Help With In-Laws

[RainbowMoonbeam]

My boyfriend and I broke up then worked out our issues and are now engaged. During the time when we were broken up my ex husband had me stay with him for a week due to becoming extremely ill from having the flu. I became so sick that I could not care for myself. I needed help. Once I was well again I thanked him and left. Anyway, my boyfriend was angered that I didn't call him and turned to my ex husband instead. He told his sister (who told the rest of their family) that I always turn to my ex whenever we have a fight, and I stayed with my ex and still had feelings for him and that my ex is abusive and wanted me back. He left out the part that I was sick and since I was a ward of the court had no close family to turn to. He also did not mention how I had saved my exes life by giving him my left kidney, and when he found out how sick I was felt compelled to help. He also, did not mention that my ex and I remained friends and how living organ donors and recipients often do share a special bond. This does not mean I want him back! Just that I care about him and a part of me saved him and we feel a closeness and are compelled to want to be on friendly terms. We divorced because I was only a teenager when we met. He was my first everything. We were holding each other back. We are great at being friends but are not good spouses for one another. I love him like an old friend. That's it! But how can I ever explain this to anyone? My boyfriends family thinks I keep my ex on the sidelines so I always have someone in case it doesn't work out with my boyfriend. My boyfriend told me to forget about what he told them. It is to personal to talk about with them. I can't tell them about the about the kidney and my ex. Not sure what to do.

[woofgang]

It sounds like your current boyfriend in never going to be happy about your relationship with your ex. Better to find out now than later.

[woofgang]

not "in", "is"

[LadyCG]

I would cut your losses if I were you. Being in a relationship with someone who comes with a difficult family can be soul-destroying.

I was close to my ex for years and regarded him as a good friend. He's recently remarried and his new wife worked hard to drive a wedge between us and has succeeded. It's a shame but he's made his bed and now he can lie in it.

I would never discourage anyone from staying friends with a former partner. Friendship is much better than animosity.

[MallyJ]

Your current boyfriend sounds unpleasant in the extreme and I would counsel you to leave him to his family and get on with your life. Find somewhere to live and settle down to looking after yourself and creating a home for yourself. I don't know how old you are but maybe it is time for you to move on and enjoy your work and ensure that you have good friends rather than husbands or boyfriends for a while. You owe no one an explanation or your life story...