Really Upset Re Teen Smow : (

[Smowball]

Teen smow has gone to stay with his day for half the school holidays (dad lives 2 hrs away and he does this every year). Dad doesn't work and never has done. Claims every benefit going, has house paid for , has never paid a penny maintenance in 13 years and makes a tidy sum every week by going to auctions, buying God knows what and then doing loads of car boot sales etc. I do not like his father one bit but am always polite for my sons sake.

Ive just had a txt from my son, saying that after he's come home to get his exam results on 25th August he's almost certainly going to go back to live with his dad permanently . Not quite believing what I was reading I've replied saying Im very confused and don't understand, and that we need to talk on the phone as this isn't a txt kind of conversation. He's replied saying ok, that there is nothing wrong at home here but he just thinks it "would make more of a man of me" . ?? Those were his exact words.

Everything here is all set up for September - 6th form place ready to take A levels if he gets the right grades, and a college place lined up for a career in Plumbing as a back up plan.

I just can't stop crying - his dad is an absolute dead beat and I cannot understand why on earth he has decided to do this and basically throw everything away.

[hc4361]

Well he will have to have something in place, Smow - make sure he and his father know that.

[andy-hughes]

Answerprancer - // ... No matter how much of a "dead beat" you think his father is, a boy needs a male role model in his life at some point, it's natural ...//

Actually, that's not quite accurate - a boy needs a GOOD male role model in his life - and that appears to be the root of Smowball's concerns here.

[Olivio]

Annswerprancer knows exactly what he's talking about and I totally agree. Op, you have to cut the apron strings and stop mollycoddling the boy or young man. He's growing up and only a dad can teach him about certain things in life.

Give it a chance is all I'm saying.

[rockyracoon]

How do you know he hasn't got a male role model in his life?
I imagine lots of men grew up with single mothers and turned out just fine, probably, in equal measure, some men have been brought up in a mother/father household and have turned out to be complete wrouguns.

[hc4361]

Teen Smow has two male role models in his life - his father and his step-father.
It is unfair to accuse Smow of mollycoddling. She's a loving mother who has never objected to teen smow spending half the holidays with his dad.

The law requires this young man to be in education or training until he is 18.

[Bathsheba2]

Smow, I have to say exactly the same thing happened with me and my son. His father and I divorced when he was 12, and he hated the smaller house I had to downsize to. His Father moved away to Somerset, and my son went down there nearly every weekend and for all of the school holidays. He told me that as soon as he had finished his GCSEs he was going to live with his dad, and would do his A levels down there, By this time I was so sick of court for maintenance etc (this was before CSA_), I let him go. He went on to do well enough to get into Uni at Swansea, and now he is a great big happy muscle-bound DC in Swansea police, and has found out for himself that his father is just a functioning alcoholic :)

Take heart Smow, I shall keep you in my thoughts.

Baths
x x x

[Smowball]

I'm not mollycoddling him! I just don't want a bright boy throwing everything away. Plus the fact that I've just found out his dad has liver disease due to excessive drinking over the years. Anyway I've just spoken to him. I've just said to wait and see what his GCSE results are first and then take it from there.

[hc4361]

Hopefully when he's back home, got his results and met up with his mates he'll change his mind. Hope it all works out, Smow

[Peter Pedant]

you cant live someone's life for them ( more's the pity )

and they have to make their own decisions ( including the 'wrong' ones )
I think the important thing is that he does a levels and not where

[rockyracoon]

That seems like the best course of action for the time being, Smow.

[Islay]

My step bro did the same lasted 6 weeks and he came back, it was also during the summer hols.

Let him go, let him make his mistakes, be there when he wants help.

[Smowball]

Agree - all I can do is advise, I can't make him do anything. Just hope he gets the results he wants and decides to stay here X

[Bathsheba2]

I hope so Smow. Does he have any brothers + sisters? x x

Baths
x x

[Smowball]

All older and left home Baths - he's the youngest

[just2retro]

How does he get on with his step-father ( your OH)? maybe there is a problem there you don't know about. What do you think he's going to do living with his father? He can't get job seekers at his age -does he think he's going to make a living at car boot sales? And what about his friends?

[Bathsheba2]

aaww, just2retro suspended....that's a shame....

[murraymints]

there have been issues with teensmow for a while....he'll soon find out where his bread is buttered..grass is always greener..'till you have to eat it !!

[Smowball]

Why's retro been suspended?? Actually teen smow and hubby have been getting on much much better- he took him to get his prom suit, organised the limo for him and all his friends, been much more relaxed. Just have to hope when he comes bk for results he has a change of heart. It's too quiet without him lol

[murraymints]

I think for multiple personalities..^ suspended user

[Smowball]

Oh lol