Mum With Dementia

[hannah40]

My mum is 90 and has early stages of dementia. I have applied to be POA for health and finance and it is going through. In the mean time I have a brother who lives with his partner on social benefits and my mum has been giving him large amounts of money in the last 3 years around £15.000 as he asks for money to keep him in drink and cigarettes and also helps towards paying for his caravan that he has as a second home.
My mum also has offered money to me or my children if ever we have needed so I’m not resenting the past but what I’m objecting to now is my mum now needs care and I’m the one providing care plus a carer on days I work.
My brother has asked my mum for £2.000 and I said to my mum I don’t think you should give it to him because we need your money now for care and it’s going to dwindle away. He had £2.000 in January. My mum said I can have £2.000 as well.
I don’t want to take her money as I’m aware she needs care and her flat needs a lot of repair work done. Also my concerns are when I become POA if money if given to me and my brother it could look like I’m instigating it when I’m supposed to be acting in her best interests.
I’m concerned my brother is going to continue asking my mum to support him with money when I say no my mum gets cross and says he can have money.
What should I do just let my mums money go to us now so she has nothing left for care . Or be firm and say no more money and then I will lose my brother.

[murraymints]

if it were me I would tell him to jog on !

[woofgang]

Apart from anything else if you are going to have POA you need to start acting like one now. No more money. I hope you get poa sorted soon

[barry1010]

From the Government website:
"You must check that the donor can afford the gift or donation, even if they’ve spent money on these types of things before. For example, you can’t donate their money if that would mean they couldn’t afford their care costs."
https://www.gov.uk/lasting-power-attorney-duties/property-financial-affairs
Print it off and give it to your brother.

[MallyJ]

A harsh thought I know but is your brother worth keeping? May be worth asking a solicitor if there is a way to tie your mums assets up in her care so that he can get nothing from her whilst she still needs them.

[emmie]

losing your brother may not happen, time he stopped sponging off your mum. be the POA and take over her affairs.

[Maydup]

Oh what a situation to be in, i do feel for you. I think you should involve a solicitor too, otherwise this will become very emotional for you.

[eleanor2]

barry, he doesn't sound the caring kind to have that sink in.

[woofgang]

Maydup, that's an expensive suggestion!

[AuntPollyGrey]

Get POA now and stop your brother milking your mother's money. Believe me, once your mothers' money eventually dries up you will probably not hear from him again, so losing him now and keeping your mothers' assets for her care is a no brainer in my book.