Why So Patronising

[kissimmee]

My partner died a few months ago and always spending so much time just with him as he didn't like to socialise I am finding life so lonely. My daughter is quick to point out that I shouldn't rely on her for company and find other ways to pass my time. Although I don't constantly ring her she rings me she is forever telling me I should find a friend or go on holiday alone which she wouldn't do but talks as if everything is so simple. Talks down to me constantly I should be grateful she is spending time with me. I am constantly helping her all the time but never bring this up or mention it and yet if we go to the shops together she has been so good going with me. Blew my top earlier and told her to leave me alone as I didn't want to be grateful to her anymore now I suppose I will be in the wrong again

[mikey4444]

Oh dear Kissi....she hasn't been very tactful has she ?

There comes a time in every widow or widower life, when it time to move on, and you will know when that time comes. But, if you do get out and about, you will soon feel better in yourself.

[Mamyalynne]

Just sweetly tell her that although you're appreciative in her wanting you to move on , could you be allowed to live in the here and now at the moment.

It's hard too for Children, even grown ones to know how to deal with this - I was lucky my Daughters handled it well and I allowed them to grieve for their Dad in their own way too.

Do what you want when you want, yet be pleasant if you decline help.

Take care.x

[MallyJ]

Oh dear ...it sounds as if you are both grieving. She is trying to help you but really doesn't know how to. It may be time to sit down together and for you to thank her for all her help and support and suggest that you are ready to move on whilst also thanking her for the love and care she has shown you. I would then plan your next meeting with her in a weeks time (or months time)and if she continues to ring daily be out for at least 3 out of 4 of those calls. She is trying so hard but doesn't know what to do...IMO

[ummmm]

On Facebook there are local groups that chat about local things. They often meet up for coffee mornings.

[hereIam]

When Dad died I tried so hard to be there for Mum and hope I did it right. I would never have suggested she goes on holiday alone as I know she would have hated this. We planned to have days out together, but sadly I lost her as well. From what you say, I think your daughter is being harsh as I would never have spoken to Mum like that. Have you heard of Saga holidays ?

[albaqwerty]

It's early days.
Some cope quicker than others, why not pop along to your local library once a week or fortnight for a bit of solitude - you'd be surprised at how many friends one can make there
Am sorry for your loss

[hereIam]

And I too am very sorry for your loss x

[KARL]

Fom your post it seems to me possible that your partner was not your daughter's father. If so then there may be a degree of distance between your sentiments and hers - you will need to take that into account. As others have pointed out, this is a time of confusion and also a need for sharp adjustment. The sad truth is that at such times we are simply very lucky if we actually get significant support/help from anyone. The likeliest source would be someone who has gone through this themselves - others area bit at a loss.

[kissimmee]

Thank you so much for your answers you are all right in your own way with your advice to me. I know I haven't moved on yet and it will take time I do try I seem to take 2 steps forward then one back I know I'm not ready yet but hopefully the time will come when I am thank you once again for your comments ....K

[mikey4444]

Kissi....we are always here to help.