advice?

[littlemissx]

i looked through my blokes phone the other day (wrong of me i know but i only did it as i had suspicions), in it i found messages from that morning saying i am still in love with you from him to a woman he was seeing just before we got together... now this woman is married with children!!! i went mad at him (understandably i think) and told him it was over. i later calmed down and gave him the chance to explain. he said he only told her that as she was finding it hard coming to terms that me and him were happy together and just bought a place etc and he didnt want to see her hurt... i was very hurt and angry and he also cried and said he couldnt face losing me so i have given him another chance on the condition he never contacts this woman again.

what would you lot have done??

[4getmenot]

Dumped him. What a lame excuse

[purpose]

It's harsh, but i would have dumped him.

That is a really pants excuse for texting her those messages!!

He cried. It's fatal. And it worked.

[peterd]

Mobiles, how much trouble do they cause ? Well to answer your question, I wouldn't have looked at the phone. Ok you were suspicious so that's done, the thing is why would he leave a message like that on his phone? Surely if he was upto anything he would have deleted it straight away ? Saying that to an ex will make things worse me thinks, she must now think there's still a chance they may get back together. Unfortunately it comes down to trust & only you know the answer to that.

[4getmenot]

Fair enough if he�s a nice bloke he might have just wanted to be nice to her, but there's being nice and then there�s saying those three words, to me that is as bad as sleeping with someone else or sharing a passionate kiss.

[B00]

Awww your poor love.

The escuses he gave you sounds like total codswallop to most of here I imagine, most men wouls be incapable of ealking if we'd heard that! Mind you, we can all keep saying that to you till we're blue in face but I bet it won't make a difference to how you feel or how you respond huh?

All you can do I guess is wait and see how it pans out with him.

Good luck

xxxx

[Octavius]

Hmm, it seems that he was putting her feelings higher than yours, and saying 'in love' rather than 'care' or something similar seems rather dubious to me.

[unruliejulie]

So Sorry but No excuses for him saying he is still in love with her!! If someone is finding it hard coming to terms with the end of the relationship, then the last thing you do is tell them that to make them worse. Crappy excuse. I doubt its her having difficulty coming to terms with it seeing as she is now married to someone else and has had their children. Poor littlemissx. tread very very carefully. I think you're heading for heartbreak if you stay with him. Good luck let us know what you decide to do.XX

[B00]

PS

^^^ should read...."Incapable of walking"

[kazzianne]

Isnt he a total s***! I would have dumped him on the spot!! How can you possibly ever trust him again? And what were your suspicions that made you look at fone in the first place?

[littlemissx]

sorry you mistook me... he was seeing her whilst she was married with children! that hasnt happened after him

[maximo]

Nice !

Dump the little sh!te. No excuse for telling someone else he's in love with her. God those blokes make me angry !!!

[honeyboo]

Hi little miss he said he only text that because he didn't want to hurt her, i think he is lying there a lots of other things he could have said instead of that, and what about hurting you obvoiusley he didn't think about hurting you! This is the man you have chosen to spend your life with an he has treated you like this, you desirve more respect than that. I think you need to think about this a bit more, thats what i would do. Love Honey xXx

[Champagne]

Personally I would tell him to pack his bags. I wouldn't be able t sleep at night knowing my man had said "I love you" to another woman. It would eat me away inside and I'd be convinced that it was a matter of time before he ran off with her! Nobody needs that sort of insecurity.

[electricblue]

oh god littlemissx,that aint good rep to have is it?I know you probably believe what you want to believe,who wants to accept the worst,i certainly wouldn't,you need to have words with him,,,and NOW!

[kazzianne]

sos he not only tells other women he loves them - he was also sleeping with a married woman!!?? It gets better.Tell the toe rag to sod off!

[redcrx]

Sounds like hes messed up big time. Get rid if hes said hes in love with her, regardless of if it was to make her feel better or not.

There a difference between loving someone and being in love with them. I love my ex husband (not in a relationship way) and i have openly told my partner that, and he understands that it doesnt mean that our own relationship is in any danger at all. Just make sure you have your facts straight before you dump him.

[Rubyrose]

I'd have broken up with him. There is no excuse good enough for texting that to an ex whilst you are with someone. Its a lame excuse and I wouldn't have believed it. You will NEVER know if he is still contacting this woman. Trust me. And now you have only shown him that you are willing to go through his mobile so he will be even more careful.

My auntie was seeing a guy who was with someone and once he got found out and told his gf that he wanted to try again with her, she made him swear he would never contact my auntie again. He still texts my auntie 2yrs later and confides in her about all sorts and even text her to let her know when him and his gf's baby was born! My auntie is over him and with someone else but this guy still texts her and he initiates it all aswell.

[undercovers]

lots a men do this - i used to when i was young, keep the ex sweet and thus always have a back up plan just in case, a sort of girlfriend in case of emergencies... its mean and selfish and a horrible thing to do to a girl that is trying to get over the break up of a relationship and the new girl but a typical not wanting anyone else but him to be happy reaction that some men seem to get. Its not really not a very good sign, to me it looks like he is lying to you about his excuse (its the weakest i have ever heard) and probably either trying to cheat on you or actually cheating on you. what he is doing is not fair to either of you (you and the other women) and i think my advice would be the same to both of you forget about him and move on - but remember if you break up in a few weeks or months you will be getting the texts and phone calls telling you he loves you and wants to try again whilst he is prob shacked up with with some other poor girl

[atolhurst]

Oh god this must be so awful for you, but I must say that if I were in your situation, I'd have walked away.

Your boyfriend has told someone else that he's still IN love with them (not even just that he loves them, like you might love a mate) - that is such a big thing to do and I'm sorry but it doesn't sound like the kind of thing that anyone with an ounce of sense would say to just make someone feel better. If he genuinely wanted to make her feel better about herself, he'd probably have gone along the lines of "you're a lovely person and you'll meet the right man one day etc". Because saying you're 'IN love' provokes a reaction from the other person. So the way I see it, he's either genuinely in love with her, or he wants to provoke her to saying that she loves him (perhaps to make him feel self important) - either way, it's bad for you.

He may be quite confused; he probably loves you (you don't buy a house with someone if you don't think a lot of them) so his tears could have been genuine about ending up in this situation. But he told someone else that he is IN LOVE with them too and I personally, couldn't bear to not be my boyfriends 'one and only'.

But this is you, not me. Maybe I'm oversensitive and over analysing and you know your boyfriend better than me - maybe he is just incredibly incredibly stupid. You said you've just bought a house so I'm guessing you might have a mortgage together; that's a big thing and there are lots of complications that could come up if you were to split but they are all overcome-able and it shouldn't be what keeps you together.

You talk about it quite matter of factly but the fact that you're asking for AB'ers advise makes me think you're still not (understandibly) sure about what on earth has happened. I think you need to talk to him and find out exactly what is going on in his head.

[kazzianne]

How long have you two been together?