My Brother In Law Ruining Marriage

[Nickt3r]

I've been. Married for 6 months. My wife lost her mom when she was young and now it's just her father who is old and has parkinson's and her brother who is almost 42 with no job, not married and living at home.

Her brother very much against her getting married but she married me anyway. He didn't doo much to help with the wedding and even got late to come for the wedding when he had to give his sister away.

He has no job and is currently relying on me to pay for the rent for him and his dad.. And pay all the bills and for the groceries.

He is not married and messages my wife all day because he has no one else to talk to. He keeps saying he needs her because she pushes him to be better.
He keeps making a fuss and says he is unable to make a CV and apply for work because he has to take care of their dad and asks my wife who is pregnant to visit everyday and spend all day there taking care of their dad.

I just feel he is relying on us too much, relying on my money to live and relys on my wife to support him emotionally. He said he doesn't want to get married and I'm afraid he will burden for us to take care of when he is older as he is not preparing himself for the future and is a big burden for my wife and self who are newly married 30 year old with a baby on the way.

Am I out of line to think he is making my marriage difficult?.

[bobbinwales]

Does your wife agree. If so she needs to tell him what she and you want

[sandyRoe]

Can they not claim housing benefit?

[Cloverjo]

Nick, you are not out of line. The brother should have been told years ago to get his arris in gear. Restaurants are crying out for staff. If he can only manage dishwashing that’s a start. Point him in that direction and make it clear you can’t bankroll him forever.

[mallyh]

are you in america ?do they have carers allowance and unemployment benefits he can claim

[barry1010]

You must have been aware of the situation before you married and should have talked all this through with your wife and brother in law beforehand.
However, if your brother in law wasn't living with his dad, where would your father in law be? My guess is that he would be living with you - with you and your wife caring for him full time, so be thankful.
Who was paying the rent, the bills and buying the food before you came along?

At least your wife is at home with you every night. Perhaps she enjoys spending time in the family home when you are at work.

[Bobbisox1]

No you’re not, tell this lazy selfish man to grow a pair and stop being so needy !,

[bednobs]

if you fil requires care, who would do it if not you bil? who would be paying for his care. does your wife work? why doesnt she just turn her phone off during work time? why was you bil obligated to help with your wedding?

[Ringlet]

I'm afraid your brother in law is taking advantage of you and your wife on a huge scale. My instinct is to say that you and your wife should emigrate and leave them all to it.
Your predictions for the future are undoubtedly accurate - you will never be free of your brother in law if you continue to allow him to use you in this way.
He is a free-loader who will be a burden to you and your wife for the rest of his living days. He has got away with it so far, so why should anything change? He is living the life of Riley, getting money and groceries from you, getting his rent paid, getting you to do the caring and work.
When your baby is born you will both need to focus on caring for your new son or daughter - not supporting a lazy freeloader who will never do anything for himself, or for you.
You deserve better.
Run for the hills and take your wife and child with you.

[calmck]

Is the home rented or is it a mortgage payment? Who was paying the bills before you got married. Contact age concern or adult social services to see if the current situation is acceptable for fil.

[babylove276]

Yes he is. You should probably advise him to go to counseling. Also, the family needs to find care options for the father so your bil has freedom to work. There might be services you can find for the elderly based on his income if he has any. Don't give up try having a heart to heart with him.