Wedding toasts to deceased relatives

[GuavaHalf]

Hi - sorry if this is the wrong category, I couldn't see where else to put it.

My partner and I are getting married soon, after about 15 years (and two children!) together. It is not a particularly formal wedding and we only have one bridesmaid who is just 4 years old. When I do my groom's speech I am supposed to toast the bridesmaids but I think in this case that is not really appropriate. Could I instead raise a tost in rememberance of both of my partners parents and my father all of whom have passed away in recent years? If that's not appropriate to whom could I raise a toast instead.

Wedding etiquette is so complicated!

[shero101]

The important thing is its your wedding. As long as it is conducted legally, how you do things at your reception is totally up to you. Personally I think what you have suggested is totally appropriate. Good luck.

[Octavius]

It's your wedding, you can toast who you like! Parents are fine, but anything further back (unless it is a recent loss might be a bit much). It also depends on whether your wife would want it.

I raised a toast to my dad which everyone joined in with, it was part of my speech where I mentioned that he would have been proud of us on this day, and that he would have been delighted to have met and known my (wife).

But include this as part of the beginning of your speech so you can move on to the more humorous stuff and - make light of it - for the joyous occasion it should be.

[Dassie]

If it's not a particularly formal wedding, why bother to have speeches at all? Instead of enjoying the day, all speeches do is to give headaches and nerves to those that have to deliver them.

At an appropriate moment, why not just stand up and say that you are not having speeches but would just like to take the opportunity of thanking everyone for coming to the wedding?

[JanineG]

sounds like you've given it enough thought - i think you should still thank the bridesmaid though and then move on and ask everyone to raise a glass to your wife's parents and your father, who would really have loved to be there to enjoy this joyous occasion. And when they've done that - move on to lighten the mood, and thank your wife for turning up and looking so gorgeous etc etc

nice touch though to include them in your day

Good luck - hope you have a lovely day!

[Agent_Smith]

i asked my best mate to be my best man and a week later he got killed in a bike crash........the following year i got married and another mate stepped up to be best man, but he knew who was first choice,anyway, at the service at the end of my speech i said in a very straight forward way " before i sit down i want everybody to raise a toast to my mate *****" to which everybody raised their glass and said his name!!

nobody was offended and everbodys spirits were high and it was a great day!!

ps...........his family were there also!!