My Husband Abused His Brother When They Were Children (Trigger Warning)

[teenytiny]

My brother-in-law recently came to stay with us for a while he's a great guy and while my husband was at work were just casually talking but the the conversation got a little deeper and he revealed to me that when they were children my husband sexually abused him several times over the course of about six months. After that it had never happened again but it bothered him for several years until a point were he brought it up with my husband. They talked and cried about it and my husband seemed truly remorseful about it to him, and eventually my brother-in-law found peace with what my husband did, forgave him, and and now they have a good relationship where they hang out and talk with each other like brothers should. But now I feel very weird around my husband, I love him, he is my best friend and he is a good man who works hard and dreams of our future. My husband doesn't know his brother told me what happened and no matter what I do I it always seems to haunt me in the back of my mind, I think if his brother can forgive him so can I, but I feel weird and I don't know what to do. I just want things to go back to they way before because I don't want my disdain for what he did in his past to ruin our future.

[Cloverjo]

I agree with david small. Let it go. They are ok with it. The brother regrets telling you. It was a terrible thing to happen, but they've got past it.

[david small]

Get a grip mastercraft. I did not opine that it was exceptable. But that to let the matter rest in peace. Would you suggest she confronted her husband?

[mastercraft]

At the moment, this is just an allegation. You need to speak with your husband and hear what he has to say - truth or fiction? If you never discuss this with your soul mate...you don't have a marriage.

[teenytiny]

My brother-in-law has no reason to lie to me he has always been honest and upfront, and he and my husband are close. They see each other as equals so there is no jealousy between them and I honestly think he was trying to help me understand my husband better by giving me insight to the things that have troubled him since before I knew him. I can say I understand better now why the way he is the way he is and why he doesn't like to talk about the things that happened when he was young but now I see him differently. I like the idea of letting it die there at that conversation but then I have a little voice asking if that is morally the right thing to do? I'm carrying a secret I'm sure my husband never wanted me to know and still thinks I don't and I almost feel guilty just for knowing.

[Hypognosis]

@teenytiny

In modern parlance, I think the brother-in-law has "weaponised" a thing that you didn't even need to know about.

Who gains?

You've just said that you now feel guilt, for knowing, so you're now motivated to unburden yourself by telling your husband that you know his secret. How do you imagine that will make him feel? Can you put yourself *completely* in his shoes, that is not what you would want, if in his position but what *he* would want?

Note: secrecy is mostly about embarassment. That works right up to government level.

[ladyalex]

It is a secret for your husband too.....one that he hasn't shared with you.
Maybe it has been bothering him, not always perhaps, but from time to time.
Possibly he may welcome the chance to discuss it with you.

[ChillDoubt]

I concur with david small. What many of us did as teens we would possibly balk at and die of shame when we look back at our behaviour. Some succumb to sexual curiosity but thankfully these incidents are rarely repeated. Your husband quickly realised that what he did was inherently wrong and has obviously not repeated such acts elsewhere.
It's in the past now, let sleeping dogs lie.

[trt]

## Possibly he may welcome the chance to discuss it with you. ##

And possibly he may be shocked, embarrassed, and it could cause a conflict with his brother.

[bodeker]

I think that it is more common than people think, siblings experimenting sexually. It can happen and is forgotten about as you grow up, only to come to mind now and again and you feel some embarrassment at what happened and forget about it again. I personally feel it was between the two brothers and should be left there.