Family Problem

[catswhiskas]

Five years ago, my SIL and her husband fell out with her youngest brother over money discrepancies, my husband and I do not know the full story.Over these last five years, we have been in contact with the brother and have tried to help , last year he came to us for New year , he said how much he disliked his sister and her husband, he is also estranged from his wife.
This Xmas eve he was found dead, suddenly , suffered from sleep apnea and COPD.
His estranged wife is arranging funeral etc and is being very helpful considering.
My husbands sister wants his ashes to go in beside the Mothers grave, and also wants to have a 'Do' after the cremation, his wife will not be welcome, my husband has finally blown his top with them, and asks her why they are even wanting to go to the funeral, I belivehe is in the right they are so hypocritical it is unbelievable, what do ABers think.

[bednobs]

maybe they are sorry they never had a chance to make it up before he died nd going to the funeral will respect the fct they are brother and sister, despite the ft they were rowing when he died?

[Mamyalynne]

Your husband is right to ask her 'why now?' - guilt maybe.

Re a do after the cremation , it is up to who organises that as to who is welcomed or not, you have no need to attend if you think there will be friction.

Ashes with his Mum sounds right to me.


Condolences to all family.

[ummmm]

A fall out doesn't mean you stop loving someone.

[catswhiskas]

If he had been walking past them , they would have ignored him , the estranged wife did not want a do, Yes perhaps the sister cares , but they are taking over, or trying too.
We live 160 miles away, the wife , in the next village, she was ringing us , then we had to ring SIL to tell what was happening, ridiculous, first husband said he was not going to funeral, but now we are, its going to be very difficult for all.

[tamborine]

Ashes are only given to whom pays for the funeral, to disperse or not. Wakes can be together or separate. If wife prefers funeral without certain mourners, she can rearrange it in secret at a different venue & keep it unbeknown to dissenters.