School Trouble

[beverleymot]

Hi all, need some advice- my son is in year 6 and has always been very popular at school. He's had a soft spot for a girl for four years and this girl is now being singled out by the other kids. He has stuck up for her in numerous occasions but has admitted he's getting as fed up as everyone else with her moaning about the girls that are picking on her. Now that he's been sticking up for her a few other kids have fell out with him too. He doesn't want to lose friends, but feels the initial reason that they fell out with this girl was wrong.

My son leaves for secondary school in July, and I would hate for him to part on bad terms with some of his friends, plus he has his exams coming up in 3weeks. He's a bright and smart kid and I'd hate for him to be distracted over this.

I have told him that maybe despite his efforts he may be best to stay out of it from now on and sort things out with the other kids- after all it's not really his battle, but he just wants everyone to get along again and I know it will continue to bother him until everyone is friends again.

Have I given him the right advice? Should I maybe make the school aware what's going on so they can sort things out? Or should he stick to his guns and lose friends over what he feels is right?

Just to add, the children who have fell out with him won't be going to secondary school with him (except one of the girls), and neither will the girl involved. However the guys who are going to his secondary school are all still friends with him (so it's not all doom n gloom!)

Thanks for any help

[MallyJ]

I think you are fine with what you have said but I do also feel that a word with the teacher so that she/ he understands the situation and can address it. Hopefully all the children will then leave primary school with out having bad memories.

[beverleymot]

Thanks, is it my place to talk to the teacher though? Would I be poking my nose in if I spoke to her? I would love for everyone to be friends before they leave, they've been such a solid class all the way through school- no arguing, no bullying etc.. So I'm really shocked that they're all falling out.

[MallyJ]

I think I would also have a word with his teacher .... the girl is obviously unhappy and some of the others seem to be bullying her so it would be good for the school to address the issue. It would be nice if all the children will be able to look back on their primary school days with fondness when they are older.

[beverleymot]

Thanks for your help mallyj

[Peter Pedant]

have a word with the teacher ( who presumably is gonna think - if I keep a lid on this for 12 weeks then all my problems are then someone else's )

and a have a word with him
as a skill for life -
what it means to support someone in trouble

after all we have all been in trouble and a lot of people have walked on by.

[jourdain2]

Most certainly it is your place to talk to the teacher, have no doubt about that, please. It is good that he will be going away from the situation. I'll be surprised if the school is totally unaware of what is going on.

Kids get very snarled up. It is good to explain that right now it is up to him to concentrate on his work, as it is for the others. Perhaps you could mention that the others will sort it out for themselves and he doesn't need to be involved in the process. I'm a grandma and am going through this for the 2nd time!

[jourdain2]

^^^ Should have added that you need to make your concerns for the girl known as well and explain to your son that you do not desert friends, but sometimes he has to look after himself.

[beverleymot]

Thanks guys

[Old_Geezer]

Sometimes one has to decide whether to do the right thing or the popular thing. Whatever is decided on has consequences. True friends do not cause rifts because of a difference of opinion. Plus one tends to make different friends at secondary school. I'm unsurprised that the girl is always moaning as she is always being picked on. IMO your son should do what he feels is correct for him. Be true to his own feelings. Schooldays are not forever whatever he chooses but looking back and feeling one has acted in accordance with who one is must help with self confidence and pride in oneself.

[beverleymot]

Thanks oldgeezer totally agree. I feel he's sticking up for her because he believes it's the right thing to do, but he's also paying the price for it by losing other friends in the process. It's a difficult one for him. I think I will call the school tomorrow to make them aware of it but tell My son to not take sides and stay out of it the best he can.

[ferdous_hasan98]

It's a unique problem to my life. How can fast our world now a days can understand by read your problem. Try to advice him with your love. I think only love can solved any problem in the world. I also suggest you to teach your child Religion.

[gness]

Welcome to AB, Ferdous.....love is fine.....and this lad appears to have plenty both at home and to give....

Religion?....No.....too many problems are caused through the teaching of religion.......probably best giving that a miss.......xx

[beverleymot]

Thanks everyone, he went to school yesterday and spoke to the children in question individually to say he's not taking sides, he's friends with everyone, and the whole thing is pathetic (very proud of him)- everyone took it well and he assures me they are friends again.

Unfortunately the girl is still being singled out, but I have parents evening tomorrow and I will address it with his teacher then.

Just wanna thank everyone though for nice comments it's very much appreciated.