Why....

[I_Tried]

Please can someone enlighten me someone wants to indulge in infidelity. Yes I understand there are many reasons but why stay in that relationship just get out of it and do it. I would have thought thats the most natural way of doing things but more and more people seem to be doing the infidelity thing as though its a fad. can people not face upto responsibilty anymore. Views on this would be greatly appreciated.

I tried to work out why but couldn't

[netibiza]

Agree completely with you.  If they don't like their partners, move on, don't cheat.

[boobesque]

my best mate hasnt been single for 10 years, she overlaps her relationships by a couple of months, she says she doesnt want to be alone, so when she goes off the current bloke she stays with until she gets to know someone else.

She has been in a relationship for 4 years and is wanting to get out, she has cheated on him 5 times, something i dont understand, i couldnt ever understand cheating, both me and my partner would be devastated if either cheated on the other, its just something we wouldnt do.

[Octavius]

Infidelity is a voluntary failure to comply with a tacit or explicit sexual (or, less commonly, emotional) mores, such as commitment to monogamy.  It's freedom of choice, so if people decide they want to take that path, why should you tell them they are wrong?

Whilst I agree with you in principle, it's horses for courses and the people doing it are inevitably hurting someone who perhaps loves them (or is doing the same to them!).  Different couples - and even different individuals - may have different ideas of what constitutes infidelity and where the line is drawn, but that is up to them, why get involved?  Three's a party!

[WaldoMcFroog]

I'm no advocate of infidelity for myself, but I think you can recognise scenarios where your reasoning doesn't apply. The main one is simply that sex is not the same as love. Person X is in a relationship with person Y, but has the opportunity to have sex with person Z. X does not wish to end the relationship with Y, and does not want a relationship with Z.

I choose not to split the two (sex and love), but other people can and do. There's at least one contributor to AB who has an open relationship with her boyfriend and has talked about it on this forum.

As for whether infidelity is a fad, I think you have a very charitably view of history!

[andy hughes]

There is no simple response to the question - answers vary as much as individuals.

There is a wonderful line in 'Eileen' by Dexys Midnight Runners - "... at this moment, you mean everything ..."

and that is esseintially the human condition of relartionships summed up in six words.

People enter commitments fully intending to keep them, but circumstances change, and no-one can ever say with any certainty, that if the condiitions prevailed, they would not 'stray / betray ' or what ever term you like to use.

I do not think it is a 'fad', I believe it to be a flaw of individuals but it is far too complex to simply dismiss as weakness, curiosity, or idleness - in most cases, reasons are a lot deeper than that.  

[Englishbird]

I agree that it's not a fad, maybe it's just more openly talked about now, and sadly more acceptable as are many things.

Sorry octavius but i don't agree with the 'why should you tell them they are wrong' point, If you apply that to everything there would be no social structure what so ever.  Would you apply that to a theif?

There are many reasons, as the others have said - and without being sexist, these reasons can be very different to men and women.

It is something I have never done and hope I never do.  But it does take a lot of courage to leave someone, especially if you've been with them a long time.  I can only hope i'm strong enough to realise when a relationship or marriage is over before I compromise my beliefs in that way.  Not everyone is.

Maybe everyone should remember how soul destroying it is for the other person before going down that road.

[lkn2cln]

The need to feel wanted and the more you have the better you feel.   The thought of getting away with something. Maybe like you said,everyone treats it like a fad so it's almost expected to be done.Maybe you can agree or not.I do agree with you.If you just get out of the relationship than you can do whatever you want with whoever you want.Besides who has time for all that drama,not this mama!!