Complexed Situation, Advice Needed.

[sacha.86]

Hiya, my seven year old son recently told me of indecent acts going on in front of him displayed by his Dad and his Dad's partner. Since then I have told his Dad he can only see him on public from now on. Since I changed the arrangements of access he hasn't seen him for months. He recently arranged to take him out to the cinema to which I agreed. I have found out this evening that it won't just be the two of them and that his partner will be joining them. Now I don't feel or think he will be completely safe. If I now tell his Dad he can't go, they are going to pull the jealous-x card on me. I haven't confronted his Dad about what I was told, he will deny it and potentially become quite aggressive. I've also promised my son I won't tell his father about what he disclosed to me, as I don't want his Dad becoming aggressive towards him. I think he suspects that I know and has done this on purpose to find out if I know or not, but I'm not 100%. Either way the cinema isn't the right place for them to meet amd I don't know how to cancel with out a massive hoohar. Any advice?

[ummmm]

So your ex accepted that he wasn't allowed to see your son unless in public but there might be a backlash if you actually question him about what happened?

[EDDIE51]

No point lying, if this goes to a family court you will have to explain why you changed the access arrangement.

[sacha.86]

I've tried getting help, through mediation courts, social services. I've got to stand on my own at the moment

[Sammy48]

So when you said to him, for your Son's safety to see him in public, did he not think this strange, or has there been safety issues in the past ?

I am not getting this.

[sacha.86]

It would be better for me if he took me to court but he can't afford it

[Sammy48]

So no Courts involved in access, its just a verbal arrangement between you both.

[sacha.86]

There's been safety issues in the past. He used to see him in public. Then I started letting him take him on his own, he's been pushing for over nights but my son hadn't seemed settled and came home with a black ear. So I've not let that happen

[sacha.86]

Yep, I've suggested mediation which is free. The document can then be legally bound for just a couple of hundred quid if they are taken to a solicitors but he won't agree to it

[EDDIE51]

Yes there is more to this than we are being told. Sacha if you want more help you are going to have to explain the whole story.
If you can't agree to access arrangements between the 2 of you will have to ask the family court to make them for you.

[ummmm]

Did your son say how he got a black ear?

[Sammy48]

Good god woman, if my son came home with a black ear, that man would be nowhere near him ever again and your worried on how to tell him he can't see him.

[ummmm]

The child could have fell over!

[EDDIE51]

The family court is free and it's rulings are legally binding.
I have a lot of personal family experience with them in a very similar situation.

[sacha.86]

A) I can't confront him
B) I can't cancel
(without a hoohar)
I don't want to put my son in a position where he has to lie because he will get grilled.
I don't want to let him go
I want my son to be safe
I'm fed up of the three against one battle heads
I still want my son to be able to see his dad
His Dad won't agree to access on my terms, it got to be giving him what he wants
And I don't know how to get out of letting my son go on Saturday without it causing trouble.

Is there even a way out of this problem?

[Mamyalynne]

You go along too.

[Sammy48]

If the lad had just fallen over, why is Sacha mentioning it in the context of something more sinister.

[sacha.86]

His Dad got out of prison two years ago, he's on steroids so is very unpredictable and can become very aggressive. His idea of play is ruffing him up with a baseball bat (what he tells his son is a stock for beating women). I'm on my and regularly getting threatening abuse

[EDDIE51]

If thought necessary the family court will only allow the father supervised access at a children's center. This happened with my grandchild. The father had been accused of a sexual offence.

[Sammy48]

Does your son want to see his Dad ?

[ummmm]

Well sacha needs to be clearer. What indecent acts? Has the father been violent towards the child?