Tricky situation

[Headless Rat]

My bestfriend is seeing a bloke that is a lot older than her.I never really liked him as he treated her badly on numerous occasions.However,I got along with him and never&made an issue of it. Whenever I'd meet him we'd have really deep talks, just the two of us, & I always felt like he was confiding in me about his relationship with my friend. They are both VERY insecure, immature people&I have a feeling he thought I was the mature 1 who knew both sides of the story.He told me personal details that he never told my friend.I grew uncomfortable with this but told my friend everything he told me so she wouldn't think I knew more about him than she did.

Last week he hit on me.I tried to stop him.He kept saying that he thought I was such a goodlooking, attractive woman& that my friend would never find out.He asked for my phone number many times. I never gave him it.He told me that he hadn't been faithful to her & he wouldn't be in future because he knew that she was "in deep" & he didn't feel like that about her.He said how he'd always liked me and looked forward to our talks.He said he felt he could say anyhing to me and trust me.

My problem is that I told my friend what happened, the guy told her a bagful of lies, she believed him & now doesn't speak to me!Paperback cliche!!

I know she's going to get hurt again but she's so immature that she's blinded by his "love".She's being made a fool of as she knows deep down what he's like &, as always,is just too weak to live without a man.She'll never dump him.She has let herself down so badly by taking him back yet ridicules others who do the exact same thing, calling them pathetic and needy.What a hypocrite!

Anyone got any suggestions on how to make the foolish girl open her eyes??

[jno]

No, and why should you do so? You've told her the truth, someone else has told her lies, and she's made her choice about which one she believes. You can't save people from themselves. Given the vigour with which you call her a hypocrite (I'm not saying you're wrong), you're not all that emotionally committed to her wellbeing anyway. The two of them seem to deserve each other - and who knows, they may actually make a go of it; nobody's perfect. But I'd say you were well out of it.

[WendyS]

Well, you've been totally honest with her and it's sad that she's decided to react in this way. But that is her decision and you can't be responsible for her.   Maybe she won't come to her senses until this guy dumps her and huts her badly and then she will realise that she's lost one false friend and one true one.  All you can do is be patient. Perhaps drop her a note saying you still value her friendship but that she must decide where her loyalties lie and who she trusts. Tell her you hope she'll get back in touch when she's ready and then get on with your life and make other friends.  She sounds as if she's the kind of friend who could be emotionally draining in the long term.  Perhaps it may not be a bad thing for you to have a break from her.

[Octavius]

You can tell her anything you like, but she clearly won't believe you.

Leave them to it, and if you are right your friend will come back and need you for support.  If not, as said above, stay well out of it.

[Cockney_si]

Let her make her own mistakes, if it all falls to pieces you can be there to help her pick them up.

[DJKC]

You've done your best SO FAR, be a true friend and be there for her when she finds out the real truth.

Well done.

by the way are you a good looker ?

only kidding.

[I_Tried]

you shouldn't have meddled or have him near you in the first place, and am surprised you didn't see his intentions when he was talking to you, people like them are low life looking to get pleasure from any hole (sorry if it comes across degrading to you but it wasn't emant to be )

As for your freind she is a hypocrite and you need to move on as she isnt worthy of your freindship.

But am sure liek all things in life they don't always work out as you want them to

regards I_Tried xxx

[Headless Rat]

Thanks you guys!I suppose it is out of my hands now and is up to her!On the other hand every cloud has a silver lining so this "tricky situation" has only served to highlight her opinion of me!

[joko]

You could call him, tell him what he's done, ask him why he's lied, ask him to confess so that you can makeup with your friend again - AND TAPE IT!!

He will probably talk freely with you making it clear what he has done.

if you don't have his number, orchestrate an accidental meeting - and take a dictaphone with you. send the tape to your friend and tell her you are upset at her behaviour but wanted to vindicate yourself as the innocent party in this.

same thing happened to me years ago. i told my friend he'd tried it on with me (while she was upstairs in bed ill with period pains - I was asleep on the couch), and he admitted it eventually, but claimed his excuse was - get this - he'd done it on PURPOSE, in order to get him and her talking about their problems!! and she believed him!! I didn't see her for years. We eventually made up, but years later she brought it up again and said i'd copped off with her boyfriend and that she had forgiven me!! over the years the story had been mutated (by him) into blaming me, and that something had happened between us!! unbelievable!

I suspect he wanted her all to himself, and i was in the way, so this was the best way he could think of to get rid of me...it worked! Complete control freak

some people are just no good