Dautghers Left Home

[Matt123456789]

Hi all , just wandering what's the right thing to do. I have 2 daughters who are 18 and 17. My eldest all ready moved out but comes back occasionally and my youngest who has said to mom that she's moving out too but wants to come back weekends. She has now been gone only a week and her mom wants to get rid of there bedroom.last night I said to the mom no don't gut the bedrooms out they might be back soon but has started it while I was out. Do you think this is right is this fair?

[Zacs-Master]

I think there's a back story to this which you're not telling us.

[Tilly2]

It's always good to have a guest room, in case someone needs a bed.

[Cloverjo]

Do you need the rooms for something else?

I can only say from my point of view. My parents kept my room as it was until I had "properly" gone. Similarly, I have kept my son's room as it was, and he's 25 now living 100 miles away.

[fiction-factory]

It seems to me she is hurt and upset they have chosen to leave like this and is doing out of anger or to show her annoyance either with herself or to her daughters. She may regret it but for now if it helps her deal with things there's probably not much more you can do - you have tried

[grasscarp]

One of my daughters came back to live at home for a while. In what was her bedroom there are still some books. CDs etc. I would never make her take them. I don't understand the rush you are telling us is happening at your house.

[woofgang]

are the daughters your wife's daughters too?

[Matt123456789]

No we don't really need the space as we've put up with the lack of it for many years. But we also have a son who is still living with us he's only 12 he would like that space but I think that mom is making rash decisions without thinking what if they want to come back do they have to sleep down stairs which would be really uncomfortable. I just think she's forcing them out for good and I feel very upset about it

[Matt123456789]

And yes all 3 are our kids

[Tilly2]

What do the daughters think about it all?

[Matt123456789]

I think my youngest is upset about it because her and mom are always arguing. That's why she wanted to move out and the mom can't be an adult / parent about it

[jennyjoan]

what are you changing bedrooms into - no matter how - surely there would be room for a single bed or a pull-out bed

[eve1974]

I don't think there's anything wrong with it. Don't "bin" any of their stuff. Simply box it up and make sure there's always a spare bed when they need it. But it's YOUR and the MUMS house. No need to keep room as is when they find. But always have a comfy spare bed when they need it

[Maydup]

17 and 18 is very young to be leaving home for good. One or other of them is sure to back home for a spell over the next 2/3 years.

I'm with you and wound leave the rooms alone until at least the end of this year. But a compromise would be to give your son an upgrade, and leave one room made up as a welcoming feminine spare for your daughters whenever they need it. If that happens to be both of them, then they could share.

[ummmm]

My daughter left home at 16 to live with her dad. She's 25 soon and will be moving back in next week..

[jno]

sounds as if your younger daughter wants to try a soft brexit and her mother's insisting on a hard brexit. I think that's a bit mean, to be honest. If she wants to try making her way in the world by just moving out during the week, I'd let her do so.

It'd be different if she insisted she was moving out for good; at some stage, parents do have to reclaim their own house, or as in this case make room for younger siblings. Of coure they may want to move back in at some stage (jno jnr has just done this) but that's a problem to face when it happens. But if she's clear that she doesn't want to leave for ever at the moment, I wouldn't push her out.

[Matt123456789]

Thankyou all for your time

[whiskeryron]

Did the girls have a room each before leaving & does your son have his own room ? It may be a good idea for your son to have his own room & keep one of the girl's room as a guest room,then when one of the girls visits she can be accommodated. If two girls visit at same time they would have to share. It is not practical for the girls to expect you to keep their rooms available when they have both volunteered to leave home.

[Matt123456789]

The girls shared a room but it has all been changed now by mom so the girls will have to lump it unfortunately. It was just a shock for me for this to happen so quickly

[snowshoe1]

I ALSO HAVE 2 DAUGHTERS AND THEY HAVE MOVED OUT, BUT THEY ARE ALWAYS WELCOME TO COME HOME. I KEEP THEIR ROOM FOR THEM. KNOW MATTER HOW OLD THEY GET, THE ALWAYS HAVE A HOME.