Has Anyone Had To Put A Parent In A Nursing Home

[emmie]

as that seems is the only option left to my mum.
she is not coping at home, even with daily carers. She refuses to eat,
drink or bathe, no idea what this will do to her if she goes
into a care home, am almost sure she will hate it.

[emmie]

trouble being she isn't looking after herself but will a care home fare any better ?

[Islay]

Sorry for your predicament.
I have not been in your situation but whilst your mum may hate it, surely it has to be the best solution. I know you have your own health concerns so unless you are able to look after her are there any other children that can?
Once again sorry for your news.

[murraymints]

oh dear emmie...what a tough call..never had to do that..but friend's mum went ito a nursing home at 99 after years of shouting she would not go..and she loves it.the company a blether etc wishes she had done it many years ago..perhaps start by finding a place and introducing her to it a couple of days a week as a visitoe first ??

[emmie]

she is now weak and frail, and is in hospital for a few days for tests. She has been active all her life but its as though she's given up, which is so sad to see.
I am not in a position to do much, but either agree or disagree with the nursing home proposal, what a rotten decision this is.

[emmie]

she is too frail and needs too much care - my relatives couldn't cope with her because they haven't the space, and she needs to much looking after.

[Islay]

I think you have answered yourself then emmie, she needs the constant care that a home can offer her but that she can't get in her own home.

[emmie]

Islay
you may well be right but its not a decision i wish to make, my brother has Power of Attorney, and we have the say on anything thereafter, however i am racked with guilt over this. What if she doesn't eat in a nursing home or bathe, she is quite chipper about things, but has Alzheimer's so has no short term memory.

[Ellipsis]

Obviously it depends on the nursing home, but we had a very similar experience to murraymints' friend ...

[emmie]

she has always been adamant that she won't go into a nursing home as she used to work in them year ago and knew what some of the nurses could be like to their patients.

[MallyJ]

We put my Mil into a home when the level of care we could supply was simply not enough. Wwe looked at loads until himslf found a really lovely one that had carpetted floors and en suite bathrooms and smell of cooking. It was fabulous...I reckon that took the edge off any guilt. It really was like a hotel.... We were allowed to visit at any time...very good sign and the staff had time to do her hair and make her feel a bit special. She was very happy and cared for there. I am going to say here that it is really important that those of you that love here are happy with the place...a friend of ours has just died in a place I thought was dreadful. I think that your mum will love the feeling of being cared for and pampered if you choose the right one. You are thinking, perhaps, about how you would feel but she may well find life much easier....if it i s near you as the Mils was to us you can visit daily without the worry of cleaning up etc etc and you will be able to chat etc as you would your mum not someone you are caring for....makes a huge difference.

[Everhelpful]

They are not cheap,hope you have plenty money as obviously you will want the best care for your Mum,hope things turn out well for you both.

[TWR]

Yes Emmie, it was for her own safety as my Mother started going out of her home very late at night, knocking on neighbours doors looking for her Father, my mother then was 97 & going into 1st stage Dementia, up to that time she was very "With It" also a brother of mines was going into her account to the tune of £8000, I stopped that, I had to tell her lies that her home which was council owned was getting painted, it was a horrible thing to do but it was for her own safety and other people, she is now cared for by wonderful staff that know their job, it takes a lot of stress from family's & you know they are getting the right personal care, Heating, Food, Tablets, and they are with people with the same Issue.

[gness]

Emmie....my mother was a mess.....I was exhausted looking after her.

We got her into a home following a hospital stay and with her very limited understanding she thought it was just til she was better...and that was never going to happen...

She was much more compliant with the carers then ever she was at home.....bathed, hair washed and set....and she started eating.
I wouldn't tell you she was happy......but she was very well looked after twenty four hours a day....I couldn't do that....and her memory was such that she always thought she had just arrived for a short stay......
She wasn't unhappy either due I suppose to the Alzheimer's....
I was careful when choosing the home and I'm more than happy with the staff and the care they give.....

My friend has been looking after her mother for years....not as bad as mine was but still needed care.
Last year my friend managed...with a struggle.... to book her mum into a home for a week so she could have a break....
At the end of the week mum refused to leave.....she liked it so much....and my friend now has an empty granny annexe....!

My mother's savings were used toward the cost til they reached £14.000 which she keeps......we don't contribute.....x

[TWR]

It can be very trying Gness, one hell of a decision to make, but its for the person's best interest xxx

[ummmm]

Both grand parents. We visited daily and had no complaints whatsoever. They were well cared for.

Nan had dementia and was in a home that catered for that. Gramps was infirm. We had codes to get in so could pop in at any time.

[gness]

Indeed, TWR....and I was so torn......but if I had known how much better my mum was going to be I'd have done it at least a year earlier....and for her sake, not mine...

I did my best but I couldn't get her to wash her body or hair which had food matted into it...or eat properly and every visit and time spent with her was a sad and weary battle......
When I could just go to the home and sit and chat and look at old photos or walk a little in the gardens it was so much better for both of us....x

[gness]

Emmie.....I think we should all stop saying....putting a parent in a nursing home.....and feeling it's a bad thing to do....a kind of last resort......

Let's think of it as caring enough to do the best possible thing we can for a parent.....x

[emmie]

thank you for the feedback. She is currently in hospital being checked over, eating and drinking, which is something she doesn't do at home.
I live a long way from mum so can't just pop to the hospital but i can phone and see if she's fit enough to take a call, if she plays ball so to speak it might not come to a nursing home. She has lost so much weight and is now down to 7 stone 6, that we were frightened she was starving herself to death.
so by end of week she might be allowed home, will see how she gets on then.

[MallyJ]

Mil went into a care home after a hospital stay.....the transition was much easier from there than it would have been from home

[Tilly2]

Emmie, the discharge team may not allow her to go home. She can't/won't look after herself. She will be better off in a nursing home.