Sporting Problem Page

[Dear-Doris]

As the premier online Agony Aunt, I do get quite a few problems sent in by members of the sporting fraternity. I have anonymised a few recent ones :

Luis of Barcelona asks “Dear Doris – I have a compulsion to have a little nibble every now and then – what could be the reason?”

Doris replies “Have you checked on ancestry.com – your bloodline could be contaminated with genes from Norman 'bites-yer-legs' Hunter.

Wayne of Wilmlsow writes (in rather scrawly block capitals) “Dear Doris – I have been approached by the British Potato Marketing Board to front their new campaign – should I agree?”

Doris says “Even with the implants you're still a spud – you may as well make a few bob”

Jose of SW6 emails “Infamy Infamy, they've all got it Infamy”

Doris says “Yes dear, that's the penalty you have to pay”

KP of FigJam asks “I am obviously the best cricketer in the world – why am I not in the England side?”

Doris's lawyers say “Because you're an arrogant ******* ****”

Andy of Auchtermuchty whines “I am confused, Doris. Am I a Brit or a Jock?”

Doris ripostes “It depends, Jimmy – if you win you're one of us, otherwise you are a sweaty through and through”



Remember - "A Problem Shared is a Problem that Two People Have"

Doris xxx

[mazie]

:o)

[cupid04]

Dear Doris,

Neither me or the OH participate in armchair sports. Do we need help?

[Psybbo]

Luis better check with Boxy

[ummmm]

Why are you allowed two accounts?

[Dear-Doris]

Dear Eros

A little light horizontal jogging is probably enough at your age

Doris xx

[Psybbo]

Ummmm, you know the alter ego?

[ummmm]

No

[-Talbot-]

Hi, Doris.
When I go skiing in Saint Moritz, Switzerland British people burst into uncontrollable laughter when I introduce myself..................why is this.



Fanny Chmelar

[anneasquith]

I can vouch that fanny is always on the piste !!

[Dear-Doris]

Dear Mr Weller

Regarding your question about Swiss Crumpet -

I think you probably have Jam on it

Doris xx

[gness]

Oh, Doris! Your timing is perfect.....just when we could do with a bit of lighthearted fun......in the sporting sense you understand.....

Unless of course you are single, of good character and like table tennis.....in which case..............☺

[Dear-Doris]

Dear Mrs Kettering

Are you suggesting that the pimples may be "on the other side of my bat" - I'm not sure whether to be shocked or pleased ...

Doris xx

[gness]

Ooooo...ping-pong, Doris! I like your wit........☺

[cupid04]

Dear Doris,
I can't speak...because I am breathless ;-) xx

[Dear-Doris]

Big Breaths, Big Breaths, cupid ...

Doris xx

[gness]

Big Breaths?.....You should see her nothe........ ;-)

[DTCwordfan]

It helps not to swallow it all at once, cupid......