Trapped & Nowhere To Go

[chrissa1]

A lady I have got to know whilst walking my dog seems to be in a terrible situation.

Her husband who she has described as not a very nice man to begin with, suffered a stroke seven years ago which has left him in a wheelchair and unable to look after himself at all. He has lost most of the ability to speak but not the ability to swear and curse her when things don't go his way.

He refuses point blank to go into a Respite Home to give her a break and basically just wants to die. They have a son who is 16 and she is trying to get him into some sort of Engineering College.

When she gives him as good as she is getting verbally, and says she will leave him, all he says is, "Halves, Halves." I take it that he means that they would have to sell their home to pay for his care and she would have nothing.

His family want nothing to do with him and so it's just her who is trapped looking after him with no social life to speak of.

Any advice out there as to what she should do?

[PankySmooch]

She should take it a step further and talk to a solicitor and then see what he has to say about it, seems like a bully to me.

[chrissa1]

Good idea, PS but a solicitor can't force him to let her have a break from this bully.

[PankySmooch]

Sell the house and give him half and be done with him

[ladybirder]

Is she a pensioner Chrissa? If she is I believe the home cannot be sold to pay for his care as that would make her homeless.

[venator]

if you don't turn a bedridden patient, they get pneumonia and pass away peacefully, or so i am told.

Or else, throw a Brompton cocktail party

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brompton_cocktail

Doubles all rond, as they say in Private Eye!!

[ladybirder]

Proof that what I said @23.04 is correct Chrissa.
http://www.ghplegal.com/ghp-insights/2013/06/qa-could-i-be-forced-to-sell-our-home-to-pay-my-husbands-care-fees/

[Maydup]

I suggest she go to her GP with stress and depression caused by herinability to cope with her husbands care and have him referred to adult social services.

Or go direct to them and get him a place where he can be cared for.

https://www.gov.uk/apply-needs-assessment-social-services

[Old_Geezer]

I'd concur that contacting the social service saying she is finding it impossible to cope, would be a good first step. The issue is getting help in order to get a decent quality of life, not necessarily splitting up: although that may be a solution eventually.

[chrissa1]

Thanks for all your thoughts.

No. She isn't a pensioner. I would says she's about 50ish.

@ Maydup. He categorically refuses to be put into a Home. I agree, she should go to her GP and ask for help for herself.

I don't know anything about their finances, but their house must be worth over £200K. Maybe it is in His name so she couldn't sell it.

[ummmm]

She should get in touch with social services.

[chikispirit]

Has she spoken to her doctor, chrissa1, social services, AgeUK?

[RATTER15]

//Maybe it is in His name so she couldn't sell it.// As far as I'm aware that makes no difference if she divorces him and she will get half the value of the house, he will have to sell it to pay her. I may be wrong but I dont think so.

[mallyh]

poor woman it's a shame one of his family won't take him for a few days to give her a break x

[chrissa1]

That's sound advice, Ratter. The next time I see her to chat, I'll tell her. Also about going to Social Services and her doctor.

[chrissa1]

He has a daughter from a previous marriage but she lives in the U.S. and doesn't want anything to do with him. Other less close family, feel the same.

[lcg]

the next time they go out she should leave him outside to fend for himself and lock the door. then call social services to come and pick him up! i would.....or take him to the ss building myself!!!!