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Help With My Relationship Please?

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gws1981 | 22:34 Tue 15th Dec 2015 | Family & Relationships
24 Answers
I have been with my girlfriend for over three years now. She has a three year old daughter from a previous two week long relationship to whom I am "daddy" and I love very much. I met my girlfriend when she was three months pregnant. She eventually decided to keep the baby and the father was nowhere in sight (drug and drink abuse problems). She didn't have much money so further on in her pregnancy, I decided to help out with things for the baby etc (which she never said no to) and we dated like any normal couple, dinner, cinema, shopping etc. We stayed together ( she even asked me to be there for the birth). I did the normal things like continually work, putting in extra hours to upgrade to a family size car to accommodate the little lady, baby clothes, toys, furniture etc and a year ago I bought a house we could all live in. She jumped at the chance to move in with me. I said great but if she didn't want to get a job, and be a stay at home mum, then that was fine so long as she did the housework roll (which she hardly did at her own place - i did it mostly inc the cooking). She said yeah no prob and she would do all and stick to it. She had no qualifications, with which to get a decent job, with so I tried persuading her to enroll at the local college, even going as far as ordering her a prospectus and looking through it with her but she dragged her heels and it was forgot about eventually for another year. I spoil her and my step daughter all the time, especially at holidays like Christmas. I do things like breakfast in bed, trips out, toys and presents, flowers and chocolates, look after the little one so she can go out with friends etc. But I never seem to get anything in return from her. I work a full week plus overtime usually and still help with housework on top. I cook every night for all of us or pay for takeaways. Our sex life is virtually non existent. There have been arguments for a while regarding the fact that she never seems to do anything for me in return. She says she can't afford to buy me anything as she has limited money coming in, which i understand completely. I've said surely there's something she can think of that she can do that would be nice/thoughtful for me and be cheap or free.... but her answer is always the same - that she does the housework for me or cannot think of anything. I finally got her to go back to college which she does twice a week for four hours. She agreed that her role in the relationship would be housework and mine the provider - for want of calling both rolls something better lol but ... since the start she has been dragging her heels with the housework and her excuses are always the same - that she forgot or didn't have enough time. She usually gets up about 9 - 10am after my beautiful little girl has woken her up. She stays in her pajamas till about 11am and then never seems to have enough time to do everything she needed to. I do not mind helping with anything at all or making her life easier eg. she would leave the washing till it piled up and complained that she could never find time to get it dry. So I bought a dryer. Now it just sits in bags or wet in the washing machine. In the past there have also been lies. In the first year of our being together she told several lies. The reason she gave was she "didn't want to lose me" - which is fair enough. But I think she should do something to show she is sorry and that she regrets what she lied about. She did take me to the cinema but I told her I didn't think that it was a very heartfelt way of apologizing etc. anyway two years later and still she has done nothing about it and it is still eating away at me. She constantly says she'll do something about it...but doesn't. She constantly says she will do things and then claims she forgot. She then complains at me and accuses me of emotional abuse when I shout because I am angry and feel let down and used yet again.
Opinions on any part please anyone?
Thank you in advance.


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Oh for goodness sake why does half my post not go on?

I hate cleaning with a vengeance and avoid it at all costs. To such an extent that we don't have people round much. She was like it before you moved in so there was an indication that she was not a good housekeeper.

How pregnant was she when you met? And did she try to pass off the pregnancy as yours?

Her accusation that you are emotionally abusive is ((unless you actually are adusive)) just deflection. She knows you will stop and think you are to blame so uses it to her advantage.

Personally from my own experience I don't think she will change but whatever happens if you decide to leave I would look at financial responsibility.

I am no legal eagle but I have heard a lot about non biological father figures being financially responsible for a partners child simply because they have acted as the father.
I suggest you to let it go.
You both need counseling. I suggest couples counseling. And have a big boy grown up talk with her. Let her know what you expect and stop giving her everything. Shes acting like an immature child. You are freely giving her everything she wants so she has no reason to step up and be an adult. You are basically her parent not her husband and she is behaving like a lazy teen being raised by her daddy. She needs to grow up and step up to adult responsibilities instead of spending all day on a computer or watching TV or whatever.
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