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How Do I (29M) Reconcile With My Beloved Older Sister (35F)? After She Was Raped, Our Relationship Fell Apart.

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DazedConfused | 02:05 Sun 03rd Dec 2023 | Family & Relationships
7 Answers

I (29M) am an adopted child. I am ethnically Okinawan, and I was adopted by a Japanese-American family. My adoptive family is the best family I could ever ask for, and I’m so grateful. I have one sibling, an older sister named Marika (35F). Up until recently, Marika has always been so kind and compassionate to me, and we got along so well. I love her.

This past July, Marika was visiting my city, and she stayed over at my apartment. She’s a very athletic girl, so she used to frequently go out on runs. She used to go on her runs wearing the most provocative clothes, like tank tops, sports bras, short shorts, that kinds of stuff. I happen to live in a rather sketchy part of the city, so every time she went out running half-naked, I used to worry a little bit for her safety.

One day, near the end of her stay at my apartment, Marika went out for her run wearing nothing but a low-cut spaghetti strap sports bra and short shorts. She went out for about two hours, and when she came back, she was crying hysterically, and she was sweating so much that I thought there was something physically wrong with her. She tearfully told me that while she was out on her run, somebody tripped her and raped her. I was crushed when she told me this, but at the exact same time, I was so angry at her for dressing up so provocatively. She told me that she was going to take a shower, but instead, I told her that we were going to the hospital right away. She whined that she felt “so disgusting” but I wasn’t hearing any of it. Marika begged me to at least let her grab a shirt to wear to the hospital, but I told her that in order to preserve as much physical evidence as possible, she was absolutely not allowed to shower or wear a shirt or change out of her sports bra and shorts. I grabbed her arm and dragged her down to the car, and we went to the emergency room. Marika couldn’t stop crying during the entire drive and the wait at the hospital. While we were waiting to see the doctor, she whined that she really wanted a shirt to wear, so in the heat of the moment, I bluntly told her that this was all her fault, and that she made her bed and she ought to lie in it. When I told her this, she just whimpered. Looking back, I really regret saying this to her.

Nowadays, Marika acts as if I’m the one who raped her. She is terrified of me, and she cries so much in my presence these days. The tough, tomboyish, cheerful sister that I have always known is gone. How do I get her back?



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If I was your sister I would disown (or worse) you too.

You are blaming your sister for her attack.  She has done nothing wrong and she is the victim.

What you said and how you acted says a lot about who you are as a person.  If you can't have compassion for your sister at a time like that you show yourself to be the lowest form of life.


Duggie, perhaps but there may actually be people out there who are so shallow.

Question Author

This ain't spam, I'm asking genuinely.


The have only vocally blamed my sister for her rape once, and it was during a moment of intense emotions. I'm so full of regret, and I take it back. I just want my relationship with my sister to go back to normal.

Write a letter full of apology and remove and beg her forgiveness.

Tell her you love her and want to support her.

Agony Aunt😅

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