Should I Of Been Sending My Step Kids Birthday Cards?

[Selfishnoodles]

Been married to their dad for 12 years, never sent a birthday card yet or present and their mums annoyed with me over it, they're currently 12 and 13

[Selfishnoodles]

He loves them and wants to see them he's just a drug addict and in recovery so he hasn't been able to be involved. He is a good dad to our four though and he sees his eldest kid too once a month

[Selfishnoodles]

Time to confess- I am not his wife- I am the mother of the two sweet and beautiful abandoned children. My ex tells me that my friends agree with me because they're my friends so I thought I'd try a bunch of strangers instead. I posted as his wife using her arguments from our emails (tbf she did word them very politely) to diminish the potential of any further bias from people responding. I have been completely fair in my descriptions and this situation is 100% genuine unfortunately. I apologise for the misrepresentations but I felt it was a good way to get total honesty. Your answers were gratefully received and I appreciate them all good or bad. I've tried explaining to his wife why her behaviour has been cruel but she is not interested in listening to me tbh but that's fine. Thanks again!!

[Bobbisox1]

You sound now like a very level headed young lady, good luck although I’m sure your lovely children will be loved by you and hopefully one day you’ll meet someone who loves them and you

[Selfishnoodles]

Oh I already have thank you Bobbi, that was very kind of you. I'm very happy apart from seeing my kids upset all the time. I've tried very hard to resolve this but it's difficult when people are so selfish unfortunately.

[Bobbisox1]

Unfortunately crap happens , can I ask though, if he doesn’t see them, what is it that’s upsetting them so much, he sounds like someone the children would be better not seeing, anyone can be a father but it takes someone special to be a Daddy, clearly he doesn’t care, kick him away for you and your two children

[Selfishnoodles]

I agree entirely but he's a pathological liar and he's spent the entire time lying and fabricating complete rubbish to try and blame me for what he's done. So I like to create as much 'evidence'as possible to counteract any future lies he decides to tell my kids. I do think at this point though - when even she's completely oblivious to her own behaviour that I am ready to give up. I just find her insane in all honesty, she watched what he did to my kids then thought AHH yeh four more will be a GREAT idea lol but people's issues are their own problem.

[Selfishnoodles]

Oh sorry you asked a question - they want to see him. They did see him very unregularly from Dec 2017 to August 2020. They remember him now. They wanted to write to him but he wouldn't write, so my son wrote to him and he ignored it- so that's what has upset my son so much recently. Knowing their dad won't see them but lives with his 4 other kids etc- it defo upsets them

[Bobbisox1]

Right! Stop the squabbling and look after your kids , tell them nothing what they’re Dad’s done , they are kids FGS, move on, what does your new man think of this silliness?

[bednobs]

"he's a pathological liar"
pmsl

[Selfishnoodles]

Thinks my ex is a sociopath tbh. He's not wrong. I hold my hands up to my absolute stupidity in having kids with him in the first place tbh. The evidence was there I was just very stupid in all honesty. Toxic mindset of 'ride or die'.

And yes he's a pathological liar- if you think me misrepresenting this to a bunch of strangers for advice who will not be affected by it compares to the stuff he does then I don't know what to tell you lol

[bednobs]

no, i dont think you've misrepresented him, just ironic by calling him a liar!

[Selfishnoodles]

This is anonymous, none of you know who I am, so I'm not actually 'lying' to you on one hand because this story exists in the form I presented it. I didn't have to tell you any different but I chose to- my 'lying' was to achieve a none biased answer pool. I also posted two further questions on the same situation from slightly different angles- all true. I'm sorry if you are affected by me, a complete stranger telling you a true story lol but it doesn't make me 'a liar' in the definition I use. It's common in experiments in psychology and sociology to do similar things, are they all 'liars' too?