What are my options?

[dizydosydoll]

Me and my bf have a 3 yr old child together and a morgage. I have been wanting to split up for some time and find it very difficult to make the move. I am wanting to stay in the family home, however can not afford to by his half of the property, i do not want to rip him off and if in the future when i can afford to by his half i will, is there anyway i can stay in the home as he says that unless he gets half he isnt moving out or he says that we have to sell the house. What are my options?
TIA

[dot.hawkes]

yes there is, go to the court get a Form E fill it in you will not have to pay, get him out by court order and sort out your finances with the DSS and family Credit people. You have a right to stay there til your child leaves full time education but he has to support you and so make the decision after getting all the advice. I know it may be a struggle to pay the mortgage and he will have to pay some towards it under a court order and pay for his new accomodation but the child is the priority.

[dizydosydoll]

Thanks dot,
That is good advice. When a rang citizens advice they said he has just as much rights as me and the thing about your child leaving education is no longer.
I can see things getting nasty, i can afford the morgage as it is now with the help of working tax credits so he doesnt need to pay towards the morgage just towards our child.
Many Thanks again

[hunnybee]

at the end of the day hunny if yor not happy in the relationship then you should get out now! like dot says the courts will help you to get him out and he will have to pay half! good luck xxxxx

[PinkFizz]

I guess your guy is saying that as it is you that wants to split up ,why should he leave the family home? But as a split is inevitable then obviously you can't both stay there.Could he not possibly rent elsewhere till you decide what to do?

[Beanmistriss]

Or maybe you could sell the "family home" and buy somewhere you can afford so he can afford somewhere too. The "family home" is only a house and though you might want to stay there if that means him getting no money from it then its hardly fair is it. Even then if he couldn't get his half straight away he could get some of it to start over. He needs to be able to provide somewhere safe for your child to go to visit him.
My boyfriends ex tried that but the she was ordered to pay what she could re-mortgage for. It's just as well he did get some money cos it turned out his son wanted to live with him after a couple of years and he'd been able to but a decent house for him to live in. I know the child always is the most important thing but people move house all the time and survive. Sorry if thats harsh, but it's what I think.

[dizydosydoll]

No he doesn't want to rent anywhere, the last time we discussed this i was in a better position to buy his 1/2 now and he kept saying what am i going to do like it was my responsibillity to find him a home. Yes i do want to split up but through his selfishness and ive sat down at told him things have to change for the last 4 years and now im at the end of my witts.

[dizydosydoll]

I don't think your being harsh i think that you are just inexperienced in this sort of thing and so its easy for you to comment, I have stated that I DO NOT want to rip him off or have control over his relationship with our child that is not what i am about, I just want what is best for my child and that is to stay in the family home even if it is for a short period, I do not want too much change for him all at once.

[Beanmistriss]

I did not mean to imply that you were trying to exert control over their relationship, just for them to have a relationship where they can spend a lot of quality time together you ex needs to be able to provide somewhere safe for that to happen. My experince of this kind of situation is of supporting a man through something similar (only very nasty and messy) so all I wanted to do was highlight another point of view. Fortunetly for you ex you seem quite resonable and not a complete mental! :)

[dizydosydoll]

I understand what you are saying but your point of view is on the effect it has on a male, The male gets some sort of freedom back and has the responsibility for only 1 or 2 days a week rather than 5 or 6( in your case this is different). Wth regards to finacial situations he will be better of as he will be able to pay me some money each week and the rest is his. He has the oppertunity to spend a lot of quality time with our child/us now and doesn't so I can't see him wanting to change that when the split happens