Should I Forgive My So-Called Friend For What She's Doing?

[Girl_With_Woes]

There's this girl at my school. I thought we were friends, but lately she's been trying to break up my friendships by telling all my friends total lies about me. I have no idea why--I never did anything to her! Anyway, usually I'm that person who always forgives too easily and quickly, but now I think I'm about to hold my first-ever grudge! The thing is, holding a grudge will go against my religious beliefs. Still, if I forgive this girl, she'll just keep right on attempting to break my friendships, and I really don't want her to succeed! Don't just write that my true friends will stick by my side no matter what--the powers of persuasiveness, nasty rumors, and fake evidence are not to be underestimated. So someone please tell me, what should I do? Confront this girl and ask why she's doing this, or just quietly let go and move on? In my experience, Option Two works better, because Option One might land you yourself in trouble with a teacher who thinks you're just randomly yelling at some poor, innocent person. But I can't let this girl think it's okay to bully people and snatch away their friends. Besides, I do want to know why she's doing this to me!

[Old_Geezer]

Talk to her, show her your evidence and find out why she doing this. If there is no reasonable explanation and she intends to continue then cease to be her friend and find other friends.

Forgiveness is for oneself not those who have hurt you. It doesn't imply forgetting. Moving on shouldn't conflict with your religious/moral beliefs.

You don't give your age but it's possible it'll all blow over in a week or less and you'll be buddies again. So go softly softly rather than rush into an emotional scene.

[cassa333]

I have this very same problem with my daughter. She is herself shy, careing, compassionate and thoughtful and she isn't into girly stuff like shopping and hair styles or music. So she has TBH only one good friend and three others that she says are friends but just let her tag along.

The one friend she has is often mean to her but daughter is so soft she lets her get away with it.

We talked about how this friend seems mean but in reality she is just finding seniors difficult to navigate. She is so comfortable with my daughter that she knows she can, to a degree like family, take out her frustrations with the girls she wants to be with but don't want her around on her.

I have advised her to talk to the girl when she is being mean. Even if it is just look at her and say no that's not nice. And to see how that goes. They have been getting on a bit better just now but girls of a curtain age are fickle to say the least. If your friend (or my daughters) is allowed to be mean they will get into that mindset forever. Best to nip it in the bud if you can.

Have you any other friends you can spend more time with?

[ToraToraTora]

No, she is not your friend, if you get to live to 90 and you have amassed more friends than you can count on the fingers of one hand, I mean real friends, then you would have done better than most.

[rsvp]

>
When you're a little older and wiser you'll have made proper friends and you won't have any problems like this.

[andy-hughes]

As Old_Geezer says - talk to her, and the accent is on 'talk'.

Try really hard to keep your temper and your voice at conversational level.

Your friend may well shout - people who feel defensive often shout as a protection mechanism, but don't be drawn into shouting back, or you will get nowhere.

Good luck with this.

[Peter Pedant]

3T is nowhere near 90
but otherwise his answer is OK
and applied to people of older generations as well !

[ToraToraTora]

quite right PP, I am nowhere near 90 nor am I anywhere near having more friends than I can count on the figures of one hand.