What Do We Do.? Mother In Law Admitted To Hospital And Then Onto A

[lilacben]

Care Home..She has Alzheimers and was taken hospitall lost week as she hadnt eaten more anything or drunk other than a sip for two weeks..He doctor treated her for chest infection ...but that had gone.
To cut a long story short my brother in law was her carer as he had been living back with her since his second marriage breakup.. For the past year it has got harder for him to care for her and we have tried to admit to SS he couldnt cope but kept backing out.
Anyway my husband has the Court of Proctection for her money and finances this last year. Since he took over we have been paying half of the house expenses and food bill. Plus whatever she needed personally. Each Month.As we have to account for all her outgoings.
Now she is in hospital then going on to a care home we have told brother in law that from last sunday we cannot give him half of the bills anymore. But will still pay her House Insurance as it is her home....BIL doesnt like this and says he should still have the money for a month or however long she is in hospital.?
Are we being mean??? As it is not ours or his money but their mothers.? And have to account for every penny to the Court.?
Has anyone been in the same situation? Or can help me please.?

[woofgang]

Its not a question of being mean or not but what is right and what your mother in law would want done with her money. You say "we are paying" but then say its your mother's money so while you are passing the money over its not actually you who are paying as you are drawing it from your mother's money? You may have "views" about your brother in law but forgive me, would your MIL's views differ?

Who owns the house? Has your brother got a job or any other income? Are you saying that your mother will never be going home again? Is the care home placement permanent? Has your mother made a will? Will her estate, excluding the house cover her care home fees for as long as she is likely to be there? Is is definite that she will be going into care from the hospital? Forgive me again but is it thought definite that she will survive that long?

I don't think that there is one answer to what would be reasonable in theses circs which is why i have asked so many impertinent questions.

[dzug2]

The law says you must use MiL's money in her best interest - which is not necessarily the same as she would want done with it.

It's a difficult question answer particularly if BiL has his own agenda.

Will the CoP give any (free) advice? - or you may need to pay a solicitor to protect yourselves.

[DTCwordfan]

Is your brother in law working or is he classified as a carer?

[lilacben]

Ok thankyou all for your replies.
woofgang... I will answer your questions...Yes it is mothers money my husband is in charge of. so yes it is her paying it out.
Mother owns the house and is hers. In her Will it is to be shared between the Three, Brother..sister and my husband when she passes away.
He had always work up until last year. Then gave up for carer..but while his mother was at day care he started working part time. He has now applied for his full time job back.
The doctor and Consultant told us she will need to go into a full time care home now..as her Alzhiemers is advance stage now and brother cannot cope with her anymore at home.
They are assessing her whilst there and then will be moved...
We did wonder last week if this was the end and the doctor almost said so...but thankfully a high dose of antibiotics seem to be working..

[lilacben]

dzug2.....Yes you are correct....we have to follow the guideline.. but will contact someone on monday if we can. We have to supply the Court with all the in comings and outgoings to the penny they say. So this was why I was asking as I dont think they would like mothers money to pay for her sons household bills. as he is now using gas,elec ect for him now and not both of them.
To be honest until my husband took over his mothers money last year his brother had closed his account and put it into her account,,,thus using all the money that was hers as his... the money being her pension and attendence allowence.! We are not sure how long that had been going on for.

[woofgang]

difficult, as its not what they would like but what your Mil would like. I agree that its not reasonable to pay for what he and he alone is using.....If your Mil does go into care, will the house need to be sold to cover her fees?

[lilacben]

Because my brother in law is over 60 they will not make him move out to sell it.
They will take the money away from mother when in a home to go towards the costs..and of course the Attendance allowance will stop.

[woofgang]

In that case, he can't even argue that its the first step to homelessness. You need formal advice but i think you should stop paying....

[ubasses]

Attendance allowance will continue if she goes into a home, but any carers allowance he is claiming will stop.

[woofgang]

it ill continue ubasses but the home will get it, not the erstwhile carer

[ubasses]

Yes it will go to the home, but it will not stop being paid.

[lilacben]

Oh I didnt know the AA gets paid still and goes to the care home...thats ok then and I suppose they will take mothers pension towards the costs as well.. I have told brother in law he will have to look into getting somewhere smaller if he cannot afford to live there any more.... but it didnt go down very well... He seems to think this our fault??.... well prehaps he will now find out what living in the real world is like again..he has had it easy living at home rent free and just paying towards food for the past 13 years or so.. its only been since august last year he has had to pay a share in the bills. But even then, as I said before, he has been using his mothers money to pay it all for I dont know how long. x

[bednobs]

if they are going to put a charge on the house, they won't take her pension too will they??

[ubasses]

Yes they will take her pension as well, she will be allowed to keep just over £20 per week for personal items. Make sure she is claiming the higher level of Attendance allowance if not doing so already, she will definitely qualify once in a Care Home.

[bednobs]

the council will need to be paid back out of her assets (the house) at a later date though, won't they? pension and AA is very unlikely to cover the entire cost of a care home and although you say they will not make the brother move out, when she dies, they will be paid back out of the house sale i would have thought