divorced parents- where shall i live?

[answers2424]

my parents have been divorced for nearly 4 years now but they still argue over money and my twin sisters and I.

they both have new partners. my dad has re-married and is quite well off and i live with my mum and her boy friend. i get treated with respect and spoiled rotten at my dads and there is NEVER any arguements, but at my mums (where i have lived throughout the 4 years) there is arguements and a constant struggle with money.

shall i try living at my dads for a few years, or will that be betraying my mum? help please.

[Hellion]

Have you discussed it with either of your parents? If you really want to live with your Dad and don't want to hurt your Mum's feelings why don't you suggest to her that ,whilst you love living with her, you feel that your presence is not allowing her a fair stab at her new relationship. Say that you would like to live at your Dad's for a while so that she has a chance to 'get to know' her new partner properly and to relieve her of the financial 'burden' of looking after you for a period of time. That way you can spend quality time with her at the weekends.

[Goodsoulette]

I am sure your mum wants whats is best for you. I as a mum, would never want to lose my boys to their dad but they arent old enough to rationally discuss why they might prefer to live with him. I would be totally honest about your reasons with your mum, if she is in a cr@p relationship it might give her a boot up the arse to boot him out (not sure if this is what she wants but if she is arguing a lot with him it might help her sort her relationship out) and also it might make her think about whether your Dad pays enough maintenance for his children. Do you know if he does?

[noxlumos]

Having been both comfortably off and very poor I can tell you that quite possibly the difference in the way you are treated and the level of arguments in the two households is down to money. Whilst I value the things in life that money cannot buy ( friends,family etc) money is a very necessary evil and if there isn't enough of it to give the people within a household what they need with some left over for recreation then there will be row after row and you'll never see the true characters of the people involved because they will be worried sick all the time and under immense stress. You say your parents argue over money, which implies that your Mum thinks your Dad doesn't pull his weight with maintenance. If he's paying either none or not enough maintenance then I think it would be a betrayal in the extreme to go and live with your Dad who would be being able to show you this great , "spolied rotten" time on what in effect would be your Mum's money.
If your Dad IS paying an acceptable amount then things are a little less clear cut, but none the less you need to think carefully, and clearly deep down you DO have doubts about it or you wouldn't have asked the question. A spoiled rotten upbringing is imho a really undesireable upbringing, as if you get too used to it, the real world will be one hell of a shock.

[lankeela]

Sounds to me that the money is what is drawing you to your dad. Think about your poor mum who has probably struggled to clothe and feed you for the last four years. How will she feel? There is more to life than money.
And whose to say there would not be arguments when you moved in with your dad and his new wife - who may not want you there anyway.

[JoolsTwo]

You might also want to think about whether you would still be spoilded rotten if you were living with you dad all the time. It is a lot easier for your dad to treat you and spoil you when you are not always there. And if you are not there all the time, there is less chance that you will hear any arguments. It is easier to avoid them until you have gone back to your mum's. That may not be the case, but you need to consider it before you make a decision. A lot to think about. I hope you make the right decision for the right reasons. Good Luck

[chimney]

I don't know how old you are but perhaps now is the time to show you can make up your own mind and take responsibility, that's what I did and both sets of parents respect me for it now.

You mentioned your twin sisters, how would they feel if you left?

In my opinion going to your dad's where money isn't a problem is the easy way out, staying with your mum and doing all you can to help will give you a greater sense of achievement and your dad will envy you for that.

Ultimately you have to ask yourself, who needs you round them most.

You also said that there are never any arguments at your dad's. Maybe that's because living with your mum and her other half for the past four years you notice them more, how do you know what goes on between your dad and his new wife when you're not there?

Oh one other thing, tell them straight to not drag you and your sisters into their arguments. It's not fair on you because you feel you have to take sides