about reproduction ought to involve a joint decision then imho.
With regards to age, my mother had two sets of perfectly healthy twins in her 40's and it's getting more and more common for early / mid 40's women to have babies, although as chill pointed out there are increased risks of some health issues, but that is not what this is about, it's about one person of a couple making n nearly unalterable decision which will permanently affect them both. You need to talk and lot a a couple and you need to decide if this is a deal breaker for you.
With regards to age, my mother had two sets of perfectly healthy twins in her 40's and it's getting more and more common for early / mid 40's women to have babies, although as chill pointed out there are increased risks of some health issues, but that is not what this is about, it's about one person of a couple making n nearly unalterable decision which will permanently affect them both. You need to talk and lot a a couple and you need to decide if this is a deal breaker for you.
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