A Dilemma- To Tell My Parents Or Not If I Need Surgery

[gordiescotland1]

I have a 1cm blockage in my pancreas discovered by chance at an MRI scan 4 weeks ago. I saw the consultant 3 weeks ago and I am still waiting for him to call me back to tell me what he wants to do about it. Last night while I was at mum and dads for tea they told me that if I have to have surgery to remove it and it is due when they are on holiday they would cancel their cruise. I told them how unhappy I was about that. But in 2001 I had to go into local psych hospital after suffering severe depression and I was in for 7 months, they had a holiday booked to Egypt for a cruise 2 months after I went in and they cancelled losing a lot of money telling me at the time it was because of fear of terrorists it was just after 9/11 so it was plausible. Years later in an argument they cast it up to me saying the real reason was because they could not go and leave me. I have a wide circle of friends in my local church who I know would help, my sister is 90 miles away but she has also offered to come and take time off work. My dads brother my aunt and uncle live 1 mile away and I know they would do what they can. I dont want to tell them if I have to have surgery and ruin their holiday but my sister says I would have to tell them and tell them there is a plan in place to help but I know they would not enjoy their cruise. I guess another alternative is if treatment is not urgent to delay it until January. My parents do a lot for me and despite our disagreements I do love them and they are getting older I want them to enjoy this cruise.

[queenofmean]

Hi Gordie

I'd tell them to go as they have missed out before but explain to them about your sister and other family and all your friends that are willing to help out until they return. It seems like many people care about you and are willing to be there at a time when you need them the most.

Encourage them to go and relax. If they have a mobile or access to email tell them you can be in touch and let them know how it all went and how things are progressing.

Good Luck
Q

[hereIam]

I wouldn't tell them gordie. Even with all the help you are going to have, you still think it would spoil their cruise, do you want to do that? I wouldn't tell my elderly parents. Good luck x

[Tilly2]

Could you arrange, with the consultant, to have your surgery when your parents are back from their cruise?

[Prudie]

I'd wait and see what date the actual consultant gives you - it may never be an issue. If it clashes with their holiday then in this instance I definitely wouldn't tell them at all, especially as you feel confident that you have the support you need without them.

[Smowball]

Agree with Prudie. Ring the consultant back and see when and if this surgery needs to be done before telling your parents anything.

[Sqad]

Tilley

\\\Could you arrange, with the consultant, to have your surgery when your parents are back from their cruise?\\

This guy has a suspicious blockage in his pancreatic duct....he is also worried about it and when the Consultant decides what is to be done (if anything), then all parties need to get on with it.

Personally gordie........I wouldn't tell them....what advantage would it have.........NONE.

[Lunol]

I don't understand. Is this about them losing money or is this about you feeling guilty? ( You shouldn't )

My take is tell the parents. If you have to go to emergency surgery then they HAVE to be by your side imo.

God forbid if anything happened to you whilst they were "Enjoying themselves on a cruise" the guilt, the questions they would ask themselves would probably kill them let alone maybe tear up the family with them asking why they were't told.

If i have kids i'd rather be there holding their hands as they go through possible life threatening surgery then on holiday so please rethink.

Oh and good luck with the outcome.

[Tilly2]

ok, Sqad. Just thought there might be a bit of flexibility considering it's three weeks since he saw the consultant. I was wrong, obviously.

[Sqad]

Tilley...;-)

Lunol....Your a bit dramatic aren't you?......" emergency surgery".."holding their hands" "Kill them with guilt"

If i needed emergency surgery all i would want would be a competent surgeon and an anesthetist...forget the kids and wife......

[andy-hughes]

I was initially going to advise that you don't tell your family, but Lunol's post has completely reversed my view.

I am in the reverse position - no parents to tell (my mother is ninety-four and senile) but I have grown children - and I think I would tell them if I was facing life-threatening surgery.

[Lunol]

Sqad i like to look at the worst case scenarios so anything less is a blessing and bonus.

"If i needed emergency surgery all i would want would be a competent surgeon and an anesthetist...forget the kids and wife...... "

Lol, typical macho male answer.

[Sqad]

A-H

FGS.......who is talking about life threatening surgery?

[Sqad]

Lunol......but i am a male and so is gordie.

[Lunol]

Andy Huges i looked at the question laterally and realised that sometimes trying to be too kind maybe the wrong answer with severe consequences.

[Tilly2]

He's been waiting three weeks.

I doubt if his life is in danger otherwise they would have whipped him in and carried out the necessary procedure.

[Lunol]

"FGS.......who is talking about life threatening surgery?"

My post clearly stated "IF you have to go to emergency surgery"

We have to be clear here that any surgery which is body invasive could go from a green light to a red in seconds with unpredicatble circumstances suddenly raising it's head.

[Lunol]

"I doubt if his life is in danger otherwise they would have whipped him in and carried out the necessary procedure."

I doubt it too and wish the op all the best, but please see answer above.

[andy-hughes]

Sqad - //A-H

FGS.......who is talking about life threatening surgery? //

You know as well as I - possibly better - that all surgery carries a risk.

A close friend of mine's wife went in for routine surgery on a knee complaint and died in theatre, leaving him with two small children.

All surgery is life-threatening, but happily, the vast majority of procedures are successful.

[Sqad]

Lunol...the "life threatening" bit was in response to A-H's post.

Of course Lunol, if one takes that attitude of life and it's consequences one would be continually on antidepressants....

[andy-hughes]

Sqad - //Of course Lunol, if one takes that attitude of life and it's consequences one would be continually on antidepressants.... //

I hardly think that a rational approach to surgery equates with a need for anti-depressant medication!